We'll Be Alright
by bechloeslut
Summary: Two years have passed since the Bellas went their separate ways. With Beca in LA and Chloe back in Portland, the once inseparable friends have grown apart. With Cynthia Rose's wedding around the corner, the girls get another opportunity to reunite. Beca is determined to make it up to Chloe - but when they meet again, she ends up realizing a lot more than she had bargained for.
1. Chapter 1

**July 12, 2018**

Atlanta, GA

A pop song playing softly over the radio was the only thing that broke the silence as Chloe's baby blue Bug sped down the interstate. She hummed along to the song, her fingers tapping sporadically to the beat.

Beca glanced at her from the passenger seat, tearing her gaze from the sight of the signs leading to Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport. She knew that Chloe was the kind of person who tried to keep composure. At first glance, she seemed fine. But Beca knew better. She knew by the lack of animated chatter coming from her best friend. Not only was she not saying anything, but she had hardly pulled her eyes away from the road since they'd been in the car. She was alternating between tapping along to the music and gripping the steering wheel tightly enough that it put strain on her fingers. It was uncharacteristic of her to fidget so much.

"Chloe?"

"Hm, yeah?" Chloe perked up, seeming to snap out of her trance to look at Beca. "What's up, Becs?"

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice with a softer edge than usual. "You're quiet."

"Oh—yeah, I'm fine!" she said, trying to give Beca a smile. Her eyes darted away quickly.

Beca frowned. She was even less convinced than before. She'd seen the flicker of anxiety in Chloe's eyes before she'd had the chance to compose herself.

"Okay." she said, silently admitting defeat. Talking about it wouldn't help. If anything, it would just make Chloe more emotional. When she was the one driving, that was the last thing they needed to happen.

They rode the rest of the way in silence. The tension had only seemed to thicken since Beca's last inquiry. She snuck another glance at her friend and felt the knot in her stomach tighten.

Beca had never been adept when it came to dealing with emotions. In fact, it was purely in her nature to want to deny that she even felt a certain way about leaving Atlanta behind, and Chloe with it.

But she wasn't made of stone—at least not anymore. Over the years, the Bellas had softened her up to the vulnerability of human connection, mostly against her will. That, along with the fact that Chloe was her best friend. She would have had to be a real heartless bitch to leave behind the girl who had sought her out, fought for her, and supported her through and through without so much as a second thought. The truth was, leaving Chloe meant more to her than that. More than she wanted to admit, even to herself.

But now wasn't the time to dwell on all of that. She had to be the one to stay strong, for Chloe's sake.

Neither woman spoke as they arrived at Beca's terminal and Chloe parked in the garage. Beca knew that things were about to take a turn for the worse once she had unloaded her bags and Chloe came around to ask her if she was ready to go, scarcely making eye contact. When she finally did look at her, she seemed to stare straight through her, her eyes as sad and pitiful as those of a big blue-eyed puppy's.

"Yeah," Beca said quietly, nodding. "I'm ready."

She wanted to say something, anything, to make Chloe feel better. Anything to see that radiant smile back on her face and the light back in her eyes. It was unsettling to think that it was her fault that the usually jubilant redhead was so subdued. But every time she tried to speak, the words seemed to get stuck in her throat.

Beca was leaving to start her career in LA. In just a few weeks, Chloe would be headed back to Portland for vet school. They were going their separate ways. There was nothing Beca could say to make that truth any less difficult to swallow.

By the time she'd pondered all of this, they'd reached the entrance to security.

"You got your boarding pass?" Chloe asked, startling Beca from her thoughts.

"Yeah," she nodded, gesturing to her phone. "I'm all checked in."

"Okay."

Chloe just stared, her eyes misty as she fiddled aimlessly with the strap of her purse. Beca's stomach began to churn as she stared back, unable to tear her gaze away.

In one way, she felt that they were being just a little dramatic about all of this. It wasn't as if they were never going to see each other again. But their parting represented something more; something that wasn't just superficial. For them, it was the end of an era. The end of an era that was giving way to a new phase in their lives. They were starting fresh—but this time they wouldn't be by each other's side along the way.

"I'm going to miss you."

It had come out as softly as a whisper, Chloe's voice wavering. Beca felt something inside of her give a painful tug, and that was the very moment when Chloe's tears began to spill over.

"Oh, Chlo," she murmured with a frown, immediately taking her in her arms. Chloe hugged her tightly and hid her face in Beca's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," she said, pulling away to wipe at her eyes. "I told myself I wouldn't cry—"

"Chlo, it's okay," Beca assured her, rubbing her arm. "I think I would be a little offended if you didn't cry."

Chloe laughed, and Beca couldn't help but smile a little.

"I'm going to miss you, too."

Wide blue eyes met her gaze.

"You're going to kill it in LA," she said, her eyes shining. "I just know you will."

"And you're going to kick major ass in vet school," Beca told her. "They won't know what hit them."

Chloe laughed and Beca smiled again.

"Promise to keep in touch?"

Beca nodded, her stomach riddled with knots. A lump was rising in her throat.

"Promise," she said, stubbornly ignoring the tears threatening to cloud her vision. "Portland isn't that far from Los Angeles, anyway."

Chloe beamed, and threw her arms around her again. Beca stood there, frozen in shock until her mind registered with what was happening. She wasn't sure of what exactly had taken her by surprise—it wasn't as if physical affection from the redhead was something outside of the norm. But somehow, this seemed different.

Beca knew that another one of her barriers had been broken down when she felt herself give in and pull Chloe closer to her, wrapping her arms around her waist and leaning her head against her shoulder. She felt a strange warmth move through her, simultaneously filling her up and tearing her in two. For someone who tended to avoid physical contact in most situations, having her arms wrapped around Chloe was…nice. She found herself not wanting to let go.

After a few moments, Chloe was the first to move away, pulling away from her tentatively.

"I don't want to keep you," she told her in a quiet voice, crystalline eyes fluttering up to look at her.

Beca's brows knitted together with a pinched smile. She wanted to argue, but Chloe was right. It was time for her to go.

The longer she looked at her, the more impossible the idea of turning around and walking away from her felt. A weight was bearing down on her chest, making it hard for her to breathe.

The idea of leaving had always seemed so easy. It had never been a question of if she'd leave, but when. She had thought about leaving before she'd even gotten to Barden. She never could have imagined that the moment she had been so long awaiting would be so difficult to swallow.

In that very moment, it was hard for her to convince herself that this was the right thing to do. Sure, she had been offered a once-in-a-lifetime career opportunity. Sure, it was the big break she'd always wanted. But she was about to give up her friends and her life and everything she knew now in exchange for it. Whenever she had imagined making that choice, it had always seemed like an easy sacrifice.

Now, seeing her crestfallen best friend, it felt like anything but easy.

Beca knew she had to leave. But she wanted to leave Chloe with something. Something that was lasting, that would make her feel loved; something to let her know how much she really did care about her.

Out of nowhere, she felt a sudden physical urge to lean forward and kiss her.

The realization was jarring, and jolted her insides with shock. She couldn't even begin to comprehend what those feelings were, where they had come from, or if they were even real.

All she knew was that she didn't want to leave Chloe. But she had to.

"I'll text you when I'm through security?" Beca offered, her voice faint as she tried to keep her tears at bay.

"Okay," Chloe said softly, blinking back moisture from her own eyes. "I'll see you around, Becs."

Beca took her hand without thinking about it, giving it a gentle squeeze as she brushed her fingers over hers.

"I'll see you around, Chlo."

Chloe gave her one last smile through teary eyes, giving her hand a squeeze in return. After a lingering moment, Beca finally forced herself to turn around and head towards security. Just when she was about to enter, she turned to see Chloe staring back at her. She smiled and gave her one last wave. Beca did the same.

Taking a deep breath, she passed through the gate. This time she didn't look back.

* * *

 **October 31, 2020**

Los Angeles, CA

Beca huffed a sigh of exasperation as she took one good look at her living room. She had just finished tearing through her room, collecting various trash and dirty dishes, kicking shit under her bed and shoving piles of clothes anywhere she could fit them. Somehow, she had felt that the rest of her apartment had not been as bad in comparison. With throw pillows and blankets thrown about, more dirty dishes and trash, plus an entire table coffee table full of unopened mail, she wasn't sure how she had ever thought that.

Groaning, she dropped her kitchen bag full of trash at her side and plopped herself down in front of the table to tackle the overflowing collection of letters. She picked up a pile and began sorting.

"Bill, bill, bill," she rattled off, tossing them to the side with hardly a second glance. "Oh—"

Something made her stop short. In her hands was a smaller, more square envelope. On the front in bold round handwriting was her name and address. Intrigued, Beca flipped it in her hands. The return address, printed on a sticker, read the name Cynthia-Rose Adams.

"Shit," Beca muttered, tearing open the envelope with a sudden urgency. Inside was another envelope, this time consisting of black card stock with a round pink sticker sealing it. Out slid a matching card printed with looping script in the same shade of pink.

"Fuck."

Cynthia Rose was getting married.

This was not news, Beca realized. The couple had had a long engagement, and none of the Bellas had known when CR would actually end up tying the knot.

Beca felt a pang of guilt in her stomach. The invitation had been sitting on her coffee table, unopened, probably for weeks and she'd had absolutely no idea.

She frowned, and looked at the date printed on the card. November 16th, 2020.

"Oh, _fuck_ ," Beca blurted again, her eyes widening. The wedding was a mere two weeks away.

She sat back and let out a breath, just processing. She would get the time off of work—it was a weekend, so she wasn't too worried about that. In two weeks, she'd be back in Atlanta for the first time in two years. Apart from Amy, she hadn't seen any of the Bellas in two years, having scarcely even kept in touch. And in just two short weeks, they would all be together again.

It wasn't something that sat well with Beca. The time had seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. She'd been so busy working that she'd hardly noticed—and when she had, it had been too late. There were countless ignored messages, and it was all just too much. Beca simply didn't have the time to go back and rekindle all of the relationships she'd let turn stagnant.

Even Amy, who had followed her to LA, she rarely saw anymore. It was her own fault, and Beca knew that. She wasn't proud of it. But work had taken over everything else in her life. If she had learned anything from her career at that point, it was that if you ever wanted to be someone, there was no room for free time. Period. In the music industry, it was all or nothing. There were no excuses to be made. There was no slack given to anyone.

Beca blinked, looking back down at the invitation still in her hands. Since she'd set foot in LA, she'd been nonstop. This was the first time in a long time, the first time that she could remember, where she had been pulled back down to earth for even just a moment. Most of the time, she just didn't have the time to think about anything other than what she was doing next. It was easy to get caught up in the fast pace of day-to-day life and forget where you came from. Forget the people who put you there, who lifted you up and inspired you to succeed.

For Beca, those people were the Bellas. After all they had done for her, it wracked her with guilt that she had just up and left and hadn't looked back.

It hadn't been that easy, though—at least not at first. She still remembered that dreary July day as clear as if it had been yesterday.

Saying goodbye to Chloe had been more difficult than she ever could have imagined. Of course, she didn't think it would be easy to leave her best friend. But this was _her_. Beca Mitchell. Beca Mitchell didn't have feelings. Or at least, she wasn't supposed to.

Barden had changed her. It had broken her down and opened her up to new possibilities, rendering her vulnerable enough to have finally let people in. And it had been the most rewarding experience of her life.

Beca knew that she was a better person because of Barden and the Bellas. And she owe it all to Chloe. If it hadn't been for her picking her out at the activities fair, if she hadn't bombarded her in the shower and pestered her to join that ridiculous, over-the-top a cappella group, Beca's life would have been drastically different.

Out of everything, she thought of Chloe the most. She owed her so much, and yet, she hadn't been able to uphold a promise as simple as being a good friend to her in return. Even when Chloe had been the best friend she'd ever had.

It was a guilt that weighed on her every day, in some form or another, no matter how busy she seemed to be. It wasn't hard for her to be reminded of the bubbly, vivacious redhead. They had made so many memories together that it didn't take much. But each passing nostalgic thought pulled at that guilt, reminding her of how she had carelessly lost touch with the most important person in her life. It tore her up inside to imagine how Chloe might think of her now.

Beca blinked again. This time moisture ebbed at her eyes, pooling at the corners and spilling silently down her cheeks. How sad was it that this was the most she had thought about her friends in months. She had been so headfirst into her work that this was the most she had been in touch with reality in what felt like a long, long time. Life was passing her by and she hadn't even noticed.

The realization was hitting her hard.

In fact, it was a perfect example of how frantically she jumped from one thing to the next. Beca was set to attend some sort of industry Halloween party that night, and her coworker was absolutely adamant about setting her up with someone. Beca felt less than stellar about all of it, but since she had no choice in the matter of attending said party, she figured that perhaps getting laid might help to take her mind off of how crazy everything was, if only for just one night.

Now, sitting on the floor of her apartment in tears, it felt like the absolute last thing she wanted.

But again, she didn't have a choice. She would pick herself up, wipe away her tears, and get on with whatever she was doing. No excuses.

Even if Chloe was the only thing she'd be able to think about, all night long.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

Hello everyone!

This is my first Bechloe fic as I'm new to the fandom, though I've always enjoyed them as a pairing. It's also my first fic where I didn't write an author's note at the beginning - I guess I wanted the suspense lol. My girlfriend and I are working on this as a collab; we came up with the ideas and plot together, I'm doing the writing and she's helping me edit. She might also help with the writing eventually.

So here is Chapter 2 - we hope you'll enjoy it! Thank you to everyone who's already read and subscribed!

* * *

 **Halloween 2020**

Los Angeles, CA

"Beca! Beca!"

Suppressing a sigh, the petite brunette's eyes rolled back into her head as she spun on her heel, her expression simultaneously morphing into the most plastic smile she could muster. Approaching was the slightly overexcited, slightly obnoxious Marketing Representative at the label, Bridget Weston. She was accompanied by an unknown male, who Beca presumed to be her blind date.

"Bridget, hi," she managed through almost gritted teeth, trying her damnedest not to think about all the places she would rather be than at this party.

"So great to see that you made it," Bridget chirped in her shrill, artificially lilting voice, her elbow perched on the shoulder of the Unknown Male.

"Like I really had a choice," Beca deadpanned, her bright, fake smile still plastered onto her cheeks.

Bridget buckled and laughed unnecessarily loudly, slapping a hand on her knee.

"Always the charmer, Beca. I see you really brought out your Halloween spirit tonight," she said, her tone of enthusiasm unwavering. "What are you dressed as?"

Beca looked down at her own 'costume' in confusion. Her outfit was nothing more than a variation of what she wore to work every day: a sleeveless white blouse and black tie, skin tight black pants and matching stilettoed ankle boots. Bridget, on the other hand, was wearing a pair of velour cat ears and what looked like a tail to match the rest of her plain black attire. She had even painted a set of whiskers on her face along with a triangular pink cat nose to complete her look.

None of this was remotely surprising to Beca. It was just almost too uncanny to be real: the most basic Halloween costume, paired with the most basic, one-dimensional human being to ever walk the earth. A match made in heaven.

"Uh, myself?" Beca arched her brows at the blonde, shooting a look to her male accompaniment. "C'mon, Bridg. I can't believe you didn't catch on."

"Get a load of this one, huh?" Bridget said, tapping the arm of her friend with the back of her hand. "Isn't she great?"

Beca stared at the guy with that expectant look she often betrayed which told you she really _wasn't_ expecting anything less than inevitable disappointment. He was attractive enough, she supposed—but he hardly managed to blink, clear blue eyes vacant as ever. With his sandy brown hair and slight beard stubble, he looked like what most girls would describe as 'dreamy'. To Beca, he seemed as ordinary as any other guy that had absolutely zero personality or character. Kind of like the sort of guy Chloe told her she would have gone for, up until junior year.

Chloe.

She knew those eyes had reminded her of someone.

Beca felt her stomach clench as she remembered her scenario from earlier that afternoon. She stared back at the unnamed man, his gaze still completely blank.

 _Did he even respond to her?_ Beca thought to herself, cringing inwardly. _Well that's fucking awkward._

"Well anyway, Beca, this is Craig," Bridget told her, gesturing to the boyish vegetable at her side.

Beca had to stop herself from laughing out loud _._ Of course his name was fucking _Craig._

 _A meathead name for a meathead guy,_ she mused.

"Hi," he finally said, nodding to her.

"Hi," Beca said slowly, sounding much more hesitant than sure. She waited, but Craig didn't offer to shake her hand, his remaining in his pockets.

 _Wow,_ she thoughts, her brows rising. _He really_ is _a meathead._

"Nice to meet you," he said with a clipped, expressionless smile.

"You too," Beca said, her expression stiff and plainly displaying the amount of discomfort she felt. She tried to return his smile, or lack thereof, but it ended up feeling more like cringing.

* * *

It came as a bit of a surprise when she ended up leaving with Craig that night. A few drinks later, Beca still hadn't managed to get the Bellas, the wedding, or thoughts of her estranged best friend off of her mind. For reasons she could scarcely grasp herself, she felt a desperate need for something to distract her from facing what was going to happen in two weeks' time.

As to why she was so intent to not think about it, Beca had no idea. Perhaps it was out of fear of figuring out why she was experiencing such an adverse reaction to the change in circumstance that she was looking for mindless sex to push everything from her mind.

Craig occasionally tried to make small talk during the ride to her apartment. Beca tuned it out for the most part, genuinely not giving a damn about whatever it was he was saying.

"Yeah, totally," she muttered in response to some comment about football teams and the playoffs. Or was it basketball?

She stared out the window of the town car, taking in the views of Los Angeles nightlife as they passed by. She knew this was a stupid idea. Really stupid, when she thought about it. She wasn't one for hookups, especially not with men who had IQs below 30. But for some inexplicable reason, she felt desperate enough to go through with this.

After some time, they reached Beca's apartment complex. Craig finally stopped talking as she led him up the stairs. Her anxiety levels started to heighten as she fumbled for her keys to unlock the door.

Once they walked in, the knots tying up Beca's stomach that had hardly loosened all night seemed to worsen. It hit her that she had no idea what she was doing, and she was nervous. Maybe she would be fine once things started happening, but somehow she couldn't imagine that Craig would be particularly skilled at finessing her.

 _Okay, whatever. This is happening. I'm just going to do it._

Swallowing her pride quite literally, Beca gulped and spun on her heel to face him. Not giving herself a moment to rethink her decision, she stepped forward, grabbed him by the tie of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss.

It was horrible, and she hated every second of it. Between his overabundance of saliva and the scratchiness of his coarse beard stubble, kissing him was so disgusting that it nearly made her nauseous.

She tried to get past it by pressing her lips to his harder and with less tongue, backing them up against the edge of the couch and pulling him with her. It didn't seem to help at first, her palms becoming damp and her heart racing in her chest, but not in the exciting way. She had to stop herself from flinching when he put his hands on her hips, her body wanting to reject the contact. But Craig, seemingly oblivious to Beca's internal struggles, bent to press his lips to her neck.

Instead of a gasp of pleasure, hers was one of horror. She jerked back reflexively, anxiety pulsing through her veins as she pushed him away, holding him at arms' length.

"You know what, I—I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do this," she sputtered, attempting to give an explanation in response to the genuine confusion splayed over Craig's simple features.

His brows only creased further in response.

"But I thought you wanted to—"

"Yeah, I thought I wanted to, but now I don't," Beca said, coming off a bit colder than she may have intended. Her words hung in the air before she spoke again, this time softer.

"I think you should leave."

Beca stared at the floor, avoiding his gaze, her arms crossed over her chest. She could feel his eyes on her, practically burning a hole.

She picked up her purse from the floor and fished through it, producing her wallet.

"Here," she said, thrusting a couple of bills into his palm. "For your cab home. Sorry I wasted your time."

Beca got up from the couch and went to the kitchen, resting her elbows on the counter as she put her head in her hands. Craig stood there idly for a few seconds before he finally went to the door and left.

A groan escaped Beca's throat as she rubbed at her eyes, temples, and the bridge of her nose, only now realizing just how exhausted she really was. She still had a slight buzz from the party, but it wasn't nearly strong enough for what she felt like she needed at that moment.

Getting a glass from her cupboard, she filled it with some ice and produced a bottle of Jack from her liquor cabinet, filling it halfway. She took a long swig, enduring its potent tang for a moment before letting it burn down her throat, sending shivers of warmth down her spine. She felt it immediately, glad to have her inhibitions lowered by that much more. After the idiotic scenario she'd just gotten herself into, it was already helping to numb her own mortification.

After wanting a meaningless hookup in a feeble attempt to clear her mind, now all that filled her thoughts was how stupid she felt. Out of all the ways she could have responded differently to her situation, her idea of a potential solution was probably the most nonsensical of the lot. How she figured that getting dicked down by a brain dead guy with the personality of a robot would be a pleasurable or even fulfilling experience, she was at a loss.

She sighed, extending herself further from the counter so that her face was buried in the sanctuary of her arms. She wanted to cry—she felt it, felt the tears forming and threatening to fall—but she stubbornly refused. She refused to cry over something so inexcusably ridiculous.

A sudden pounding of a fist on her door snapped her away from her moping session, sending her shooting upright where she was standing. Confused, she hesitated before setting her glass on the counter and going to investigate who it was, proceeding with caution.

She glanced through the peephole and scoffed, swinging open the door.

"Surprise, bitch! I'm back!" Fat Amy proclaimed, pushing past Beca and strolling into the apartment as if it was her second home. "Happy Halloween! Did ya miss me?"

"Amy, what are you doing here?" Beca asked her, incredulous. As if she needed any more sensory overload that day. "You could have at least called to say you were coming—"

"Not really an option, Beca, since I honestly can't remember the last time you responded to one of my messages," Amy said matter-of-factly, shooting her a pointed look. "Bumper dragged me to this stupid party and I was tired as fuck so I left, so I thought I would check and see if you were still alive."

Beca sighed, staring at Amy with an unimpressed look on her face.

"You still could have let me know."

"And what fun would that have been?" Amy said. "By the way, who was that guy who just left here?"

"Someone you could've just interrupted me with, had you showed up three minutes earlier," Beca muttered.

Amy gasped dramatically.

"Beca! Were you getting it on with him? Doing the nasty? Why did you stop?!"

Beca rolled her eyes.

"We _weren't_. I told him to leave," she said, folding her arms across her chest in defiance.

"What? _Why_? What's wrong with you? When's the last time you've gotten some, Mitchell?" Amy teased her, bumping her arm with her shoulder. "He was cute, too!"

"He's, uh...Not really my type. He acted as if he had no brain cells left; it's a wonder how he functions," Beca said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Who cares? Sex doesn't require any intellectual conversation, Beca—"

"I know, okay? I just didn't feel like going through with it anymore, is that okay with everyone?" Beca snapped, turning and stalking off towards the kitchen again.

Amy stood there, blinking in her confusion before turning to look at her.

"Jesus, what's gotten into you? I've been gone for two months, it's not like I barge in every day…"

Beca sighed, burying her face back into her arms as she leaned against the counter again. Guilt sunk to the pit of her stomach. Amy had been on vacation back home in Australia for the past two months, and even before that Beca had started seeing her less and less frequently.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, pouting to herself. "I'm just having a terrible fucking day. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Well…okay," Amy said, looking more confused than ever. "I mean, do you want to talk about it?"

Beca huffed a breath, her shoulders slumping as she stared into her glass, slowly swirling her drink around.

"I'm just really stressed out. I _have_ been really stressed out, and it's all just kind of hitting me now," she said, fidgeting with her hands. "Ever since I got to LA I've been nonstop crazy busy with work, and I lost touch with so many people that matter to me and the time passed by so quickly that now I don't know if it's too late to go back and save those friendships. And now Cynthia Rose is getting married, and I don't even know if anyone will want to see me there. I've been such a shitty friend."

"Well," Amy said in her characteristic blunt manner, "I can't really disagree with you there, considering you haven't responded to any of my messages in weeks…"

Beca groaned, plopping herself down in one of the kitchen chairs, taking her drink with her.

"Thanks," she muttered through her fingers, her face in her hands.

"We were sort of wondering if you even knew about the wedding, because you know, no one has heard from you in ages."

Beca shot up in her seat.

"You _knew_ about the wedding? And you didn't tell me?"

"Of course I do!" Amy exclaimed. "And we tried to tell you! CR had to ask me for your address since she tried to get in touch with you like, four times."

"Shit. So that's why she was calling," Beca murmured to herself.

"God, Beca, come on," Amy said, pulling out the chair opposite her. "You gotta get your shit together, man. We all care about you, that's why we all wish we heard from you more often."

Beca frowned, letting out another sharp exhale.

"I know. I'm sorry for being such a terrible person. I just can't believe how the time passed so quickly."

She stared at the table, watching the ice swirl around the amber liquid as Chloe filled her thoughts once again.

"I've just been so focused on work that I've let life pass me by without even noticing. I've probably missed out on so many great things. I could've even missed CR's wedding, had I not found the invitation. I didn't mean to let everything just slip through my fingers like that. But it feels like it's too late."

"Well it's not too late," Amy said, seeming more serious than Beca felt like she had ever seen her. "You still have the wedding. You can make things right with everyone again. And, it sounds like you need a break. This is your perfect opportunity."

"I know," Beca said, sighing. "I'm just afraid I'll fuck it up somehow. I'm nervous to see everyone again."

"And by everyone, you mean Chloe."

Beca's head snapped up, her eyes widening.

"What? Why do you think that?"

"Come on, Beca. I know you. I _know_ things," Amy said, nodding forward and pointing at her head.

Beca rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," she said, taking a sip from her glass.

"You know I'm right," Amy went on. "I know that you and Chloe have lost touch, and that's not like you guys."

Beca couldn't help the frown that clouded her features.

"I'm just afraid that she won't forgive me," she said, her voice almost as quiet as a whisper. "Honestly, I wouldn't blame her."

"Don't be ridiculous," Amy said abruptly. "Of course she'll forgive you. You're Beca, she's Chloe. Together you're Bloe. Remember?"

Beca let out a snort at the memory, shaking her head as she smiled to herself.

"Yeah. I just want to make things right again."

"You will, Beca," Amy brushed her off with a wave of her hand. "Quit feeling sorry for yourself."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right," Beca sighed, nodding in agreement. She had needed some of Amy's tough love more than she had realized.

"Now, more importantly," Amy said, gesturing to Beca's drink. "You're drinking alone and you didn't invite me?"

* * *

Three hours and almost a whole bottle of Jack between them later, Amy was passed out snoring beside her on her bed, the TV still on from their Netflix binge-watching session. Beca, who was still a little drunk but more tired than anything else, curled up with her legs crossed beside Amy. A decorative book lay in her lap.

In senior year, Chloe had put together keepsakes for every one of the Bellas who were graduating as something to remember their time together by. Most had been scrapbooks or photo albums, where Chloe had taken the time to embellish pictures and other memorabilia with decorations and her own comments. They had all given each other goodbye gifts in some form or another, but none of the other girls had come close to coming up with something as heartfelt as Chloe's idea. Beca thought it reflected her perfectly. She had always been so thoughtful, sentimental, and caring to each one of the girls. Everyone knew how important both the Bellas and keeping memories alive were to Chloe. And for Beca, it was the best going away gift she could have asked for.

Beca's had been the biggest and most detailed out of all of them, and it was because of all the things they had shared between just the two of them. Chloe had put together almost all of the photos and memories they had together, writing in little anecdotes and funny stories throughout the way. It was so elaborate that Beca imagined it must have taken her all year to work on it. It made her heart sink to think about how poorly she had treated her then. She had been insensitive and secretive-not even close to the friend that Chloe deserved. It upset her to think about how despite all of that, Chloe had been working on her scrapbook for her the whole time, putting all of her heart and effort into it.

And now, it had sat in a box under her bed for the past two years, collecting dust.

Her heart in her throat, she brushed it off and opened it, smoothing out the pages. On the first was a handwritten note from Chloe.

 _Beca._

 _I think all the time about that day I spotted you in your freshman year. That year was full of ups and downs, and you may have had a rough start with us. But now I couldn't imagine what the Bellas would be today if it weren't for you. And while I knew we would be fast friends (remember that? lol!), when we first met I never would have thought you would end up being the best friend you are to me now. You mean the world to me, and I hope you'll cherish the memories I've put together in this book in the same way I know I always will._

Beca gulped, tears already stinging at her eyes as she turned the page. The time seemed to pass her by as she pored over every photo, smiling through her tears, laughing and crying as she read through every moment and sweet comment that Chloe had written.

By the time she finished, she had lost track of time. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and she was even more exhausted than before. She turned the last page, laying eyes on Chloe's final message to her.

 _I know you hate sappy shit like this. But I already know that the time I spent with you at Barden will be remembered as some of the best of my life. I can only hope that you'll feel the same way._

 _I know we aren't parting ways just yet. But in the case that one day we do, I want you to know that it's been an honour for me to have known you. I know that whatever you decide to do when you leave here will be great, and I can't wait to see all the amazing things you'll do with your incredible talent._

 _I couldn't imagine my life without you, Beca. No matter what you may say or think, I couldn't ask for a better friend. No matter what happens, just know that I'll always be around to support you in whatever you do. Even if there comes a time where I don't see you every day anymore, you will always be my best girl._

 _Nothing will ever change that._

 _Chloe_

Beca's lip quivered as her eyes scanned the page, every word making her heart sink. She knew that Chloe had meant those words when she had written them. She was one of the most honest people Beca had ever known. But going back and reading it after all the time that had passed, Beca had to wonder if Chloe still thought that way about her. She knew that Chloe was the kind of person who often stayed true to her word. But did that mean that she would still welcome Beca back with open arms?

She would find out in two weeks' time, for better or for worse.

* * *

 **A/N 2.0:** Chloe's POV will be next chapter! Sit tight... ;)

 **A/N 2.1:** Sorry if you clicked the link when I first posted; I was rushed and accidentally posted the HTML.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your follows and favourites! We really do appreciate it so much and we hope you are enjoying the fic as much as we are enjoying writing it. :)

* * *

 **November 1, 2020**

Corvallis, OR

* * *

Chloe hummed along to an upbeat song playing over her kitchen radio, her fingers tapping against the spatula as scrambled eggs sizzled in the pan. She sang softly to herself as she stirred them, her red hair tied back into a messy bun. Turning the heat off, she spooned them onto her plate and took the slices of bread from the toaster that had just popped up.

Dousing on generous globs of jam, she glanced out the window and stifled a sigh, her shoulders slumping. It was yet another rainy, gloomy day in Oregon. The past couple of months had consisted mostly of damp, bone-chilling cold, day after day. Chloe could scarcely remember the last time she had seen the sun shine.

Though Portland was her home, after spending seven years in sunny Atlanta, she'd found it more difficult to readjust to the bleak patterns of weather than she'd anticipated. It had been two years since she'd arrived back and she still seemed to struggle, especially through the long winter months.

But she tried her best to keep a positive attitude, even though between the weather, her gruelling class schedule and clinicals, had reduced her social life to something practically nonexistent. Her routines, such as making a habit of singing to the radio every morning, were what kept her clinging to her last shreds of sanity.

Thankfully, it was the weekend, which meant more time to unwind—and even more for studying. And, she was reminded as she opened her laptop, it was November 1st. Looking at her calendar, she felt a genuine smile spread across her cheeks for the first time in what felt like ages. It was November 1st. Cynthia Rose's wedding was on the 16th. That meant that in just sixteen more days, she'd be leaving Portland and returning to Atlanta for the first time in over two years. Chloe was desperate for a break, and she couldn't imagine a better opportunity than spending a weekend with her best friends, celebrating CR and the love of her life.

Chloe breathed in happily, adjusting her photo of the Bellas from their last time together: their summer adventure in Europe. She had it perched on the ledge of the breakfast bar so she could see it every day and let it remind her of the fun she'd once had.

In a way, it seemed somewhat depressing that she even needed such a reminder. But the fact of the matter was that Chloe missed the Bellas all the time, regardless of what her general attitude was towards life. No matter how positive or negative she could try to be, the reality was that she missed her friends—nothing could really change that.

She glanced at the photo again, catching sight of her and Beca, side by side with their arms around each other, smiling and laughing. Her stomach fluttered at the memory, her heart tugging with an all-too familiar pang.

She thought of Beca every day. She wondered how she was, what she was doing, how work was going for her. She missed just talking to her, even if it was about something ridiculous or insignificant.

She often remembered the day they parted ways for the last time; the last time she had seen Beca in over two years. She had asked her to promise that they would stay in touch, and Beca had agreed. At the time she had seemed so willful, and at first, she kept her promise. But as time went on and their lives became more chaotic, their conversations became less frequent and more sporadic. Eventually, there came a time when Chloe just stopped trying. After having her messages ignored for days, then weeks on end, she stopped asking Beca to follow up. Because even if Beca did get back to her promising to FaceTime soon, it never ended up happening.

Chloe understood—she really did. Beca was insanely busy, and so was she. She was so incredibly happy that she was so occupied with her career and that it seemed to be taking off. She only just wished that she could still know what was going on in her life. They had gone from sharing every single detail with each other and joined at the hip, to months passing without them talking. And because Beca's schedule was too erratic for regular communication with anyone, none of the Bellas knew more about her than she did. Amy was the only exception, and remained the only one of the group who was able to verify from time to time whether she was still alive or not.

And while Chloe was understanding, the way they had grown apart left a profoundly unsettling feeling within her. Though she didn't resent her in the slightest, Chloe couldn't help the hurt she felt towards their situation. While she knew that Beca hadn't necessarily dropped her on purpose, she couldn't stop herself from questioning the legitimacy of their friendship. If they meant as much to each other as Chloe had once thought, wouldn't Beca have made more of an effort to keep her in her life?

She found herself often wondering if Beca missed her even a fraction of how much she missed her. She wondered if she so much as spared a thought towards her once in a while. The chance that she didn't was something that Chloe still struggled to come to grasps with. Because while she understood and empathized with a hectic life, the possibility that Beca didn't care about her in the way she thought she did tore her up inside.

It was difficult enough just to cope with the estrangement of her best friend. It was inexplicably hard to go from talking to someone every single day and sharing everything together, to two people who might as well have been strangers. As much as she might have tried to wish it away, nothing ever seemed to fill the void in Chloe's heart that Beca's absence had left.

The prospect of finally reuniting at the wedding both excited her and made her intensely nervous. Perhaps it would be everything she hoped and wished for: a joyous reunion between her and Beca where they pick up where they left off almost as if no time has passed. Or, it could be the opposite. What if Beca really didn't want anything to do with her anymore? What if Beca wouldn't even be there? What if she wouldn't see her ever again?

The very idea of any of the latter happening tore her in two. She missed Beca so much that she would be ecstatic just to see her again and let everything else slide. After all, Chloe didn't need an apology from her. She just needed Beca.

Chloe smiled sadly at the photo, moisture threatening to ebb at her eyes, her heart still tugging painfully.

November 16th couldn't come fast enough.

* * *

 **November 15, 2020**

7:18 p.m. EST

Atlanta, GA

* * *

"Cheers, ladies!"

Glasses clinked with chants of approval all around, the air in the restaurant spirited and filled with a new excitement.

Chloe couldn't have peeled the big goofy smile off of her face if she tried. With her wedged between Aubrey and Jess, surrounding them was Ashley, Stacie, Flo, and Emily, with Cynthia Rose in the centre. She was reunited with her girls in balmy Atlanta, and nothing had felt better in what felt like a very, very long time.

There was only one thing missing from the otherwise perfect picture.

Beca.

"Alright, first off. Thank you all for coming," Cynthia Rose started, jolting Chloe from her thoughts. "It means so much that you all could be here, since some of you have come from far."

She looked at Chloe, and the two exchanged smiles. CR was glowing. It filled Chloe with joy to see her friend so happy.

"Denise and I thought it would suit us better to hang with friends instead of having bachelorette parties," she explained. "I'm glad that we could take this as an opportunity to reunite, and your support means the world to both of us. So...Thank you again, and I can't wait to see all of your lovely faces again tomorrow. We're going to have a blast. That's all."

CR clasped her hands together, smiling bashfully as a chorus of 'awww's rang in response to her short speech.

"Anything for you, CR," Stacie said, beaming.

"Group hug!" Flo chimed in. Something of a domino effect happened as the girls all squished beside each other in the booth, smothering Cynthia Rose between them and resulting in a fit of giggles.

"Aren't we missing people?" Emily asked once they were back in order. "Where's Fat Amy? And Beca?"

"Are they not coming?" Chloe added, trying to appear casual as murmurs of mutual concern swept around the table.

"Not to worry, girls," Cynthia Rose said, putting her hands up to calm them. "Beca and Fat Amy are flying in tomorrow morning. Amy told me they weren't able to get a flight earlier than an overnight."

Chloe immediately loosened at the news, letting out a small breath of relief. As much as she had been excited about seeing everyone else, what she had been nervous about for months was seeing Beca again, and after they all arrived she'd been nowhere to be found. As much as she just wanted to live in the moment and enjoy the time she had with the girls, all her mind had been stuck on since they'd gotten to the restaurant was where Beca was and if she was even coming to the wedding at all.

She was glad to know that she and Amy were going to be there, though the thought of finally reuniting with her still had her stomach tied up in knots. Since she had no idea how it would turn out, she could only be apprehensive and want to just get it over with.

Chloe had waited months, years leading up to this moment—she just couldn't stand not knowing any longer.

* * *

 **Los Angeles, CA**

10:23 p.m. PST

* * *

"Beca, will you calm down already?"

"I'm sorry," Beca said, rolling her palms down her thighs. "I can't help it."

She had been fidgeting like mad during their entire car ride and Fat Amy had become increasingly frustrated with her. She honestly couldn't blame her for it. They'd set off at ten to get to the airport in time for their 12:30 a.m. flight. It was four and a half hours overnight, and with the three hour time difference, they were scheduled to arrive in Atlanta around 8 a.m.

"Am I going to need to give you a tranquilizer or something before we get onto the plane?" Amy asked, side eying her. "You're going to keep everyone else up and then everyone's going to be pissed off, and then _I'm_ going to have to deal with a horde of cranky passengers because you just can't keep it in your pants long enough for us to get there."

Beca blinked at her, mouth gaping open.

"I—" she sputtered, trying to speak, but words seemed to escape her. "What are you talking about? Keep it in my pants? Who, what—"

"Oh come on, Beca. I wasn't born yesterday. You've been like this for the past two weeks because you're just _so_ excited to bone Chloe again," Amy said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What? _Again_?" Beca repeated, incredulous. "I've never—me and Chloe, we, we haven't done anything, _ever_!"

"Beca, it's okay. Seriously. The jig is up. We all know your secret, you don't have to lie to our faces anymore. I mean, just look at Cynthia Rose. Gay is a-ok _ay_."

"Amy, I'm serious," Beca pleaded to her. "We've never done anything. We're just friends, I swear."

"Mm, okay. Sure. And I'm a virgin," Amy deadpanned.

"Ha! Good one, babe," Bumper called from the front.

"Don't call me babe." Amy said, looking mildly disturbed.

"Okay," Bumper said, straightening up in his seat and clearing his throat.

Beca groaned, leaning her elbows on her knees and putting her face in her hands.

"You're impossible."

"At least I got you to relax," Amy countered.

"I'm not relaxed," Beca muttered, rubbing at her temples.

"Alright, well, if you're not gay for Chloe, then why are you so freaked out?"

"I already told you," Beca said, sighing as she sat up. "It's my fault that we haven't talked in months and I'm not sure if she'll even want anything to do with me anymore."

"Oh, right," Amy said, watching the road from her spot beside Beca in the backseat. "Well you need to relax, Beca. I mean, really. I doubt Chloe's going to hate your guts. It's just not like her."

"I know," Beca agreed, her stomach still churning. "I'm still nervous, though. I miss her so much and I just want to make things right between us."

"Ugh," Amy looked at her, cringing in disgust. "Please, spare me from your sappy shit. And you wonder why everyone thinks you're a lesbian."

Beca pouted, sitting back in her seat in defeat, her arms across her chest.

It was going to be a long night.

* * *

 **Atlanta, GA**

8:37 a.m. EST

* * *

Beca and Amy emerged from their gate at Hartsfield-Jackson both half-asleep and hardly functioning, both wearing sunglasses to shield their eyes from the already blazing sun.

It had been a rough night, as predicted. Beca had hardly slept at all between her rampant anxiety and Fat Amy snoring beside her. Her head felt fuzzy and her eyes were tired and strained, but somehow the principal thing she was concerned about was seeing Chloe later. The realization that it would finally be happening in just a few short hours sent her heart slamming itself against her rib cage, her adrenaline spiking. She would be seeing her before the day's end.

Her stomach twisted nervously. Would she be happy to see her? Or would it be the opposite? She wouldn't know until they at last came face to face, but her fear of the unknown was slowly but surely driving her mad. She just couldn't wait to see her again and finally pour out all of the things that had been weighing on her since they'd lost touch so many months ago.

The thought of talking to Chloe again was the only thing that was still maintaining what was left of Beca's sanity. Just imagining being in her presence again was enough to calm her down enough that she was able to function again. Even if Chloe would be upset with her, thinking about looking into those stunning blue eyes again made her feel like everything would be okay.

And maybe everything would be okay. Beca could only hope.

* * *

They took a cab from the airport to their hotel, which was the one Cynthia Rose had designated for family and friends to stay at who were coming from out of town. Both of them still half-dead, they checked in and begrudgingly lugged their bags up to their room.

"Okay," Beca announced once they'd gotten in, flipping her suitcase open on the floor. "We need to hang up our dresses because they're going to be wrinkled. It's almost ten now and the wedding is at two thirty, so we should probably start getting ready around twelve, twelve thirty maybe? Amy? Amy—"

Beca looked up to see that Amy had collapsed on the bed and was now passed out, snoring. She sighed, shaking her head as she hung up her own dress, then opened Amy's suitcase and did the same for hers.

She stood back and looked at her friend, blissfully asleep. Sleep sounded so good…

"Okay, maybe I'll just nap for a little while," she said to herself, climbing up onto the other bed.

The moment her head hit the pillow, she dozed off in almost no time.

* * *

Beca awoke with a start, shooting straight up out of bed. She had passed out completely and alarmingly felt like she'd been asleep for ages. She grabbed her phone to check the time. It was after one.

"Fuck!" she yelped, throwing the covers off of her. "Amy, come on! We have to get up!"

A strangled groan came from her friend's side of the room, her face buried into the pillow.

"Huh? What's going on?" Amy mumbled, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Where are we?"

"We're in Atlanta for Cynthia Rose's wedding which starts in an hour and a half, and we still have to take a cab there," Beca told her, forcing her own body to move even though she was still stiff from sleep.

"Oh, shit," Amy said, pushing herself to the edge of the bed. "Well we've got to get ready!"

"No shit, Sherlock," Beca said. She would have laughed if she hadn't been so damn anxious. "We don't have time to shower, but I've got dry shampoo."

"Thank the lord," Amy said, finally getting to her feet.

The two of them got to work quickly, brushing their teeth and washing their faces side by side in the bathroom while the flat and curling irons heated up. They frantically ran brushes through their hair and attempted to make themselves look well-groomed, both stripped down to their underwear.

They put on their dresses, leaving makeup last. Beca worked to apply her eyeliner as quickly as she could without slipping up. After some quick foundation and bronzer, a light blush and some mascara, she chose a dusty red lipstick to compliment her navy blue cocktail dress.

"Okay, what's the time," Beca said to herself, checking her phone. "Just about two. Okay, we're making good time."

After pulling on their heels and grabbing their clutches, they at last rushed to the hotel lobby to call a car.

The golf club where the wedding was being held was a little ways' more out in the country; about twenty minutes from their hotel. Beca was on edge the entire way there, staring out the window and fidgeting endlessly.

"Please don't tell me this is going to be a repeat of our flight," Amy said, giving Beca a tortured look.

"Well it won't be, considering we'll only be in here for twenty minutes," she replied, wringing her fingers together and resisting the urge to pick at her nail polish. "I'm sorry; I can't help it."

"Alright, look," Amy said, putting her hand up with a sense of finality. "No one is going to hate you. It would be different if you were some kind of big shot music producer snob now—kind of like when you almost walked out on us that one time."

Beca just stared at her, her expression betraying her thoughts of how exactly this was supposed to be helping.

"But once they see that you're the same old Beca, just with incredibly poor communication skills, everyone will be happy to see you again."

"Thanks…I think?" Beca said, wondering if that was more of a diss or a compliment.

"I can't wait for this to be over with honestly," Amy continued in her thickly accented monotone. "I know you're all hung up on Chloe, but good god—"

"I'm not hung up on Chloe," Beca maintained, folding her arms across her chest. "She's my friend, or was my friend at least, and it's very nerve-wracking that I haven't seen her in such a long time."

"Yeah, yeah; excuses excuses, Mitchell," Amy said, waving her off again. "I'm going to make a bet with someone that you'll jump each other's bones by the end of the weekend. That'll be an easy twenty bucks."

Beca rolled her eyes, sitting back in her seat with a sigh. Once Amy was convinced of something, there was no going back. Trying to argue was pointless.

* * *

They arrived in the nick of time, just minutes before it was scheduled to start. The ceremony was being held outside, with the backdrop of the sweeping golf course behind them. It was a bright sunny day, the willow trees surrounding them providing some shade as they swayed gently in the wind. Being November, the weather was an even sixty-eight degrees: not too hot, not too cold.

It was a gorgeous day, and the ceremony setup was beautiful—but Beca couldn't bring herself to focus on any of that just yet. She was looking around frantically, keeping her eyes peeled for Chloe or any of the Bellas, yet to no avail. The area was packed with Cynthia Rose and Denise's friends and family, and none of the girls were anywhere to be seen.

"Do you see any of them?" Beca asked Amy, trying to angle herself to see over people's heads.

"No," Amy said, making Beca's shoulders slump in defeat. If Amy, who was an entire half a foot taller couldn't see them, they were pretty much out of luck. "They're probably up closer to the front."

"Do you think we have any chance of getting up there?" Beca asked, doubtful. She usually wasn't one to be sentimental, but she would have liked for all of them to be sitting together during the ceremony. Moreover, she didn't want any of them thinking that her and Amy hadn't shown up, especially not Cynthia Rose.

"I doubt it," Amy said, already looking uncomfortable at the swarms of people crowding the area. "Let's just get seats where we can find them. We don't have time for pleasantries anyway; it's about to start."

Reluctantly Beca followed her into the seating area. Their timing was perfect, as the music started just as they were taking their seats. For the amount of people present, it was amazing how quickly everyone managed to sit. Just a minute or two later, the procession began.

First came the bridesmaids, walking in pairs side by side. The colours were blush and black, with accents of a brighter pink in the girls' bouquets and the flowers decorating the edges of the aisle. After the two maids of honor came Cynthia Rose, looking sharp in her tux and bright pink tie. She was all smiles as her dad led her arm-in-arm down the aisle, who stood by at the altar waiting to hand her off. The ring bearer and flower girl came hand-in-hand, cute as ever carrying a sign that said 'Here she comes…'

They stood, all turning to look down the aisle for Denise. She emerged on the arm of her father, looking stunning in her traditional white dress. Beca turned to look at CR, who was adorably tearing up at the sight of her bride.

She couldn't help but smile as Denise reached the altar and their fathers shook hands before handing their daughters off to each other. Cynthia Rose was beaming, and never took her eyes off of Denise. It warmed Beca's heart to see her so happy.

As the officiant began, her mind began to wander. When it came to romance, Beca was no expert. In fact, she'd been single since she'd dumped Jesse years ago and had had little to no desire to date anybody else. It was partially due to the fact that since being in LA, she'd simply been too busy to even spare a thought in that department—but even more than that, she was perfectly happy being alone. She'd always been independent, and this stage in her life was no different. Having another person around, with feelings and romance and expectations all in the mix just seemed like much more than she was prepared to deal with.

But seeing Cynthia Rose and Denise exchanging their vows made her think. She hadn't been to a wedding in years—she tended to avoid them like the plague, finding them boring and overly sappy. But there was something about seeing her friend so happy with someone that meant the world to her that stirred something inside her.

She'd never understood love. She couldn't begin to understand the concept of caring for someone so much that you'd vow to spend the rest of your life by their side. But upon seeing them together, part of her began to wonder what that was like. What it was like to have someone you'd do anything for, who would do anything for you in return.

 _Who am I?_ Beca thought to herself, mildly disturbed at how emotional she'd been lately. Maybe she was PMSing.

"By the power vested in me by the State of Georgia, I now pronounce you bound by civil union. You may kiss your bride."

The declaration from the officiant snapped Beca from her thoughts and back to reality just in time to see Cynthia Rose and Denise share their first kiss as wives. She couldn't help but smile like an idiot again at the happy couple, joining in the applause from the cheering guests as they all stood to see them back down the aisle.

As soon as the party had made their way out, swarms of people almost immediately crowded the area, consequently blocking Amy and Beca's line of vision once again.

"Great," Beca muttered, putting her hands on her hips as she tried to peek over the heads again. "How are we supposed to figure out where they are now?"

"C'mon," Amy said, grabbing her hand. "We're gonna push our way through."

"Oh God," Beca frowned, cringing at the idea of being in such close proximity with so many unknown people.

"Excuse me, coming through," Amy called out, dragging Beca behind her. They made their way through with some difficulty before they reached a break in the crowd which seemed to separate the back and front halves of the seating area. "Okay, they should be around here somewhere."

Beca scanned the area, this time having a much clearer view. People were milling around and chatting in smaller groups. One of them had to be the Bellas.

Her heart skipped a beat when she caught sight of a head of bright red hair. She laughed and turned her head, looking in Beca's direction, and a pair of familiar blue eyes found hers.

Beca took in a sharp breath as her heart hammered in her chest, her own deep blue eyes growing wide at the sight of the redhead. A hesitant but bright smile spread across her face as she began walking towards her.

 _Shit_ , Beca thought. _Here we go._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Hi everyone! I'm Maddy, Nicole's girlfriend. We have both worked really hard on this fic so far and are so thankful for all of the feedback/views. Until this point, Nicole has been exclusively writing the fic with me mostly editing and providing ideas. This chapter though I decided to try my hand at actually writing. I had a great time writing this chapter and will probably continue to write alongside Nicole in the future. Nicole and I love feedback so all is very much appreciated! I hope you guys enjoy.

 **A/N 2.0:** Hey everyone, Nicole here. Maddy will probably be annoyed at me for adding in my two cents but I just wanted to say that I'm super excited for you all to read this chapter. It's the first time we actually collaborated on a chapter since Maddy wrote a lot of the content, and I'm really proud of how it turned out! And even more proud of her for going outside of her comfort zone. :) We hope you'll like it! ❤️

* * *

Just like that, Chloe Beale had slipped out of her conversation and was headed in her direction.

Beca's heart was pounding.

 _Okay, stay cool_ , she told herself, trying to appear unbothered. She could already tell that it wasn't working.

It happened so quickly. In one moment they were in their two different worlds, and in the next their eyes had locked, bridging them together once again. In a single instant, all of the distance between them closed with one simple glance.

Chloe had looked at her, and there had been a brief moment of shock; of hesitation. There are few, if any words to explain how it feels to lay eyes on someone who has been missing from your life for years, especially someone who once meant so much.

But Chloe had smiled at her—like, actually smiled at her—and Beca felt like she might throw up.

She managed a smile back, or at least hoped she had, and Chloe excused herself from her conversation to make her way through the crowd, a new flicker of hope shining in her eyes.

Beca stood rooted to the ground as Chloe made her way through the crowd, staring at her in a dazed shock. There were plenty of other people surrounding her, but all Beca could see was Chloe.

Chloe passed by the last few people, and suddenly they found themselves standing opposite each other. Face to face, for the first time in over two years.

Beca was suddenly brought back to that day in the airport; the last time she had grasped Chloe's hand, looked into those blue eyes, felt her heart beat against hers as she held her close in her arms.

Beca wanted to speak, but the words seemed to be caught in her throat.

"Hi," Chloe said, her fingers fiddling with the strap of her handbag. She was biting her lip back in that adorable way she always did whenever she was feeling unsure. Beca felt like her heart might beat right out of her chest just at the sight of her.

"Hi," she forced out, her stomach flipping with her nerves. She took Chloe in, her eyes raking over her, wanting to memorize every little detail for her to remember later. "You look…great."

"Thanks," she said, shyly tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as a slight blush crept upon her cheeks. "So do you."

Chloe really did look breathtaking in her soft blue dress, which coincidentally matched Beca's and nicely complimented both her hair and eyes. She did seem like she'd changed in her appearance, though the differences were subtle. She was still the same old Chloe, stunning as ever, but her face had matured slightly. She seemed to hold herself with more regard; she was confident, but careful. She took herself more seriously, Beca could tell. Her eyes didn't seem to shine quite as bright as they had two years prior.

Beca smiled back at her once she had drank her all in. It hardly seemed like enough.

"Thanks," she said, feeling her own face grow warm. "So…where's everyone else?"

"They're around," Chloe said, a tone of hesitation in her voice. She didn't make any motion to look around for them, her gaze still trained on Beca.

"Beca!" a familiar voice suddenly called from behind, snapping the two of them from their invisible bubble. "Becaaaa!"

Beca turned just in time to see Stacie coming for her, who proceeded to wrap her arms around her and smother her in an involuntary hug.

"It's been forever! How are you?" she asked her, pulling away to look down at her admiringly.

"I—great. It's been great, Stace," Beca said, hating that she had to actually tilt her head back in order to look at her face. "I'm loving the hair!"

"Thanks," she said, tossing it playfully over her shoulder. She was back to her natural dark brown, this time with a few caramel highlights mixed in. "I decided to combine the old with the new."

"Beca," Aubrey said as she walked up, nodding to her. "Nice to see you."

"You too," Beca said, smiling awkwardly as Fat Amy rejoined them, her arms around Emily and Lily. Ashley, Jessica and Flo caught up from behind.

"We're all back together again," Emily gushed, looking round their circle with gratitude shining in her eyes.

"It's so great to see all of you," Beca continued, wringing her fingers together. "I'm sorry I haven't been the best at keeping in touch. I've kind of been the worst, actually, and you guys deserved so much better from me. It's been crazy ever since I got to LA, and I could try to make excuses all I want but I know it wouldn't make anything better, so…I just hope that you'll be able to forgive me."

Beca looked at Chloe as she said the last words, their eyes locking. She had always been terrible at apologies, amongst various other things. To her relief, the girls didn't seem too mad at her, so she hoped that her words would suffice.

Chloe, on the other hand, was a different story. Beca knew that in order to make things right between them again, a proper explanation was the first step. Chloe deserved a proper apology, and so much more than that. Beca wasn't sure if she would ever be able to make it up to her.

"I guess we can forgive you," Aubrey said with the authority of the natural-born leader she was. "Ladies?"

"I suppose," Flo said, coming forward and putting her arm around Beca. "So long as it doesn't happen again."

Beca let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding in, letting a grin inch across her face.

"I'll try my best, but I make no promises," she said, giving Flo a slight bump with her shoulder. The girls all laughed along. She was glad that they didn't seem to hate her, or even be a little angry—and despite all of her worries, it somehow felt like no time had passed between them.

But Beca was still perfectly aware of the dense air between her and the redhead standing to her right. Thick with words that still need to be said; a conversation that needed to be had. Chloe was trying to be happy about the whole situation, Beca could tell.

But now was not the time for them to talk.

"Well," Aubrey said, clapping her hands together, "We should probably head up. I think cocktail hour is starting."

Everyone murmured in approval as Fat Amy made a beeline towards the double doors that lead to the reception hall.

"I saw them handing out some stuffed shrimp and I need to get into that before they run out," she said as she picked up her pace, walking slightly ahead of the rest of the group.

Beca let out a snort at their friend as they entered the hall. It was a large open room with round tables set up behind a vacant area for the dance floor. Towards the front of the room was a four-tier stand holding frosted rose- and gold-coloured cupcakes in the place of a traditional wedding cake. There were paper lanterns hanging from the ceiling and elegant flower centerpieces at the tables. Each different than the last, but still complimenting the theme of the decorations in the room.

"Daaamn, this is nice," Stacie whistled as the Bellas scoped the area for their table.

There was already a crowd of people at the bar getting drinks and Beca realized she desperately needed to get a little alcohol in her system before she chickened out and fled back to her and Amy's hotel room. She was the first to spot a nearby table with a card next to the centerpiece that read 'Bellas' in a pink script font.

"Shit yeah, our table is closest to the bar," Fat Amy said, seeming to reappear out of nowhere, holding a plate filled with stuffed shrimp and some other finger food that Beca couldn't identify.

Beca took her seat first. She was hoping that Chloe would sit next to her, but at the same time wishing that she wouldn't. She missed Chloe. But she also missed how things were with Chloe, and Beca had a lot of apologizing to do before there was even a chance of them being the way they used to be again. And until then, things between them were bound to be tense and a little awkward. There was so much that they both needed to say, but at the moment it wasn't the time or place to get into it.

Beca tried her best to appear casual without making eye contact as Chloe slid into the seat next to her. But she couldn't help herself, and suddenly became lost in the bright blue eyes that once felt like home.

Chloe turned and leaned toward Aubrey trying to hear whatever she was saying over the noise of the crowded bar. In the same motion, Chloe reached under the table and gave Beca's hand a small squeeze. Her breath hitched in her throat at the sudden contact, and after a quick glance and a smile, Chloe had pulled her hand away and had occupied herself with taking a selfie with Flo and Aubrey.

The gesture was small, but it sent a message that lifted a weight off of Beca's shoulders. Chloe knew what Beca was thinking, and Beca knew that Chloe was thinking the same thing. Chloe had always been able to read her like a book. She was the only person in Beca's entire life that her walls weren't able to keep out, which had become the thing Beca both loved and hated the most about her.

With a newfound lightheartedness, Beca stood from her chair.

"Alright, well, I'm headed to the bar. Anyone want a drink?" The question was directed at the entire table, but her gaze was fixed on Chloe.

"Yes, please. I'm too sober," Stacie announced, heading towards the bar without looking back at the rest of them. Flo, Jessica, and Ashley followed close behind her.

"You guys go, I'm good with just water," Emily said in her usual chipper tone, taking a sip of one of the glasses that was already sitting at the table.

"Legacy, don't be such a damn buzzkill," Amy said, pulling her out of her chair and into the ever-growing crowd at the bar.

"What? I just want to remember the moment—" Emily protested, pouting as she was dragged away.

"Chloe?" Beca asked, "Want a drink?"

"Uh, sure, yeah," Chloe answered with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Beca wanted to ask if anything was wrong, but figured it wasn't the right time. She made a mental note to ask her whenever they finally had a chance to really talk.

When they finally reached the bar, Beca walked up to the counter and attempted to get the bartender's attention in the swarm of people. When one finally caught her eye, he walked up to her.

"Whatcha havin', ma'am?" he asked in a thick Georgia accent.

"A whiskey on the rocks for me," Beca said before turning her gaze to the redhead standing behind her. Beca gave Chloe a grin, who rolled her eyes back at her. Beca bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. "And a cosmo for the lady."

She heard Chloe give out a short but loud "Ha!" before she turned around with their drinks in her hands.

"You're a freak," Chloe sighed as Beca handed her her drink, evidently suppressing a grin.

"Yeah, but you love it," Beca smirked as she took a sip of the amber liquid.

She had a feeling she would need all of the courage she could get.

* * *

Chloe took a sip of her water and wiped her mouth with her napkin. The food was delicious; she had ordered the chicken entree and was thoroughly enjoying it. The Bellas had fallen silent around the table for a moment, each of them focusing on the food in front of them. She was grateful for the lack of conversation so she could be left with her thoughts and reflect on the happenings of the night so far.

The wedding had been beautiful and the reception hall they were currently sitting in was gorgeous. Chloe had been misty eyed for the entire ceremony until the kiss at the end when the tears finally rolled down her cheeks. Aubrey had laughed at her and went in search of the other Bellas since none of them were sitting together. She had taken that time alone to scan the ceremony space for the girl she had been waiting to see. The one who made her heart skip a beat at the idea of finally being able to talk to and laugh with and hug her again. The one real, true reason Chloe even came to the wedding in the first place.

And then there she was. Dark, stormy blue eyes had cut through the crowd from across the way, finding Chloe. It was as if there was some sort of gravitational pull between them that made it impossible for them to ignore each other when they were near. There was the girl who had been on her mind since the last time they saw each other over two years ago.

There was Beca.

Her mouth went dry and her palms turned sweaty, but Chloe couldn't help but smile at her. There was Beca. _Her_ Beca. Her best friend.

 _Except_ , she thought, _What if she's different? What if she's changed?_

Chloe had been absent from Beca's life for two years. There must be so much she didn't know about her anymore, so many things she had missed. She feared that 'her' Beca wasn't 'her' Beca at all. What if she was a different person altogether? What if she hated her? What if she didn't want anything to do with her at all?

 _What if she's dating someone?_ Chloe thought, the idea striking her out of nowhere. For some reason the idea of Beca with a boyfriend made her nauseous. She put down her fork, suddenly not hungry anymore.

As if on cue, Cynthia Rose and Denise walked up to the Bellas' table, hand-in-hand.

"Thanks so much for coming, guys. It wouldn't have been the same without you all here," Cynthia Rose said, glowing from the events of the day.

"Everything looks so beautiful!" Flo practically screamed.

"Yeah, and the bartender is super hot," Stacie added, shooting a predatory look in the direction of the bar. Chloe rolled her eyes and stood up to give CR and Denise a hug.

"Congratulations, both of you. Thanks so much for having us," she said between hugs.

"Wouldn't have had it any other way," CR replied with a smile. "I'll see you guys later. Enjoy the rest of the night. And don't get too drunk!" she called over her shoulder as her and Denise walked towards the other tables to greet the rest of the guests.

"Too late!" Beca called out as she finished off her third glass of whiskey. Chloe had never seen Beca legitimately drunk before, but she was sure she couldn't have been anything more than tipsy.

Just as she was about to sit back down, the lights went down and the DJ in the corner of the room started up, a loud hip-hop song coming in over the speakers. The girls grabbed their drinks and headed out to the dance floor: cheering, laughing and already slightly drunk. Chloe smiled at the sight of Ashley and Jessica smashing Emily between them and grinding into her.

She had missed her Bellas and was over the moon that they were all able to be together on this special night. But something was wrong. Something was off with Chloe and she couldn't quite figure out what it was. She began to notice it about a year ago. She had started feeling less and less like her perky, optimistic self. When she looked in the mirror, her eyes didn't shine as bright as they used to. She attributed it to missing Atlanta and the Bellas. But here she was, in Atlanta with her Bellas again and she still felt the same way.

The realization was sobering, hitting her as she sat back down in her chair. Her body suddenly felt numb, and her stomach twisted with worry. This was supposed to be her chance to feel normal again. She had waited so long for this weekend, having counted down to it ever since she received the save the date card in the mail. Everything was going well, and the rest of the girls seemed to be having a great time. So why wasn't she?

Chloe was so absorbed by her own thoughts that she hadn't realized that Beca was still sitting beside her, watching her, the rest of the table now vacant. She was the only other one of the group who hadn't rushed over to the dance floor.

"Chloe?" she asked tentatively, snapping her from her trance. She looked up to see Beca staring at her, a concerned frown on her lips. "Are you okay?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah," Chloe said in a rush, waving her hand as if to brush her off. "I'm fine. I was just, uh, thinking."

"Okay," Beca said, offering a slight smile. "You don't want to go dance?"

Chloe shrugged, feeling her stomach twist again.

"Maybe later," she said, trying to return Beca's smile. "I'm, uh…still really full from dinner."

"Okay, yeah, that's totally understandable," Beca said, nodding vigorously.

Chloe couldn't help the grin that snuck onto her lips. She could tell that Beca wasn't totally buying it, and as a result she was trying to to appear genuinely concerned and empathetic, which was just _not_ her strong suit at all. It was sweet that she was trying to be caring, and Chloe appreciated it—but they both knew that Beca simply didn't know how. It was both adorable and hilarious to see her try.

"What?" Beca asked her, her eyebrow arching up, seeing her grin. "What's so funny?"

Chloe had to stifle a giggle, then rushed to compose herself.

"Nothing, nothing," she assured her, pressing her lips together quickly to keep her from laughing. Beca just looked even more skeptical, her brow arching further as another giggle escaped Chloe's lips.

Maybe things would be okay after all.

Beca's expression softened, and she smiled back at Chloe. A different look passed over her as they gazed at each other, one that was slightly more solemn and searching. Chloe's stomach fluttered nervously.

"Chloe, look," Beca said softly, leaning towards her. "I already said my piece to everyone else, and that was enough for them. But there's a lot that's still left unsaid between us, and you deserve a proper explanation, even though there's really no excuse for what I did…I just hope you'll hear me out."

Chloe stared at Beca, momentarily stunned into silence. She had never seen this side of her, her dark blue eyes betraying an honesty and vulnerability that Beca rarely, if ever, let anyone see. It was almost enough to bring Chloe to tears when she thought about how much she must care about making things right between them if she was willing to put herself out there like this. In all the time that Chloe had known her, Beca had scarcely shown this side of her, even when it was just the two of them. Despite the fact that they were best friends, Chloe often felt like she had hardly even scratched the surface of the walls that Beca had built around herself, only letting bits and pieces of her sensitivity show from time to time.

She couldn't even begin to express it at the moment, but just the fact that Beca was making this stride for her and for their friendship made Chloe's heart swell with affection and gratitude. She knew how hard it must have been for Beca to put herself out there like this, and it truly meant the world to Chloe that she cared that much.

"Of course," Chloe told her, her eyes misty. "That would really mean a lot to me, Beca."

"Okay, good." she smiled back at her, an expression of relief passing over her features. "Do you want to maybe go somewhere where it's not as loud?"

"Yeah, okay," Chloe nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. It was too early to tell if she was truly different, but so far the changes she saw in Beca were only positive. This Beca was thoughtful and considerate. To the rest of the world, she may have seemed like the same sarcastic and guarded girl she had always been. But to Chloe, this version of her made her heart soar with happiness.

Beca led the way through a side door onto a balcony Chloe hadn't noticed before. She held the door open for Chloe and walked towards the railing, spreading her hands out across it as she looked out at the vast expanse of golf terrain. There was a slight chill in the air as the sun had just disappeared below the horizon, casting gorgeous pink and purple streaks all over the sky. Chloe had to fight the impulse to curl herself into Beca to keep warm, shivering slightly at the change in temperature. Instead she followed behind her, keeping her distance and waiting for her to speak.

It was silent for a few moments between them, and Beca still hadn't turned around to face her. Chloe could tell that she was tense about all of this, her fingers curling anxiously around the balcony rail. Even though she wanted to see Beca's face, she knew it was probably easier for her to say what she needed to without having to look her in the eyes.

"Chloe…" she finally started, so quietly that Chloe almost had to strain to hear her. "I'm really sorry. I—" she stopped suddenly, inhaling a breath as she straightened her back, "I'm really, really sorry, and I know that sounds like a load of crap, because what is 'sorry' going to do about anything…But I am."

Chloe stayed where she was, for a moment not knowing what to say. Seeing how crestfallen and hurt Beca was made her heart ache. She knew how hard this was for her, as letting her guard down was not something she did, if ever. It just went against Beca's nature. But she was trying; Chloe could see that. Just knowing that she was making an effort made her want to wrap her arms around her and push aside any bad feelings that may have still lingered between them.

"Beca, it's okay," Chloe said in a soft voice, not wanting to add to her hurt. It was then that Beca at last turned to face her, her blue eyes growing darker by the second.

"It's okay?" she repeated, incredulous. "It's not okay, Chlo. It's a lot of things, but 'okay' is not one of them. I promised to stay in touch. I promised to be a good friend to you. I promised that nothing would come between us and the second I got the LA that all went to shit!"

Beca was staring at her with an almost crazed look in her eyes. But all Chloe could do was stand there, wringing her fingers together. All she wanted was to reach out and pull her into her arms. It was clear that she had lost sleep over this, that she was hurting over it, and that upset Chloe more than anything else.

"I shouldn't have done that to you. To us," Beca murmured, averting her eyes.

"Then…Why did you?"

The words had left her mouth before she had a chance to stop them. She didn't want to upset Beca more than she already was. But the fact remained that that very question had burned in her mind for months, and now years. If anything at all, Chloe just wanted to know why.

But Beca didn't react. Her gaze shifted to her feet, but Chloe's eyes never left her. She could tell that Beca was battling as to whether she should tell Chloe the truth, or try to pass off a lie. Pausing for a moment longer, she took a deep, slow breath.

"It was just easier that way," she finally said.

"Easier?" Chloe asked, "How?"

"I missed you." Beca said, her eyes flickering to Chloe's. "I missed you so much, Chlo—it sounds so stupid but I never expected it to be that hard. I've never missed anyone like that. I've never really needed anyone else before. But all of the sudden I was in LA and it was supposed to be new and exciting and I was supposed to be fulfilling my dreams, but instead it was just lonely and unfamiliar, and you weren't there. It hurt not having anyone and it hurt not having you with me. The idea of only getting to text you or hear your voice without actually getting to be with you," she shook her head, "It was easier to just…push you away. And it wasn't right. I was selfish, and stupid, and it wasn't fair to you, Chlo. I am just so, so sorry."

Chloe hadn't realized there were tears in her eyes until she felt them roll down her cheeks. It hurt her to see Beca in so much pain over her, over their friendship. She remembered how hard it had been to say goodbye that day in the airport. She just wished she had known how hard it had been for Beca, too.

Chloe stepped towards her, at last giving into her urge to be near her.

"I'm not mad at you, Becs," she finally said. Beca looked up at her with big, round eyes and Chloe's heart almost burst with all the love she had for her best friend.

"I wasn't the greatest friend to you, either. I could have made more time for us, so I'm sorry, too. But I'm here now, and we have the rest of the weekend to catch up and try to make things right again," she offered with a smile.

Beca's eyes were still locked onto hers as Chloe walked up and took her hand in her own.

"We'll be alright," she told her, her smile meeting her eyes this time. Beca's gaze flickered from Chloe, to their locked hands, then back to Chloe. In that moment, there was a spark of electricity that shot between them. The kind that made Chloe's heart drop to her stomach. A spark that was sudden, unexpected, but undeniable. She could tell Beca felt it too by the way the brunette's eyes grew wider, and the way she swallowed with nervousness. Somehow there, looking into Beca's ocean blue eyes, was the happiest Chloe had been in a long time.

The sound of the door flying open made them both jump and retract their hands. The sudden lack of contact made Chloe frown.

"There you are!" Amy shouted drunkenly. "If you two are done making out, you should come back to the party. Everyone has been looking for the both of you for half an hour!"

"We weren't—oh my god," Beca said, rolling her eyes in her exasperation. "We weren't making out!"

Chloe couldn't help but laugh at the flustered look on Beca's face.

"Come on, we should get back inside anyway. It's getting kinda cold out here," Chloe said, grabbing Beca by the wrist and following Fat Amy inside.

All of the sudden Chloe was feeling light and carefree, now wanting nothing more than to join her Bellas on the dance floor. She held onto Beca, dragging her with her, knowing the brunette would never go on her own.

"Oh my god!" Aubrey cried, pushing through the crowd."Where have you guys been?! We've been looking for you everywhere!"

"Oh, we were just talking," Chloe replied, keeping her eyes on Beca. They smiled at each other, then back at Aubrey. "C'mon, let's dance!"

Chloe spent the rest of the night dancing and singing obnoxiously with the best friends she'd ever had. Every so often when she was feeling brave, she would back into Beca, grinding into her ever so slightly. She would get a small high off of the way Beca's eyes grew and how her cheeks flushed.

Four hours later when Chloe reached her hotel room, she stripped out of her dress and got ready for bed. She laid there, her feet aching from dancing in her heels, but Chloe was the happiest she had been in a long time. The happiest she'd been since going back to Oregon for vet school. And, she still had the rest of the weekend in Atlanta with her Bellas. With Beca.

As Chloe drifted off to sleep, she was the only thing on her mind.

* * *

 **A/N:** I know it may seem like we are taking things pretty slow so far, but it will be worth it! We have everything planned in our heads and we hope you all will continue along this Bechloe journey with us because the fun is just starting ;)


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Hello hello hello! It's me, Nicole, again. If you're reading this, I'm so glad you're still here. I wrote the majority of this chapter, with a little help from Maddy near the end, and I'm happy to announce that the count is over 6k words, the most yet! ❤️ So hopefully it will make up for the long wait. Before you start, I just want to remind y'all that the initial scene is a flashback. Hope you enjoy, and thank you again for reading!

* * *

 **July 13, 2018**

Los Angeles, CA

* * *

Beca rose from her slumber with a start, for a moment forgetting where she was. With the blanket clutched up to her chest, she slowly managed to relax as she made sense of her surroundings.

Instead of the warm familiarity of her cozy Atlanta apartment, she found herself on a mattress on the floor in a stark, off-white room surrounded by boxes piled up all around her.

It was all coming back to her, the memories from the previous day flooding back in. Getting to her apartment in LA. Her boxes of belongings arriving, having shipped from Atlanta. The flight there. The car ride with Chloe. Driving through Atlanta for the last time. Saying one last goodbye to her apartment. Walking away from her best friend in the airport…

Beca tucked her knees up to her chest, anxiety suddenly overwhelming her, tightening in her chest and making her grip the blanket in fists, her palms beginning to sweat. Yesterday she had been too busy and overwhelmed to process the changes. But now it was hitting her. She was in LA, a city she didn't know, in an apartment by herself, and she didn't know a single person.

She was completely and utterly alone.

Beca never would have imagined that the idea of being alone would bother her at all. But now that she was sitting there, for the first time ever being really and truly _alone_ , it terrified her. The fear ran deep, electrifying her veins and making her feel small; vulnerable. Tears filled her eyes and for once, she didn't have to think about letting them fall. They just did.

She wouldn't have been able to stop them, even if she wanted to. Once she felt the tears trickle down her cheeks it was as if a dam broke down within her—the next thing she knew, she was sobbing violently into her blanket. It was hard to reason with herself that this was what she wanted, what she had planned when everything was so new and different and just downright terrifying. The worst part was, she knew that she would've been fine if she'd had someone with her. Anyone, really, to make the loneliness that had suddenly overcome her sting just a little less. But she had no one. And that reality in itself made Beca truly inconsolable.

Chloe would have known what to do. Beca could just picture her, bouncing on the mattress beside her, giddy with excitement to start the day. She would want to go out and see everything. She would know exactly how they should decorate the apartment. She would drag her out to explore the area for a good place to eat breakfast, because she _knew_ there would be one somewhere. She would keep Beca busy enough that she'd be distracted enough from her own thoughts, not giving her time to dwell on past memories but making new ones instead. In every situation, she always looked at the bright side of things. Chloe would have found a way to make everything better. She always did.

And that was why Beca couldn't stand to be without her. She couldn't do this alone. Beca had never felt like she needed anyone. But now, she needed her best friend.

She needed Chloe.

* * *

 **November 17, 2020**

Atlanta, GA

* * *

It was dark in the hotel room as Beca came to, the drapes at the window pulled tightly shut. She was groggy from sleep as she came to, and disoriented from her dream she had to remind herself of where she was.

She propped herself up on her elbows, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She had dreamt of the day she'd first arrived in LA, except it hadn't been through her own perspective. It had been as if she was outside of her own body, watching herself. It had been that, laced with other memories from her earlier days adjusting to LA as well as flashbacks from the previous night.

It was no wonder why she felt so confused—the vividness of her flashbacks combined with the realization that it had been a dream made her question the accuracy of her reunion with Chloe. But, she realized upon shifting further into consciousness, what she remembered had been real.

Unlike what she had feared, Chloe hadn't hated her. She had seemed a little different at first, a little more distant, but as the night bore on she seemed more and more like herself again. Beca remembered being scared that she would shut her out, but then she had taken her hand under the table to reassure her. She'd agreed to talk with her and listened as Beca poured her heart out to her with an almost tearful apology. And miraculously, she had forgiven her. Beca vividly remembered the way she had felt when Chloe took her hand in hers, butterflies filling her stomach again just at the thought of it.

After that, Chloe seemed to transform back into her true self, dragging her to the dance floor where they spent the rest of the night. They'd had a great time with the rest of the girls, singing and acting like lunatics. She and Chloe had even shared a little drunken slow dance, with Chloe's arms around her neck and Beca's on her waist, subjecting themselves to badgering and hollering from the girls making a fuss over them, squealing to each other whilst placing various bets on when they would finally kiss and sleep with each other.

But they had ignored it all, choosing to focus on themselves in their quiet bubble where only the two of them existed. It was one of Beca's fonder memories of the night, smiling to herself at the thought. Her grin stretched even further at the realization that they still had another full day in Atlanta.

A full day that she would get to spend with Chloe.

* * *

Beca and Amy took another cab to the restaurant where the Bellas planned to have breakfast. They all met up in the parking lot, save from Cynthia Rose who had left for her honeymoon the previous night, all excited to see each other even though they'd been separated for only mere hours.

Beca's eyes locked with a certain redhead's as she stepped out of the cab. Her grin lit up her whole face, making Beca's heart skip a beat as she smiled effortlessly back.

Chloe walked up to her as everyone else filed into the restaurant, seemingly oblivious to the moment the two of them were sharing. Despite their late night, she seemed even more beautiful than before, her skin glowing and her eyes shining bright.

"Hey," Beca said as Chloe reached her, almost having to bite back the huge grin threatening to splay itself across her face.

Chloe just smiled, a familiar twinkle in her eyes as she reached up and pecked Beca on the cheek, causing her face to flush beet red. Grinning even wider at the sight of her, she took Beca's hand and pulled her towards the restaurant, leaving the brunette both flustered and a little bit stunned for words.

They walked inside and made their way to the Bellas' table, all the while with Chloe holding her close to her to shield their intertwined hands from the girls' view.

"There you are," Amy said at the sight of them. "We saved seats beside each other for you two lovers."

Chloe just grinned while Beca flushed even redder.

"Thanks!" Chloe said as they took their seats, letting go of her hand for the time being. She loved this sort of attention, Beca could tell.

"We're not—you know what, whatever," Beca sputtered, attempting to hide her embarrassment by propping her menu up in her face.

The girls laughed.

"She's not even denying it anymore," Stacie giggled, prompting more laughter from the table. "You're going to owe me big time, Amy."

"Mm, nope, actually," Amy said matter-of-factly. "She slept in our room last night. Like I said, if they've waited this long, who knows when they'll actually—"

"Guys! Can we maybe like, not discuss my sex life when we're about to eat breakfast?" Beca burst out from behind her menu, her eyes feeling like they were about to bug out of her head. The more time she spent with the Bellas, the less things seemed to surprise her.

She rolled her eyes when there were only more hushed giggles from the table.

"She's tense," Amy leant forward towards Stacie, speaking in a hoarse whisper that everyone could still hear. "Maybe Chloe can help, you know, loosen her up."

Beca rolled her eyes, dropping her menu again to shoot a death glare at Amy as everyone else burst out laughing—even Chloe beside her.

Beca looked at her friend, practically pouting with a look that said, _Not you too?_

But Chloe just smiled at her, her gaze softening as Beca felt her hand reach for hers, instantly calming her as she intertwined their fingers, similarly to the way she had the night before.

Except this time, she didn't let go.

* * *

Their afternoon was occupied by a shopping excursion in the city centre—after all, how else would they think to spend a bright, sunny day in Atlanta?

Beca and Chloe hung back from the group just enough that it was subtle, neither wanting to get too wound-up in all the excitement. Half the fun was watching the way everyone interacted with each other while engaging in their own private side conversations, offering input when needed. The two of them had a lot to catch up on, and Chloe wanted to know all of it. She was itching to know what Beca's life had been like since the two had lost touch.

"So, I know you've been crazy busy with work, but the question is, do you actually like it?" Chloe asked her. They were walking through a scenic area downtown, eating gelato out of paper cups.

"Good question," Beca said, grinning as she tapped her lip with her spoon. "I do like it, a lot. It is really stressful, and really time consuming, and I'm insanely busy all the time, but at the end of the day I'm still doing what I love. Which is a pretty cool feeling."

"That's great, Beca," Chloe said, smiling genuinely. "That's what matters most, right? That you're doing something you love?"

"Yeah," Beca said, nodding. "I mean, in the music industry it's important to work hard. Especially when you're trying to make it and get your name out there, you really have to put in that extra effort. But this weekend has made me think. I'm already doing well, and I'm not saying that I should slack off, but maybe take it a little easier. I really needed this break. Seeing all of you guys and being away from LA really helped me to get my mind off of work and bring things into perspective."

"It does sound like you've been working really hard," Chloe said, her expression filled with a gentle concern. "I'm so glad that you could come. I was almost afraid that you wouldn't."

"I wouldn't have missed this for anything," Beca told her, looking into her eyes with honesty. "It's been too long…I should've kept in touch. I feel like the most horrible person ever for just dropping off the face of the earth like that."

"Don't," Chloe told her, shaking her head. "Things happen, Beca. Life happens, and no one's perfect. Some of us are just better at communicating than others."

Beca arched a brow at her, causing Chloe to giggle.

"Are you sassing me, Beale? Here I am, trying to have a serious conversation…"

Chloe laughed.

"No, I'm serious! I meant that. I really don't want you to feel bad," she told her, her features softening as she reached out to touch her wrist. "I did miss you, though."

 _A lot._

"I missed you, too," Beca said quietly, staring at the ground. "I'm sorry…"

"Hey, it's okay," Chloe told her, rubbing her arm. "No more apologies, okay? It's behind us now."

"If you say so," Beca said, offering a small smile. Chloe smiled back, wrapping her arm around her waist and tilting her head against her shoulder in a small hug as they continued walking.

"How about you?" Beca asked after a couple of beats. "How's school going?"

Chloe stopped, for a moment put off by the question. She hesitated, looking down at her ice cream, for some reason not knowing how to answer.

"It's…good," she said, nodding. "I've been really busy, that's for sure. And now that I'm in my third year I have clinicals, too."

"Do you like it?"

Chloe bit her lip, her mind instantly flashing back to the small college town of Corvallis, Oregon, where the most exciting thing to do was going hiking in one of the vast forests that surrounded them. Clinicals were hectic, exhausting, and incredibly stressful. The vet school at Oregon State was no joke, and they put a lot of pressure on their students to succeed. Being that it was such a competitive program, it was in a way like survival of the fittest. If you couldn't handle the fast pace and high stakes, you'd easily be weeded out at some point or another.

Chloe still had her head above water, but she had started to feel like her professors' main objective was testing the limits of her sanity. Most of the time she felt like she was keeping up by only a very small margin, doing the bare minimum just to get by. In all honesty, she was lonely, isolated, and constantly stressed. She missed her friends. She missed Atlanta. Chloe had never felt like she didn't belong, until the very moment she'd set foot at Oregon State. She wasn't cut out for a small wooded town surrounded by forest. There was no use in pretending that she was. She simply didn't fit in there, and the general isolation she felt from her classmates seemed to reflect that.

But how was she supposed to admit all of that to Beca, who had just gone on to her about how great everything was going for her? Chloe hardly wanted to admit it to herself. It was far easier for her to just keep pressing on as if nothing was wrong than to acknowledge how miserable she actually felt.

"Yeah," she said, sounding apathetic without trying to. "It's…a lot of work. But it's been pretty rewarding, I guess."

"You don't sound too convinced," Beca commented, frowning slightly.

Chloe sighed, an unsettling feeling coming over her.

"I'm just burnt out. I really needed this weekend, too. I missed you guys. I missed seeing the sun," she said with a humourless laugh.

Beca half-smiled at her, but Chloe could see the concern in her eyes. She averted her gaze, guilt sinking in her stomach.

"Well as long as you're happy," Beca said with what looked like a reassuring smile. Chloe tried to return it but her gaze dropped again, suddenly finding it hard to look her in the eye.

"Yeah," she mumbled, staring at her feet.

She simply didn't have the heart to tell Beca the truth.

* * *

Beca spent the remainder of the afternoon worrying, mainly about Chloe. After their conversation she seemed to be distracted and distant again, similar to how she had acted at the wedding at first, and Beca couldn't stop herself from fretting. Was it something she said? Did she bring something up that may have upset her? It was eating away at her that there was something on Chloe's mind that was upsetting her that Beca didn't know about, and in turn couldn't fix.

In one way, it seemed uncharacteristic for Beca to be so concerned. But on the other hand, she had never really had to worry about Chloe. For as long as Beca had known her, Chloe had always been positive, chipper and outgoing, aside from the handful of times where she would stress over a cappella-related issues. The things that bothered Chloe were often trivial, and most times she made it very clear when and why she was upset about something. The fact that something was quietly getting at her, which none of the Bellas had been made aware of was very concerning, and for Beca, her behaviour was raising many red flags.

But in all honesty, she had no idea what to do, or have a single clue as to how she could best approach the situation. Beca had never fit the role of the 'concerned friend', and highly doubted that she would do a good job of it now. Serious conversations were something she could hardly handle on their own—it didn't help that they were in a public setting.

She wanted to be able to ask Chloe what was wrong without seeming invasive or insensitive. She was treading on dark waters, and despite their efforts to mend their relationship, the circumstances were still fragile. The last thing Beca wanted was to reverse any of their progress, especially if it was something she'd said or done that was cause for Chloe's change in demeanour.

She tried to reason that Chloe didn't really seem upset with _her_ , necessarily. The redhead was just much quieter than usual, albeit still occasionally participating in the conversation. Beca found herself starting to wish that they were alone, just so that she might be able to get a glimpse at what could possibly be going through her head.

"Alright," Aubrey announced when they'd finished browsing another store, checking her watch. "It's about a quarter to eight. Where to, ladies?"

"You know what? We should go out," Amy suggested, pointing her fingers enthusiastically. "One big final hurrah of the weekend. How about it?"

"I'm down," Emily chipped in, grinning. "I haven't been to a club in for _ever_."

"Girl, you're preaching the choir here," Flo agreed with a snap of her fingers. There were murmurs of agreement from the rest of the group.

But Beca's focus was on Chloe, who was the only one who hadn't seemed to react to the idea, and in turn, neither had she. It hadn't gone unnoticed by Aubrey, however, who was eyeing the two of them curiously.

"Beca, Chloe? Do you guys want to come with us?" she asked, snapping the both of them from their own little worlds.

"Uh—" Beca stammered, caught off-guard by the sudden confrontation. "I'm not sure, what are you feeling, Chlo?"

"I'm kind of tired actually, I think I might just head back to the hotel," Chloe said, stifling a yawn.

"You know what, me too," Beca quickly added, nodding with her.

The result was eight judgmental expressions staring back at them.

"Seriously? You guys are so lame!" Stacie deadpanned, scrunching her nose up at them.

Amy was still staring, her head cocked to one side as she tried to make sense of it, when it dawned on her.

"Ohhhh," she gasped, her mouth forming a perfect 'o' as realization came over her features. She pointed between the two of them. "I see what's going on here!"

"God," Beca muttered under her breath.

"What do you think, Flo," Stacie whispered to the shorter girl beside her. "Should we go all in?"

Beca rolled her eyes, folding her arms across her chest.

"Okay, look guys," Amy said, giving Beca and Chloe a pointed look. "There's a lot of money at stake here, so…Whatever you decide to do, just make sure you use protection. Female condoms are a thing, you know."

"Oh my god!" Beca exclaimed, her cheeks flushing crimson. "You guys are nuts! C'mon Chloe, let's go."

Beca grabbed the hand of the startled redhead and pulled her out of the store, hearing the girls' laughter on their way out. Ruffled, she stalked to the edge of the sidewalk to hail the next free cab.

"They're just so ridiculous sometimes," she mumbled as Chloe walked up to her side. To her surprise, she heard the slightest of giggles come from her friend.

Beca turned to look at her and her expression instantly softened at the sight of her smile, her cheeks tinged adorably with a light sheen of pink.

"What?" she asked her, instantly feeling flustered.

"Does it really bother you when they tease us?" Chloe asked her, her eyes appearing even more vibrant against the backdrop of the fading sun.

"Uh, well, I—" Beca stammered, the question catching her off-guard. "I mean, not really? I just…I feel like they take it too far sometimes."

The corners of Chloe's mouth turned up further, and Beca could feel her face growing hotter by the second.

"Why?" Beca tacked on, trying to appear unaffected. "Does it bother you?"

"No," Chloe shook her head, "Not really. I was just wondering."

"Oh."

Before Beca had a chance to mull over the possible meaning of their exchange, a cab pulled up to the curb in front of them. It was then that she realized she'd had her hand in the air the whole time.

She cleared her throat, attempting to play it cool as she moved to open the backseat door.

"After you," she said, grinning as she gestured to Chloe.

Chloe played along, swooning as she climbed into the cab.

"Such a gentleman," she said, making Beca snort as she scooted into the seat beside her.

Beca gave the cab driver the address of their hotel as Chloe slid next to her, taking her by surprise when she leaned her head against her shoulder. She tensed and looked down at her, suddenly concerned. But Chloe was just staring out the window, a faraway look in her eyes.

Beca glanced to the front of the cab—the driver was seemingly occupied, speaking rapid Arabic into his Bluetooth headset. Maybe this wasn't the best time to ask, but she just wanted to know that Chloe was okay. If anything just to hold her over until they got to the hotel.

"Chlo?"

"Mm," Chloe murmured, tilting her chin up so that she was looking at her.

Beca swallowed, her stormy eyes meeting crystal blue ones.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice small.

Chloe blinked, a look of confusion washing over her flawless features.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied calmly. "Why do you ask?"

Beca shifted in her seat, her gaze flickering from hers.

"You've just been quiet," she said, her brows creasing ever so slightly in her worry. There was a lot more to it than that, but Beca wasn't sure she'd be able to explain.

"Oh," Chloe said as she looked away, her lips pursed in thought. "I guess I just have a lot on my mind."

Beca frowned. She had never seen Chloe this cryptic, and it was starting to get to her.

Taking her by surprise once more, she felt soft fingers tug at hers as Chloe bent to rest her head back against her shoulder again. Hesitating, Beca let their hands intertwine as Chloe settled into her. She let her shoulders slump with a sigh as she gave in and tilted her head against Chloe's, giving her hand a gentle squeeze and brushing her thumb across her skin.

Maybe she was overthinking it. But Beca had always wondered how Chloe, one of the most outgoing people she'd ever met, could feel so comfortable around her—Beca—who was painfully awkward and practically allergic to physical contact altogether. Maybe it was because Chloe was affectionate with everyone. But something had always told Beca that something, whatever they had, was different. And while she would never admit it to anyone, when it came to Chloe, Beca didn't really mind.

In fact, at that very moment, there was nothing that she would've wanted more than to just wrap her arms around her and hold her tight. It wasn't in Beca's nature, not at all. But there was something that was nagging at Chloe, something that was potentially hurting her, and all Beca wanted was to take it away.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, they stood in the elevator headed up to their hotel floor—all of the out-of-town Bellas were staying on the same one. Beca of course liked that they were all together again, but she had grown accustomed to her single, loner life in LA and suddenly having so many people in such close proximity again almost made her want to run screaming.

The elevator dinged as they reached the sixth floor, and the doors opened in front of them. Chloe hadn't said anything the entire ride up, again signaling to Beca that something was off. As much as Beca didn't want to admit it, something in her had changed since going to Oregon.

As they headed down a short hallway, they paused when they came to the legend on the wall indicating the direction in which each room number would be. Beca hesitated, knowing her room was about seven doors down to the right. But judging by the way Chloe's body was angled, she could tell that her room was down the left hall and this was where they would part for the night.

"So—"

Beca opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by an eager Chloe.

"Come to my room with me," she said quickly, her curls practically bouncing.

Beca blinked at her.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, okay. Sure."

Chloe beamed with a megawatt smile that made her bright eyes shine even brighter. It made Beca's breath catch in her throat for a moment, her stomach fluttering as she smiled back at her.

Taking her hand, Chloe led Beca into her room. It had a single king-sized bed with a chair in the corner and a dresser with a TV perched on the top of it. Beca immediately unzipped the boots she had been wearing that day as Chloe rummaged through her bag.

"I'm gonna go change, just give me one sec," she said, heading for the bathroom door.

When she had closed it behind her, Beca sat in the chair in the corner and shot her dad a quick text letting him know she was alive. She hadn't told him she was coming to Atlanta. She'd known she would be with the Bellas all weekend and wouldn't have time to go visit him.

Just as Beca was finishing up, Chloe emerged from the bathroom in a blue-and-white striped button-down pajama shirt and matching shorts, her red curls piled on the top of her head in a bun. Beca couldn't help but smile at the sight of her. Even ready for bed, Chloe was adorable.

Chloe caught Beca's eye as she hopped onto the big bed, giving her an amused look.

"What?" she asked her, grinning. "Come and sit with me, you nerd!"

Beca rolled her eyes, stifling her smile as she crawled in beside her. Chloe opened her laptop and pulled up Netflix, making Beca cringe. She hated movies, but for Chloe she always tolerated them. Back at Barden, it had become a bit of a ritual for them to get cozy in Chloe's bed and watch Netflix together. TV shows had been a bit easier for Beca to tolerate, but they would throw in the occasional movie just to change things up.

"I know it's been a while," Chloe said with a grin, as if reading her mind, "so I'll let you pick, since you hate movies so much."

She slid her laptop towards Beca, who hesitated upon seeing the screen filled with colourful titles. Instead, she gently closed it and moved it to the nightstand beside the bed. Chloe just looked at her, confusion creasing her perfect features.

"Chlo," Beca said, looking at her, "I think we should talk."

"Okay," she said slowly, "About what?"

"You—us," Beca said, stammering. She was starting to get nervous. She wanted the truth from Chloe; how things had really been for her in Oregon. There were things on her mind that Chloe was keeping from her—if anything, she just wanted to know why. If she really was hurting, Beca wanted to be able to be there for her.

"How are you? I mean really this time."

Chloe looked down at the bed, shrugging her shoulders slightly.

"I'm fine, Becs," she told her, her voice soft as she knotted her fingers together. "What more do you want to know?"

"But are you really, though?" Beca asked gently, her lips pursed in a slight frown. "I don't want to pry, it's just…You seem different."

"Maybe I've changed," Chloe said, her bright blues fluttering up to meet Beca's.

Beca pried her gaze away, a knot suddenly tightening in her stomach. It was a simple statement, but a loaded one, and Beca couldn't help but feel like it was all her own fault. She'd allowed years to pass between them, after all—of course Chloe would seem different to her. And perhaps the changes had been gradual. But the point was that Beca hadn't been there to see them. She had changed, too, and she couldn't blame herself for that. She shouldn't have expected the same of Chloe.

But despite all of that, Beca still couldn't shake the feeling that whatever was different about Chloe couldn't just be chalked up to getting older.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," Chloe added, her voice quiet. She took Beca's hand in hers, forcing the brunette to look back up at her.

"I just wish I had been there," Beca told her, her voice so soft she was nearly inaudible. She never cried, at least not in front of people, but there was a lump rising in her throat that was quickly becoming very difficult for her to swallow.

"Oh, Beca," Chloe frowned, grasping her hand tighter in hers. "Don't. Please."

When Beca still wouldn't look up, Chloe placed a hand over her jaw and gently turned her towards her.

"Look at me," Chloe murmured, prompting Beca to meet her eyes again. "This isn't your fault. We both let each other slip away. I don't want you to blame yourself, for anything. I want us to be able to put this behind us, and going forward work on getting back to how we used to be…We won't be able to do that if we don't both accept it for the way it is and move on."

Beca was silent for a moment as she processed her words.

"You're right," she finally said, letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry. I just…I don't want to be the reason why you're unhappy. I can't help but think about how much I must have hurt you."

"Beca, it's done now," Chloe told her, shaking her head. "I forgive you. And you could never be my reason for being unhappy, no matter what happens. Never ever."

"You really mean that?" Beca asked, still uncertain.

"I promise," Chloe said, smiling slightly as she gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

" _Are_ you happy?" Beca couldn't stop herself from asking, her brows still creased with worry.

Chloe hesitated before answering, glancing down at her lap as she played with Beca's fingers.

"I am now," she told her, looking back up.

Beca couldn't help but smile hopelessly as their eyes locked once more, her stomach fluttering with the way Chloe was looking at her. At that moment, she could have sworn that the Earth stopped moving, even if just for a second. She could have stared into those gorgeous eyes forever if time would allow it. Everything she didn't know she needed was suddenly found right there, in the beautiful girl staring back at her.

A shy smile crept across Chloe's face as she squeezed her hand tighter, their fingers lacing through each other's. Beca was starting to feel a blush spread down her neck, her skin growing hotter by the second. This was the connection she'd been missing so much. And even though they hadn't seen each other in two years, there was something more there. A spark between them that hadn't been there before. Something that made her heart skip when Chloe touched her hand. She wasn't sure why, but she could tell by the way Chloe was gazing at her and brushing her fingers against her skin that she felt it, too.

"So," Chloe said, breaking their gaze and pulling her hand away to reach for her laptop, "about that movie."

Beca chuckled and began scrolling through Netflix, passing through various titles without sparking much of her interest. She stopped when something caught her eye.

"Let's watch this," she said, mousing over _Singin' in the Rain_.

Chloe's eyes widened in shock. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," Beca said, pressing play.

Beca was not at all inclined to watch the movie whatsoever. But she knew it was one of Chloe's favourites, and all she wanted was to see her smile and sing along to the songs, like the Chloe she knew and loved.

Chloe let out a little squeal of excitement and intertwined their legs together under the comforter. She placed the laptop between their laps and rested her head on Beca's shoulder. A warm happiness spread through her at the gesture. She was suddenly glad that Chloe was preoccupied looking at the screen so she couldn't see her smiling like an idiot.

Beca knew that she had sort of let the conversation drop. She still felt like there was a lot Chloe wasn't telling her, but she really didn't want to pry—especially not if it would upset her mood again.

"Hey, Beca?" Chloe said as the title sequence began, not bothering to moving her head from Beca's shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"You're not…dating anyone, are you?" Chloe asked, shyly peeking up at her from where she was resting against her.

Beca almost snorted. She hadn't even thought of dating since she had gotten to LA.

"No," she said with a chuckle. "Not even close."

"Okay. Just curious," Chloe said as she put her arm around Beca's waist.

"Are you?" Beca couldn't help but ask, even though she was already fairly certain of the answer.

"No," Chloe said with a smile, letting out a giggle.

"Is something funny?" Beca smirked, arching an eyebrow at the redhead.

"No, it's just," Chloe said, stifling a grin, "It's funny, 'cause I haven't even thought of dating anyone in ages. I haven't even hooked up with anyone in like, forever."

"Same here," Beca said, nodding. "It doesn't help that all guys are complete morons."

"So true," Chloe agreed, turning back to the movie. "Girls are much better."

Beca's eyebrows shot up and she looked at Chloe, bewildered—but the redhead was still intently watching the screen. She shouldn't have even been surprised, she realized as her body relaxed and she slumped a little further into the pillows. It was classic Chloe to drop those sort of little comments like bombs in Beca's brain, proving time and time again that she thought of her own sexuality as fluid and all-inclusive.

As for Beca, she seemed to lack the emotional and intellectual depth that coming to that sort of conclusion would require. Moreover, she simply didn't have the time.

As the first song of the movie began, Chloe started singing, just loud enough for Beca to hear. She hadn't realized how much she had missed her sweet voice. How the sound of it transported her back to the Bellas and Barden and home. Home in their Bella house and in their rehearsal space and with Chloe.

It had been so long since they had last done this that Beca realized just how easy it was to forget how much you loved something once it was gone from your life. Of course she had missed Chloe, she had almost every day—but it was things like this, just them spending time together that Beca had let slip from her memory. It was yet another example of how even though she most often loathed physical contact, Chloe was the one exception to that rule. She hadn't been at first, but after much unintentional persistence from the redhead, she had gradually broken her walls down enough that Beca didn't mind being touched by her all that much. In fact, lying beside her with their arms around each other and legs entangled, Beca found it…easy. For reasons she still had yet to decipher.

As the first number finished, Beca wrapped her arm around Chloe's shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze. The thought of having to go back to LA the next day was sobering, and suddenly glared in her mind. Her job was great—busy, but great, and she did like LA and the apartment she had proudly purchased with her own money. But in that moment, with Chloe humming sweetly along to famous showtunes and her snuggled cozily beside her, Beca realized the one thing she needed to be happy.

And tomorrow she would be flying back to Oregon.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Hello all! I'm so so sorry this took so long. I haven't been feeling very inspired lately, and for whatever reason my writer's block fought me with this chapter tirelessly. I know it's moving a bit slowly, but things will get a little more interesting in the next few chapters. Thank you so much for your continued support, as always ❤️

* * *

"Chlo," came Beca's voice through the darkness. "We gotta get up."

Chloe had heard the alarm go off, but she couldn't bring herself to move. The thought of getting on a plane back to Oregon filled her with a dread that spread through her limbs. The weekend had been perfect, at least as perfect as she possibly could have hoped it to be, and the last thing she wanted was to see it end. The thought of saying goodbye made her heart sink in her chest and tears threaten to pool in her eyes. After all, who knew when she would see them again?

And then there was Beca. Her Beca, who was currently rubbing small circles into her back, moving up and down from her shoulder. Her touch was soothing and gentle, and all Chloe wanted was to wrap herself into her and refuse to let go.

She had a feeling that Beca knew she was already awake. After all, it wasn't like her to have to be dragged out of bed in the morning. Chloe Beale was a morning person; she always had been. But today, she wasn't.

Even Chloe knew she wasn't acting like herself.

Soft light illuminated their side of the room as Beca switched on the bedside lamp. Reluctantly, Chloe at last turned over onto her back, suppressing a sigh. Her insides felt thick and heavy with a sadness that was so overwhelming, all she wanted to do was cry. She had been dreading making a move, because that would mean Beca would be forced to stop tracing those calming circles on her back, which was one of the few things still keeping her grounded at the moment.

"There you are," she heard Beca say. Chloe could tell she was looking at her, even though she was staring at the ceiling in her feeble attempt to keep her tears at bay. "Good morning."

Beca was trying to keep things light—she could tell by the the tentative yet gentle tone of her voice. That, and Beca Mitchell didn't believe in good mornings. Chloe did, however, and this certainly wasn't one of them. Just the fact that Beca was trying so hard to make it easier for her made a lump rise in her throat so quickly that she couldn't stop it. Tears instantly flooded her eyes but she refused to let Beca see them, blinking at the ceiling as she inhaled deeply through her nose.

"Chlo? Are you okay?" came Beca again when she didn't respond. Chloe could hear the concern in her voice, and it practically broke her. She didn't want to worry Beca. She didn't want to worry anyone. She didn't want to face what they inevitably had to.

And then, as softly as a whisper, she felt slender fingers brush against her hand and gently pick it up. Holding her hand in her palm, Beca rubbed her thumb slowly up and down her skin.

It only made the lump in Chloe's throat worse. For Beca to have had the nerve to reach out and take her hand like that…It must have meant that she really cared.

It was too much for Chloe to take. She squeezed Beca's hand, her fingers lacing through hers as her tears at last spilled from her eyes and trickled down her cheeks. She sucked in her bottom lip, trying to keep herself from letting out a sob as she turned her head and locked eyes with Beca. The brunette was sitting back on her heels and squeezing her hand back gently. The expression of fear and worry on her face absolutely tore Chloe up inside. She had to stifle another sob, the tears starting to come steady now.

Beca's face immediately dropped in concern.

"Hey," she murmured, lying back down beside her. "Chlo, what's wrong? Is something wrong? Please talk to me."

Chloe choked on another sob, shaking her head. She couldn't bring herself to speak—only wrap herself into Beca's arms, which to her surprise she welcomed her into and held her tight against her chest.

Chloe buried her face into the crook of her neck as she cried softly. And to her relief, Beca didn't tense or jump back from her. She didn't panic, or ask her a million questions; she didn't tell her 'please don't cry' or that it was okay. All she did was hold her, rub her back and run her fingers through her hair while she cried it out. At that moment, that was all Chloe could have ever needed from her.

She knew it was probably a lot for Beca to do this. It was out of her comfort zone, and not only did she claim to be terrible at comforting people, but dealing with a sobbing friend would be difficult for anyone. Beca would never know just how much it meant to Chloe that she would be there for her like this.

Once her tears had started to slow a bit, Beca pulled back from her slightly to check up on her.

"Whenever you feel ready to talk, I'm listening," she told her, smoothing the hair back from her face.

Chloe let out a breath, knotting her fingers together.

"Please don't make me go back," she whispered, her voice hoarse and shaky. "I missed you guys so much and it's so miserable in Oregon and the sun still shines here every day and…what if we fall out of touch again, Becs? I don't know if I could—"

Chloe cut herself off as her eyes started to well again, and Beca gently hushed her.

"Chloe, look at me," she said, tilting her chin up and brushing away her stray tears. "That's not going to happen again. Even if I have to make it my personal duty to talk to you every day…Then that's what it's going to take. Because you're worth it, Chlo. _We're_ worth it. I'm not going to lose you again. I won't. I can promise you that."

"You really mean that?" Chloe asked her, almost in disbelief that those words had come from her mouth.

"With everything I have," Beca assured her, giving her hand a small squeeze.

Chloe blinked at her in awe, her eyes tearing up again, but this time for a different reason. This was yet another side of Beca that she hadn't seen before, and yet she couldn't complain. This Beca was sweet, and thoughtful, and comforting and caring, and everything that Chloe could have possibly needed right now. And while it was a side of her she hadn't been expecting to see, at the same time she was somehow still her Beca, who hadn't changed a bit.

Her words seemed to tide Chloe over for the time being, and after double-checking what felt like half a million times, she got up to go pack her own suitcase.

"You're sure you're okay? You don't need me to help you?"

"I'm _fine_ , Beca," Chloe insisted for the umpteenth time. "I know I had a bit of a breakdown, but I'm fine. I'm a big girl, I can manage."

"Well, if you're sure," Beca said, still looking apprehensive about leaving. "I'll be back in ten minutes anyway—"

"I'm positive," Chloe cut her off, smirking slightly. "Thank you for being so sweet."

In the blink of an eye, Beca's pale complexion turned crimson, and Chloe had to stifle a giggle.

"Don't know what you're talking about, Beale," she said, rocking back on her heels, cool as a cucumber despite being as red as a turnip. "'Sweet' is not a word in my vocabulary, unless we're talking about a 'sweet ride', or 'sweet tooth'—"

Chloe rolled her eyes, her arms folded across her chest as she ushered Beca towards the door.

" _Go_ ," she urged her, smirking as she opened the door and pushed her out of it. "I'll be ready by the time you come back."

Chloe sighed as it closed behind her, and she turned to face her mostly-packed suitcase lying open on the floor. She still didn't want to leave, and she was still going to miss Beca like hell. Beca, a friend willing enough to comfort her while she cried, who somehow also managed to make her forget about all the reasons why she was hurting, even if it was just for a moment. Even if just to get her to smile again.

She didn't know how she'd gotten so lucky.

* * *

"Well well well, look who's doing the walk of shame," Fat Amy practically sang the second Beca walked back into their hotel room. Her eyes immediately rolled back into her head.

"It's not like that," she said, knowing full well Amy still wouldn't believe her, "Trust me."

"And why should I trust you, Mitchell?" Amy said, folding her arms across her chest from where she sat on her bed, her packed and zipped suitcase lying at the foot of it. "Since you've been _sooo_ honest with us in the past…"

"Oh, whatever," Beca rolled her eyes as she flipped her bag open and looked for something to wear. "The only thing I ever kept from anyone was my internship. If Chloe and I had been sleeping together, I'm sure you all would have figured it out by now."

"Yeah, and I'm trying to say we _have_ figured it out, you dimwit," Amy said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Beca sighed, looking at her with her hands on her hips.

"We were watching Netflix, and it was late, and we both fell asleep," she said, turning back to her suitcase. "But, whatever you want to believe."

"Oh, now this is just too much," Amy said, hardly containing her laughter. "You were watching _Netflix_? I mean, come on, Beca. Netflix, really? As in 'Netflix and chill'?"

The blonde shook her head while Beca imagined banging her own against the wall repeatedly.

"You really thought I would buy that?"

"Well it's the truth," Beca said, shrugging nonchalantly. "And, please be gentle with Chloe, okay? She's had a rough morning."

"Why, is it because you fucked all of her brains out last night?" Amy blurted.

Beca just blinked at her, folding her arms across her chest.

"Right, okay, sorry. We're being serious," Amy said, grimacing. "What happened?"

"I don't even know," Beca said, sighing. "She was fine last night, well, seemed to be fine, and then when she woke up this morning, she didn't even want to get up. I had to wake her. And it was weird, 'cause she usually bolts out of bed in the morning like some kind of psycho. And then she just got really upset about leaving, and…I don't know. I'm worried there's something else wrong."

"Maybe she's just PMSing," Amy said with a shrug. "We won't know unless she's still upset later, I guess."

"I guess," Beca huffed, her shoulders slumping as she plopped down in the chair by the desk. "I just hope she's okay and it was just her having a moment or something. Anyway, I'm gonna go get ready."

* * *

It took no more than five minutes for Beca to throw on her clothes and freshen up in the bathroom. When she emerged, she and Amy gathered up their things and double-checked that they had everything before heading into the hall.

"You can go down to the lobby if you want. I'm going to get Chloe," Beca told Amy, who nodded and walked towards the elevators.

As Beca walked the short way to Chloe's room, she felt a heaviness twist in the pit of her stomach. It was starting to sink in that they were leaving. The weekend was over, and they would all be heading back to their separate lives.

Beca sighed. Her heart already ached for Chloe—after all, the redhead brought so much joy into her life without even trying. But after the events of that morning, she couldn't help but feel worried for her all over again. Maybe it had just been a passing moment. But what if it wasn't?

The way Chloe talked about Oregon worried her. Every time home or school came up, she seemed to become quiet and distant and detached. And then she had cried to her not to make her go back. Maybe the stress was getting to her and she wanted to avoid talking about it over the weekend…But she couldn't help but wonder.

Beca knocked, and in a few moments Chloe came to the door, dressed and ready. The next thing she knew Chloe practically bounced into her arms and buried her face in her neck, nearly knocking her off her feet. Surprising herself, once Beca registered what was happening she wrapped her arms around her waist, smiling as she nestled her face into soft ginger locks.

They stood like that for a moment, and Beca let it be. Chloe was the only one who'd ever had the nerve to invade her personal bubble so incessantly, and she was starting to get used to it again. With the amount of hugging and cuddles and hand-holding that had occurred over the weekend, she was going to miss how affectionate Chloe had been with her. In a way, it was nice to have someone who went out of their way to be close to you. She let it happen, because she knew that this would be one of the last times they would hug for a while. She didn't know for how long, but Beca wanted to hold on to her for as long as she could.

"You ready?" she asked Chloe after a few more seconds, silently wishing that she wouldn't have to let her go.

"Ready as I'll ever be," she said, looking up at her with those gorgeous eyes.

Beca couldn't help but smile.

* * *

The shuttle bus to the airport was quiet, save for the quiet chatter from the other passengers talking amongst themselves. Beca and Chloe were wedged beside each other in the back seat with Fat Amy in the seat in front of them, who kept tossing Beca mildly concerned looks from over her shoulder. Chloe was practically curled into Beca, their hands intertwined as she leaned her head on her shoulder. She had been quiet ever since they left the hotel, and Beca was worried as to what could be going on inside her head.

By the time they were almost to the airport, Chloe looked like she was nearly on the verge of a breakdown, holding onto Beca even more than before. Beca could only try to comfort her through small gestures, like squeezing her hand or rubbing her back. She knew that saying something would more than likely open up a floodgate of pent up emotions that neither of them were ready to address just yet.

She was more somber than ever as Beca helped her out of the shuttle van, looking as sad and crestfallen as a lost puppy. Beca found herself wanting to do anything that might help to make it better. But Chloe was uncharacteristically quiet, and she hardly knew how to approach it. All she could do was just be there for her to lean on. She never let go of her hand.

Chloe really started to tear up when the rest of the Bellas arrived to say their goodbyes. She practically collapsed into Aubrey's shoulder crying, who assured her that it would be okay before gently guiding her into the airport.

"Thank you guys for coming," Chloe told the rest of the girls, who had all gathered in a group near the entrance to security, "It really means a lot to me."

"Of course, Chlo," Stacie said, gazing at her with admiration.

"We wouldn't just let you leave without coming to say goodbye," Flo added, whose eyes widened when Chloe just seemed to become more emotional.

"Uh—" Emily stammered, looking frantically between Beca and the rest of the girls, "It's okay, Chloe! We'll see each other again soon!"

"You think so?" Chloe asked, her eyes red-rimmed and bleary.

"Of course," Aubrey said, stepping forward and putting her hands on Chloe's shoulders, "Even if it means we'll all have to get on a flight to Oregon. We'll make it happen. I promise."

Chloe's eyes brimmed with happy tears this time as she threw her arms around Aubrey, taking her a bit by surprise with the force of it. The former captain exchanged a concerned look with Beca, who gave a slight nod, stifling her sigh.

"It was really nice seeing you all," she told them, trying her best to put on her most genuine smile. "We should try to get together again soon, like Aubrey said. And like, actually do it—not just say we will and then it never actually happens."

The girls laughed a bit, even Chloe as they all looked around at each other.

"Alright," Beca said, caving with a smile. "Group hug?"

More giggling ensued as they all enveloped each other in a big group hug, all of them trying to squeeze each other as tight as possible with Chloe right in the middle.

"We should get going," Beca said once they'd separated, looking at Chloe.

They all hugged each other once more and said their goodbyes. It took another gentle coax to get Chloe to walk away from them, the three of them waving as they made their way into security. Chloe was trying her best to hold back more tears, Beca could tell. She put her arm around her as they approached the lineup, giving her back a small rub.

"You okay?" she asked her, her voice soft.

"Yeah," Chloe said, nodding, "I will be."

* * *

They went through security fairly quickly and figured out their respective gates. They were still early, but Beca and Amy's flight left before Chloe's, and Beca was more than dreading having to leave Chloe there by herself.

Chloe decided to wait with them at their gate, which Beca had expected. She was attached to her the whole time they sat there, letting time go by, and Beca was starting to get used to the sensation of Chloe's head resting against her shoulder.

"I don't want to go back," she whispered after some time had passed. It had been quiet between them, and Fat Amy was preoccupied playing a game on her iPad in the seat across from them.

"I know," Beca murmured, glancing down at her as she brushed her thumb against her hand. "What is it that you're worried about?"

"Well, I definitely don't miss school," Chloe said, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular, "And I don't mean to complain but I just really don't want to go back. This weekend has been the most fun I've had in a long time."

Beca frowned, looking down at their intertwined hands. She didn't know what she could say to make it better. She didn't want to tell her that it would be okay, because what if it wouldn't be?

"I'm really sorry, Chlo," she said after a moment, her voice quiet. "I wish I could do something to make it better. If it helps at all, I get it. Work sucks, and I definitely felt burnt out, too. But you know what, it's good that we were able to take a step back and maybe take it a little easier in the future."

"You already do make it better," Chloe told her, playing with her fingers. "Thank you for being so patient with me."

"You don't have to thank me," Beca told her, brushing her cheek with her finger. "How you feel is valid, and however much you need to talk about it, I'm here."

Chloe looked up at her and smiled slightly, but her blue eyes were sad. Beca just wanted to take all her hurt away, wanting nothing more than to see that bright shining smile again.

"Wanna listen to music?" Beca offered, holding out a pair of earbuds from her pocket. And much to her relief, the smile that she knew and loved crept slowly onto Chloe's cheeks.

"Duh," she said, grinning as she put one in. Smiling to herself, Beca put on a playlist she'd made just for them. She relaxed and put her arm around Chloe, who had already began tapping her fingers to the music.

* * *

The time ticked by and Beca's anxiety only heightened with each passing minute. Chloe was effectively distracted by the music, but Beca dreaded more than anything the moment when they would call for boarding. It was bad enough just to imagine leaving Chloe behind by herself. It was another thing entirely to actually have to do it.

She could tell that Chloe was starting to pick up on her stress, noticing a definite difference from just minutes earlier. She was leaning her head against her shoulder and squeezing her hand tightly in hers, and Beca was internally cursing herself for it. She just wanted Chloe to be okay.

Beca turned towards her and wrapped her arms around her, tilting her head against hers and holding her close. She let herself relax against her, nestling her face into her hair and diverting all of her focus to just being in Chloe's arms. She didn't care if people were staring, or what they might think or say. All that mattered was that she was with Chloe, and she didn't want to let her go.

 _I don't want to leave you_.

Her heart dropped in her chest when an announcement sounded over the intercom.

"All passengers on Flight 3702 direct to Los Angeles please report to gate 64B for boarding."

Chloe looked up at her suddenly, her blue eyes wide and panicked. Beca stared back at her, temporarily at a loss for what to do as people started to move around her.

"Hey," she managed to say, gripping Chloe's arms and looking her in the eye, "It's going to be okay. Okay?"

Chloe gave a small nod as they both stood and Beca fumbled to gather her belongings. She felt scattered, her head seeming to spin—her mind seemed to be focused on everything other than what she was doing.

Amy approached them and glanced between them, causing Beca to stop whatever she was doing. She opened her mouth then closed it, hardly knowing what to say.

"I, uh—I'm gonna go line up," Amy mumbled, jabbing a thumb in the direction of the queue waiting to board before turning to Chloe. "It was good seeing you, Chloe."

Amy stepped forward and grasped Chloe in a quick hug before stumbling back and skittering off to the line. For once in her life Fat Amy was speechless, and Beca could hardly believe it herself.

That left just her and Chloe, the two of them staring at each other wordlessly.

Chloe's lip quivered, and the next thing Beca knew she was pulling her into her arms, tucking her head against her chest as she cried softly into her shoulder.

Beca's heart was in her stomach. She didn't know how to make this better. She had never seen Chloe so broken and fragile. It just wasn't like her to be so vulnerable, and seeing her like this hurt Beca in a way she never would have expected.

"Chlo, look at me," she whispered, picking up her chin so that she would look into her eyes. "I know it's hard right now, and I know you're scared. And I know I wasn't there when I promised you I would be. But that's over now. I promise you that this time, I'll be there when you need me. I'm not going to let you go."

Chloe bit her lip, her eyes welling up all over again as she sank back into Beca's arms, grasping her tightly.

"I just miss you so much already," Chloe murmured against her through her tears. Beca frowned, rubbing her back as she pulled her a little closer.

"I miss you too, Chlo," Beca told her, pulling back to cup her face in her hands, brushing her tears away with her thumbs. The longer she stared into those sad, bleary eyes the more they broke her heart. "You're going to be okay, okay? I know you will. You're a tough cookie."

Beca smiled as Chloe brightened a little as she smoothed the hair back from her face. Even despite her tears, she was still the most beautiful girl Beca had ever seen.

"Be strong, okay?" she told her quietly, drinking in every one of her gorgeous features. "I know you will. You got this, Chlo."

Chloe nodded, her lip still quivering. Beca could tell she was still trying to keep her tears at bay as she wiped away the remaining strays.

"Thank you for believing in me," she said quietly, looking up at her with wide eyes.

"I'll always believe in you," Beca told her, smiling. "No matter what."

Chloe wrapped herself into her arms once more, and Beca held her extra tight, nestling her face into her hair as she savoured their last few moments together.

"I have to go," she told her softly, her voice strained as she felt herself becoming choked up. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Chloe nodded, her eyes welling as she squeezed Beca's hand.

"I'll see you soon, Becs."

Taking one last long look at her, Beca grasped her hand and, taking a deep breath, turned away from her.

As she looked back at her, she knew there was nothing in the world important enough that she would let herself lose Chloe.

Not again.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Hi all! So I know it's been a while (over a year oops), but I recently got overwhelmed by Bechloe feels again and decided to pick this back up. I hope some of you guys will still read this and enjoy it! Any reviews, faves or follows are always greatly appreciated 💜

* * *

 **December 20, 2020**

6:47 p.m. PST

Portland, OR

* * *

Windshield wipers abuzz, Chloe's blue Bug was hardly a match for the thick flurries of snow that were falling around it as she pulled into the driveway of the home she'd grown up in. As she put her car in park and killed the ignition, she realized that the large white house had scarcely changed. It had been nearly a decade since she'd lived there, but it had never ceased to feel like home.

As she lugged her suitcase from the trunk, her parents appeared in the shadow of the doorway.

"Hi," Chloe called out, squinting through the flakes of snow as she dragged her bag alongside her.

"Hi honey!" her mother called back, her father's hand on her shoulder behind her. "Glad you made it here safe."

"Yeah, me too. The roads were brutal," she said with a slight smile as she pulled her suitcase onto the front stoop. "Hi again."

The next thing she knew, her parents had enveloped her in a group hug between them.

"We're so happy you're home," her mother continued, pulling back to look at her, "I'm glad you're staying for a while."

"So am I," Chloe agreed as her dad took her bag and led her inside. "It'll be nice to have some down time for once."

Chloe's dad brought her things upstairs and left her to get settled in. She took a look around her room and let out a sigh. It was as if it was frozen in time, bringing her back to senior year of high school, right before she'd shipped off to Barden. Standing there, it felt like a million years had passed and just a few months at the same time. So much had changed since then, but the time had seemed to pass in a blink of an eye.

As she unzipped her suitcase and began to unpack, she couldn't help but think about how different her bright and spacious her room was in comparison to the tiny one she occupied back in Corvallis. Yet despite what she had told her parents, she really wasn't sure how she felt about being home. Of course it was nice to see her family, but in a strange way she still felt isolated. It wasn't as if she had any sort of place of belonging back at school. But lately Chloe had been feeling isolated from everything, including herself.

A soft knock on the inside of the door caused her to look up, seeing her mother standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Mom," she said, standing up. "What's up?"

"Mind if I come in?" she asked with a tentative smile.

"Not at all," Chloe said, sitting on her bed and patting the spot beside her. Her mom sat down and took a long look at her, leaving the redhead wondering what she was thinking.

For Chloe, looking at Cheryl Beale was sort of like looking in a mirror to the future. She shared many similarities to her mother, especially in appearance. Now in her mid-fifties, her red hair had faded to a muted strawberry blonde, though her eyes were nearly just as bright and blue as her daughter's. She had a big heart and was very family-oriented, much like Chloe. The main difference was that Chloe was a dreamer, while Cheryl was more driven and focused. Having been a physiotherapist for over twenty years now, she'd always seemed to know what she wanted. Chloe envied her for that.

"I just wanted to check in with you," Cheryl started, "See how you've been. I feel like we haven't talked just the two of us in a long time."

"I think you're right," Chloe agreed, nodding. "It's been a while."

"So how are things? How's school going?"

Chloe's stomach twisted nervously. She'd known from the moment her mother stepped into the room that those questions were coming. She didn't want to lie. She was sick of stretching the truth. She wanted things to be better but she didn't know how they could be. She wished she could tell her mom everything was bothering her. She wished that she could tell her everything. But Chloe already feared that she was a big enough disappointment as it was. She didn't want to let her down.

"It's fine," Chloe said, her voice strained, "I'm fine. Just…busy."

"I get it," Cheryl said, nodding in understanding. "I bet you're exhausted. And you have clinicals now too, huh?"

"Yeah," Chloe nodded, looking down at her fingers in her lap.

"How's that going? Are you liking it?"

"Yeah," Chloe said, her stomach twisting again. "It's just all very demanding, plus the workload on top of it. I just wish I wasn't so stressed all the time."

"I get it, I do," her mother nodded, placing a hand on her knee. "I remember grad school like it was yesterday, and it definitely wasn't easy. How are you handling it? It's really important to manage your stress when you're in such a high demand."

"I—" Chloe started, opening then closing her mouth. "I mean, the same ways I always do. Listening to music. Singing. Meditating. Sometimes Beca and I talk on the phone whenever I'm feeling really overwhelmed. She helps a lot."

"Well that's good," Cheryl said. "How is Beca, anyway? You're keeping in touch again?"

"Yeah," Chloe said, smiling slightly. "She's still really busy with work, but she's been talking to me pretty much every day. She helps me get my mind off of things a lot."

"Well good, I'm glad you have her. Have you made any new friends at school?"

"Um," Chloe hesitated, frowning at her lap, "Not really."

"What?" Cheryl asked, looking legitimately concerned. "I find that really hard to believe."

"I don't know," Chloe shrugged, "But it's true."

"That just seems crazy to me. In your whole time being there, you haven't made a single good friend?"

"Other than Beth, no not really," Chloe said, wishing there was some way she could get out of this conversation. The sad part was, Beth was her roommate and they weren't even really that close.

She hated the disheartened expression on her mother's face. She wasn't a stupid woman, and Chloe knew she could tell there was something wrong. But the truth was that not even Chloe knew what had gone wrong. She wanted, so desperately, to fit in like everybody else and actually enjoy going to school. But she just didn't, no matter how hard she tried.

"Well," Cheryl said, patting Chloe on her knee once more as she moved to get up, "I won't pester you anymore. I'm sure you're doing just fine."

Chloe felt a lump rising in her throat as Cheryl moved towards the door.

"Maybe we can talk more later. I'll see you at dinner," she said, offering a slight smile before closing the door.

Chloe flopped down against her bed, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her chest. She already felt emotionally exhausted, her tears threatening to well at her eyes. She grabbed her phone and through her watery vision, she saw that she had an unread text from Beca.

 **Becs 💖** 32m ago

 _You make it there okay?_

Sniffling, Chloe wiped her tears with the back of her hand and typed her response.

 **Me**

 _Yeah, I got here around 7. Already been grilled by Cheryl. Things are already shaping up so well…_

Chloe watched as Beca's typing bubble popped up just a few moments later.

 **Becs 💖** now

 _Damn, Cheryl. Let her live!_

 _But seriously. Are you okay?_

Chloe smiled a bit, wiping away a few more stray tears that continued to trickle down her cheeks.

 **Me**

 _Yeah, I'm okay. I mean…I'm trying to be._

Chloe paused, her thumbs hovering above the keyboard. There was so much more she wanted to say, but she wasn't sure if she could.

 **Me**

 _I'm just a little sad. I'm happy to be home but at the same time it feels weird, and…I'm worried that I'm going to disappoint my mom again. I just wish I could be like her. She's always had it together, and I just don't_

Chloe held her pillow a little tighter as more tears seeped out, her makeup smudging against the pillowcase. Opening up to Beca had gotten easier. It was her first instinct to hold everything inside and keep saying she was fine when she really wasn't, but Beca always knew better. She always seemed to see straight through her.

 **Becs 💖** 2m ago

 _Chlo, don't be so hard on yourself. I know your mom is really successful and I'm sure it's intimidating to feel like you're living in her shadow. I used to feel that way about my dad. But at some point I realized I'm not going to be like him, because we're just not good at the same things. And that's okay! It doesn't mean I won't ever be successful, and the same thing goes for you. Your mom will be proud of you no matter what you do, as long as you're doing whatever makes you happy._

Chloe teared up all over again, though this time it was over how touched she was by Beca's words. She couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by the fact that she took the time every day to talk to her and make sure she was okay. Beca had been a good friend to her before, but ever since their reunion in Atlanta, Chloe couldn't possibly picture what her life would be like without her again.

She didn't want to.

 **Me**

 _Thanks, Bec. You always know what to say._

 **Becs 💖** now

 _It's what I'm here for 💜_

 _I gotta get back to work. But I'll be at the studio by myself pretty late, so if you want to call me before bed, you can. Chin up tiger, you got this 👊_

Chloe smiled at the emojis before putting her phone aside and rolling over to lie on her back. Although it had been a little over a month since the wedding, Chloe couldn't help but be in awe of how much her relationship with Beca had grown over the past few weeks. And while it had only been a month, it had been a hard one, what with Chloe's gruelling finals schedule.

She couldn't have done it without Beca. Even though she was busy with her own life, she had taken the time to call her every morning and make sure she was getting out of bed. She'd ask her what her plans were for the day, how she was going to accomplish them and would easily cheer her up if she was feeling blue. She had been her rock, and Chloe could hardly express how much it meant to her that Beca cared so much.

It only made her miss her that much more.

* * *

 **Christmas Day**

8:37 a.m. PST

Portland, OR

* * *

The shrill sound of her ringtone disturbed Chloe from her peaceful slumber that snowy Christmas morning. Her eyes half-open, she turned over and felt around her sheets, at last grabbing hold of her phone. Through her drowsy haze she smiled at the sight of Beca's name lighting up her screen, requesting a FaceTime call.

She answered it and yawned, rubbing the sleep from her eyes as Beca's smiling face faded into view.

"Morning, sleepyhead," she said with her lopsided smug grin which Chloe secretly found both sexy and adorable.

Chloe felt herself blush as Beca's grin widened. This had become something of a ritual for them, and by then Beca had seen Chloe in the morning more times than she could count, but now that she didn't have classes for Beca to pester her to go to, it just felt…different.

"Morning," she murmured, stifling another yawn. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Well it's like Christmas or something, so naturally we all get to go watch my little cousins open presents at the absolute asscrack of the morning," she rolled her eyes, taking a swig of coffee. "Whoopee."

Chloe giggled, feeling oddly fuzzy at Beca's use of sarcasm.

"Aren't you just so full of Christmas spirit," she teased her, a sight smirk playing on her lips.

"Um, always," Beca said, grinning. "So uh, Merry Christmas, nerd. I just wanted to tell you since we probably won't be able to talk again today."

Chloe split into a grin that stretched from ear-to-ear.

"What's this? Beca Mitchell is getting sentimental about the holidays?"

"Shut up," Beca grunted, though she was smiling. "I am not. I just…thought it would be rude not to tell you."

Chloe giggled again, beaming happily.

"Awww. That is so sweet."

"Okay, you're pushing it, Beale," Beca warned, arching a playful eyebrow. "Don't make me take back all of my good holiday cheer."

"I would never," Chloe gasped, feigning shock. "I hope you have a good day today and that you aren't too miserable."

"I should be fine, after a few more Irish coffees," Beca said, gesturing to her mug. "They always make everything better."

"Just don't have too many," Chloe said with a frown. "You know what too much caffeine does to you."

"Yes, dear," Beca said, making her laugh again. "I hope you have a good day, too. I know you're nervous about seeing your family and everything."

"Thanks, Becs," Chloe said with a soft smile. "I just hope it'll all go okay."

"I'm sure it will. Let me know how it goes?"

"I will," Chloe said, feeling a pang in her heart knowing they were about to hang up. "Talk to you later, Bec."

"Bye, Chlo."

With one last exchange of quick smiles and the click of a button, Beca disappeared from her screen.

Chloe sighed and rolled back onto her pillows, letting herself sink into she looked up, she could see steady flurries of thick snow floating down from the cloudy sky through the window beside her bed. It was Christmas, but she still felt off. She missed the sound of Beca's voice already, and the last thing she wanted was to think about dealing with her family and all their pestering questions at dinner that night. But like most other things in life, she had little choice other than to suck it up and just get it over with.

Heaving another sigh, she gathered up what little bits of strength she had and swung her legs over the edge of her bed.

It was time to face the day.

* * *

Chloe stood idly by as her family members filed into her house, being greeted by her dad and younger brother Tyler. After having helped her mother all day preparing for dinner and doing last-minute cleaning around the house, she was already tired and was much more inclined to take a nap than sit through painful forced conversation. She leaned against the wall around the corner from the kitchen, ready to jump back in the moment her mom needed anything.

"Chlo? Can you come here for a sec?"

"What's up, Mom?" Chloe asked, rounding the corner, seeing Cheryl in the process of uncorking a bottle of red wine.

"Can you bring out this wine and the cheese boards?" she asked as the cork came out with a pop and a hiss. "Please and thank you. There's a bottle of white in the fridge for Aunt Leslie and beers for the guys."

"Sure," Chloe said with a forced smile, trying her best not to grit her teeth as she grabbed a few wine glasses from the cupboard.

"What's wrong?" her mom looked up, catching her tone almost right away.

"Nothing, Mom." She shook her head, picking up the cheese and meat trays from the kitchen island, "You know I just hate being at their beck and call."

"It's just for one night, sweetie," her mom assured her, tossing a glance over her shoulder. "Let's not give your grandma anything else to complain about."

Chloe held back a sigh and huffed her shoulders as she walked into the living room, setting the trays down on the coffee table.

"Chlo! There you are," called her Uncle Ken from where he was sitting on the couch. "Come give me a hug."

"Hi, Uncle Ken," Chloe tried her best not to cringe as she made her way over, thinking idly about she was the one who had to come to him rather than him getting up.

"Good to see ya, kid," he told her, slamming a hand on her back as she bent down for an awkward side hug. "You guys got any beer?"

"I was just about to bring it out," Chloe said with another forced smile as she pulled away as quickly as possible, only to turn around and see her Aunt Leslie with her arms outstretched. "Hey, Aunt Leslie."

"Hi, sweetie," she said, squeezing her just a little too tightly for her liking. "Where's your mom? I'm gonna go say hi."

"She's in the kitchen, just getting things ready," Chloe told her. Just moments later, she looked up to see her dad bringing her grandmother into the living room. "Oh, hi Grandma."

"Hi, Mom," came Ken's booming voice over the other conversation in the room. On the couch beside him were her cousins Matt, Jeff, and Tristan, all too busy stuffing their faces with cheese and cold cuts and talking about college parties to her brother Tyler to say hello. But luckily for her, her grandmother had laid eyes on her first.

"Chloe," she said, approaching her at her slow pace, wobbling against her cane. She took her hand, giving her a look up and down. "You've gotten awfully skinny."

"Thanks, Grandma," was all Chloe said with a pinched smile. Whether she had gained or lost weight, it always seemed to be an issue.

As her grandmother's attention shifted to her uncle, she took the opportunity to run back to the kitchen for a breather, stopping just inside the doorway. Her Aunt Leslie was of course chatting her mom's ear off, blabbing away about how all of her boys were doing in college and how they were going to spend the rest of the holidays with her sister in Colorado. Her mom was nodding away, feigning interest, and Chloe took the chance to shoot Beca a quick text.

 **Me**

 _Beale clan is all here. Sinking fast. Please send help :(_

"Chlo?"

Her mom's voice snapped her from her thoughts, having noticed her standing there. She hastily shoved her phone back in her pocket.

"Don't forget about the drinks. And you can put some of the chips out while you're at it."

Leslie continued blabbing away while Chloe busied herself with filling their ice bucket, adding a six pack of beers and the bottle of white wine. She got out a bowl and dumped in a family size bag of barbecue chips, knowing it would keep the boys occupied.

She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Sparing a glance over her shoulder, she took a peek to see if Beca had messaged her back.

 **Becs 💖** 1m ago

 _Sorry babes :(_

 _Try not to let them get to you. ur so much better than ur redneck fam. no offense._

Chloe stifled a laugh.

 **Me**

 _None taken at all._

She watched as Beca typed her response.

 **Becs 💖** now

 _Wish I could be there._

Chloe's heart ached a little, feeling butterflies in her stomach at the idea that Beca wanted to be there to support her—even though she was sure she would not want to subject herself to more family gatherings than she already had to. It meant the world that she would be willing to do something like that for her.

 **Me**

 _I wish you were too 😔_

"Chloe."

"Yeah, Mom?" Chloe snapped up, turning around and hiding her phone behind her back.

"Go put out the drinks, please, and get off your phone. It's family time."

"Okay," she sighed, turning back around but sneaking one more glance at her phone.

 **Becs 💖** 2m ago

 _Don't let them ruin your night. It'll be over before you know it._

Chloe smiled but let out the tiniest of sighs, her shoulders slumping slightly. She appreciated Beca's advice, but couldn't help but feel like it was a feat easier said than done.

* * *

Dinner was by far her most dreaded part of the evening—more than the tedious small talk in the living room, more than having to listen to her brother and cousins go on and on about their 'awesome' college adventures. In fact, this specific dinner on this specific day was something Chloe tended to dread every year. Christmas Eve was always spent with her mom's family, at her Nana's house up in the mountains where she had many cherished memories, while they had always hosted the Beales on Christmas Day. Chloe would take seeing her family on her mom's side any day over her bratty trio of boy cousins, brash Uncle Ken and haughty Aunt Leslie—not to mention her grandmother, who was always in a bad mood for one reason or another. Her father had luckily taken after his own, making the two of them the nicest people in the family, though her grandfather had sadly passed away years ago.

At dinner, there was no slinking away in the back corner, no running away to the kitchen, no place to hide from the spotlight of conversation she was so dreading. Chloe usually liked attention, in small doses. Her outspoken, passionate personality often demanded it. But she had never liked the kind she got from them. Since she was a kid, Chloe Beale always had her head up in the clouds with big dreams and an even bigger spirit. All her family had ever done, at least in her eyes, was pluck her from her fantasy world and give her an unwelcome dose of reality. As an adult, they belittled her passions and the uncertainties that followed with them.

Now at her most vulnerable state, Chloe wasn't sure if she would be able to fight back. It was hard to defend herself when it felt like everyone was already against her.

It was silent for the few short moments after they began to eat, but she knew it wouldn't last long.

"So Chloe, you've been quiet," said her Uncle Ken, looking towards her. "What've you been up to?"

"Not much," she said truthfully, picking at her food.

"What are you studying at school again?"

"I'm in my third year of vet school."

"Sounds disgusting," came her grandmother with a look of distaste.

"It can be, at times," Chloe replied with a humourless smile.

Her Uncle Ken looked somewhat perplexed.

"How'd you go from…whatever it was you were doing before, to that—"

"I majored in English. But by the time I graduated, I had all my prerequisite courses."

"Yeah, I'm sure seven years was more than enough time," her cousin Matt quipped, making everyone else at the table laugh. Chloe just kept the same plastic smile on her face, refusing to pay mind to their jabs.

"Why did it take you so long, anyway?" Jeff piped up.

"She did it on purpose, just so she could stay with those stupid Bellas," Tyler answered for her, shooting her an antagonizing look. Chloe turned to look at him with the same expression, though her gaze had turned menacing. She was well aware he was just trying to egg her on.

"Oh yeah, that was that a cappella bullshit, wasn't it?" her Uncle Ken said, pointing with his fork.

Chloe grasped her cutlery in each hand, tilting her head to one side as she tried her damnedest not to let her blood boil.

"I wouldn't expect any of you to understand or appreciate the meaning and purpose a cappella brought to my life."

"I'm pretty sure it was just because you _had_ no life," Tyler said, earning laughs from Matt, Tristan, and Jeff. "You're not in the Bellas anymore and now what are you doing? Nothing. You've _been_ doing nothing."

"Tyler, that's enough," cut in Chloe's father, but the damage had already been done.

"You know what, Tyler?" Chloe spoke up, raising her voice, "You're in your first year of undergrad. Why don't you let me know when _you_ do something more important than get wasted at your stupid little frat parties. Then we can talk about how I have no life."

"Jesus, Chloe, we were just joking around," said Uncle Ken. "No need to get so offended."

"Yeah, and God forbid the jokes be at anyone else's expense."

With that, Chloe got up and threw her napkin across her plate, storming off to her room. She heard them make more mocking comments behind her, but she didn't care. All she wanted was to be alone and as far away from them as she could possibly get.

She slammed her bedroom door and crawled up on her bed, tucking her knees up to her chin. She was so angry she was trembling, her hands balled up into fists as tears stung at her eyes. She managed to look at her phone through her bleary vision.

 **Becs 💖** 46m ago

 _How's it going?_

It didn't take long for Chloe to type her response.

 **Me**

 _Horrible_

She was just about to further explain when a knock sounded against her door.

"Chloe?"

It was her mother.

"What."

Cheryl opened the door and closed it behind her, turning to look at her daughter.

"Did you really just storm away from the dinner table? How old are you?"

"Really, Mom? Are you really going to get at me when Tyler was the one purposely saying stuff to set me off?"

"So what? You're an adult, you should act like one," her mother said, hands sternly on her hips. "Tyler's a kid, he's going to do and say stupid things. I expect better from you. You should've known that he was just trying to get a rise out of you."

"I knew he was, Mom. It doesn't make what he said any less infuriating. I'm not just going to sit here and take it while you defend every little thing he's ever done!"

"He was out of line and your father is dealing with him. But I am not going to allow you to embarrass us like this. It's Christmas and you only see these people once or twice a year. Go downstairs and finish your dinner."

"Mom, I'm _not_ going back downstairs. You want me to act like an adult and yet you're treating me like a child. I'm not going to just sit there and be subjected to people laughing at my expense just because I'm related to them," Chloe said, tears still stinging at her eyes.

"You know what, Chloe, you can't just run away from everything in your life. At some point you're going to have to face reality, whether you like it or not."

With that, her mother turned and left her room, slamming the door behind her and leaving Chloe to wonder about the implications of her words. She was utterly humiliated and felt sick to her stomach just thinking about everything that had unfolded that night. She was so angry that she was trying to hold her tears in out of spite, making it hard to breathe. But a lump was quickly rising in her throat and all she wanted was to just sob hysterically into her pillow until she felt some form of relief.

Instead, she grabbed one of her pillows and clutched it in her arms, wrapping her limbs around it in a fetal position. She rested her chin on the top of it and squinted at her phone.

 **Becs 💖** 7m ago

 _Why? What's happening?_

 _Are you okay?_

Chloe felt her heart plummet just reading the texts, tears now clouding her vision.

 **Me**

 _No_

 _My entire family just humiliated me at dinner and my mom came up here to yell at me cuz I went to my room._

A few moments passed before Beca responded.

 **Becs 💖** now

 _Chlo, I'm so sorry.._

 _Is there anything I can do? Do you want to talk about it?_

A few tears rolled silently down Chloe's cheeks, her heart giving another tug. She was on the verge of breaking down and all she wanted was to hear Beca's voice.

 **Me**

 _Can I call you? Please?_

 _I just need to talk to someone who's not going to make me feel like shit_

 _But if you can't it's okay_

 **Becs 💖** now

 _No, I can talk. Just give me one sec_

Chloe felt a small wave of relief wash over her, though her body still trembled slightly from anxiety and hurt and shame and the other thousand emotions she was feeling at that moment. Her stomach was full of knots and everything she'd eaten sat at the pit of it like a rock, making her feel like she was going to be sick. Without Beca, she knew she would be okay, eventually. But in that moment she was more than grateful that she would be able to hear her voice and have her tell her that it was okay to feel the way she was feeling and that she didn't do anything wrong and that everything was going to turn out fine.

A few minutes later, Beca's name lit up her screen. Chloe answered and brought her phone to her ear, croaking out a 'hello'.

"Hey."

Chloe felt another rush of relief at the sound of her voice, fresh tears springing to her eyes.

"Beca," she whispered, already finding it hard to get out the words. "I'm so sorry, I'm such a mess right now. I just really needed to hear your voice."

"Hey, it's okay," she told her, her voice soft. "You don't have to apologize for being upset."

Chloe's eyes welled up again and spilled over, hugging her knees tighter to her chest as she cried into her pillow. She knew that Beca probably felt awkward about having to comfort her, but more than anything she was just glad that she cared. She didn't speak for a few moments, allowing some time for Chloe to collect herself.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Chloe looked up and sniffled, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"They were just being so mean," she said, her voice wavering. "I hardly said anything all night and of course they waited until dinner to give me the third degree. They don't understand why I went to vet school and my cousins made fun of me for taking longer to graduate and my brother said I had no life outside of the Bellas. He said that ever since then I've 'been doing nothing'. So I got pissed and told him off and of course everyone acted all innocent. Then after I left my mom came upstairs and told me I was being immature and that I shouldn't have listened to him. She said I embarrassed them and that I should act like an adult and that I can't just run away from everything in my life."

She paused for a moment, having a sudden realization.

"And you know what…She's right. They were all right. That's what made it hurt so much."

"Oh, Chlo," Beca said as more tears seeped from her eyes and she buried her face back into her pillow. "Don't say that. You know it's not true."

"But it is," Chloe countered, her bottom lip quivering, "That's why I got mad at first. Because I didn't want it to be true, but it is. I took seven years to graduate because of some a cappella group, I made a huge life choice out of nowhere, and since the Bellas I've had nothing meaningful in my life. My mom's right that I act like a kid sometimes—I want everything to go my way and I run away from my problems because I can't face them."

Beca was quiet for a moment as Chloe continued crying, her heart aching in her chest. Maybe on some level she had known those things to be true, but to be faced with those realities all at once was overwhelming to say the least.

"So you took a little longer to graduate. So what?" Beca said, taking Chloe a bit by surprise. "You stayed to do something you really loved. You also worked really hard to get into vet school. It may have been a bit of a late decision, but who cares? You decided it was what you wanted to do and you went for it. Not a lot of people can say that."

Chloe considered this, thinking it over.

"I never thought of it that way…"

"And as for what your mom said, I don't know anyone who doesn't want things to go their way or who doesn't want to run from their problems from time to time. Those are natural instincts that everybody has. It doesn't mean you're 'immature'."

"I guess so…" Chloe trailed off, lost in her thoughts. She still couldn't help but feel like a misfit; her family always had a way of doing that.

"It's not a bad thing for you to have loved the Bellas, Chloe. I mean hell, I don't think there's been anything as meaningful in _my_ life since then. As ridiculous as it is, without a cappella I probably would've stayed being that loner kid with no friends and who knows what I would've ended up doing with my life. You guys changed me for the better. It's okay for you to look back on that time and be proud. We were apart of something special."

Chloe hesitated, sighing.

"I know. It's just embarrassing when it comes to other people, you know? To be still hung up on it. I mean, obviously my family doesn't understand," she said, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. "I _felt_ like someone at Barden. It was easy to be confident. There was no shame in the Bellas being my whole life because that was our normal. After I came here, I realized…Without you guys, I'm not special. I don't belong to anything. Without the Bellas, I'm just some nerd."

"Chlo," Beca consoled her as she felt tears coming to her eyes again, "I don't care what you say. You're Chloe freakin' Beale. You couldn't be not special if you tried."

Chloe laughed a little, despite the tears starting to cloud her vision.

"That's easy for you to say," she said, pouting. "You knew me at my prime."

"Maybe so," Beca said, entertaining it. "But I also know you now. And you are the same sweet, smart, charismatic woman you've always been. You don't need the Bellas for that."

Chloe smiled again through her tears, remembering a certain conversation in an Atlanta hotel room.

"I thought the word 'sweet' wasn't in your vocabulary…"

There was a gruff sigh from over the phone, and Chloe couldn't help but giggle.

"See? You're just so darned special that I had to use a forbidden word to describe you."

She laughed, the fluttering in her stomach counteracting the ache she felt in her chest.

"You know, all I do here is miss you guys. I feel like there's something wrong with me because I don't fit in. It doesn't help that my family has to rub it in my face," she said, her lip quivering. "I just feel so alone."

"Chloe, there is nothing wrong with you," Beca told her, her voice soft. "I don't know what's in the water up there, but someone would have to be a complete dick not to like you."

She couldn't help the giggle that escaped her lips.

"I'm trying to be sad, and you keep making me laugh," she protested, crossing her arms over her pillow.

"Well, I mean it. If _you_ don't fit in there, there has to be a serious problem with everyone else," Beca said, making her laugh again. "Who gives a crap what your family thinks, what anyone thinks. They don't understand because they've probably never cared about anything that much in their lives. You shouldn't feel ashamed of that."

"Ashamed of what?"

"Of caring. Of being yourself. Some people are afraid of that…Of letting people know who they really are. I've always been kind of jealous of that…You do it so effortlessly."

"Jealous? Of me?" Chloe blinked. "Why?"

"Because you always just say how you feel. You put yourself out there and you're not afraid. But you know me," Beca said with a humourless laugh, "I'm terrified of being vulnerable."

Chloe softened, her heart tugging at her honesty. Revelations like this were never easy for Beca.

"We're all afraid of being vulnerable sometimes. There are some things I'm still too scared to say," she said, hesitating to admit it. "But you don't have to be, Beca. At least…not around me."

Beca was quiet for a moment, and Chloe couldn't help but wonder what was on her mind, wondering if she'd said too much.

"My point is, Chlo, you have a passion for something you're really good at. Some people go their whole lives without having something like that. You should be proud. We weren't just 'some a cappella group'. We were champions, and it was largely thanks to you."

As modest as she tried to be, Chloe beamed at this. Beca had somehow newly acquired a knack for knowing all the right things to say, and she had to admit, they were working very well.

"Aw, Becs," she said, blushing. "You're so sweet."

"Hey, now what did I tell you about the word 'sweet'…"

Chloe laughed, full and from her chest, and she didn't have to think twice about it. Beca could make her smile again like it was nothing, and she could practically hear her grinning from over the phone.

"You _are_ sweet, Beca. Whether or not that's one of the things you're willing to admit."

"Beale, I don't appreciate you trying to tarnish my reputation with all of this hearsay."

Chloe giggled again, grinning from ear-to-ear. It was hard to believe that just moments ago she'd been a wreck, aside from the dried up tear stains running down her cheeks and the fatigue that always came afterwards. It felt good to laugh and be distracted from her emotions, if only for a moment.

"I'm lucky to have you, Bec."

"Me? Why?"

"You're always saying how I'm such a good friend, and yet…I don't know many other people who would take time out of their day to talk to me like this. Especially on Christmas."

"Who cares if it's Christmas. If you need me, I'll be there. No matter what."

Chloe just beamed, resting her head against her pillow as her heart beat slowly but heavily.

"I know I haven't been the greatest friend. But I'm trying to make it up to you. You deserve nothing but the best, Chlo."

"You have made it up to me," Chloe said, sitting up. "Things may have been rough for a while, but that's okay. Since then you've been the most caring, thoughtful friend I could ever ask for. I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything. We're past it now. You're amazing, Becs, and I don't want you to think anything otherwise."

The line was quiet for a few moments, but Chloe was sure she'd at least made Beca smile.

"You should feel special, 'cause I think this is the sappiest conversation I've ever had."

Chloe laughed, and Beca did along with her.

"I'm proud of you."

"For what?"

"For telling me how you feel."

Chloe sensed her hesitation over the line, likely on whether she should say something more vulnerable or cover it up with a joke.

"You make it easy," she said instead, taking her a bit by surprise, "Easier. After all this time, I know I can trust you. And I already lost you once…I don't want to let it happen again."

"I'm not going anywhere, Beca. That, I can promise you."

The line went silent again, and Chloe felt it. Something unspoken hung in the air between them. It didn't seem to matter that they were miles apart. From the way Beca was saying nothing, Chloe was sure she could feel it, too.

"Well," she said with a slight smile, breaking the silence, "Thanks for making me feel better."

"I'm happy to have helped. Do you think you're going to go back downstairs?"

"I don't think so," she sighed, playing absentmindedly with her fingers. "I'm probably just going to watch some Netflix for a bit then get ready for bed. I don't want to see them again."

"Fair enough."

Chloe continued to fidget, biting her lip as she glanced down at her lap. She felt like there was still so much she wanted to say, but it was hard to find the words.

She wanted to tell Beca she loved her—in the friendly, thoughtful way—but she was afraid that the 'L' word would send her running full speed in the opposite direction, regardless of the reason.

With them, it always managed to feel like something more.

"I miss you," she blurted out instead, heart on her sleeve. "I wish I could see you for the holidays."

"I miss you, too. You might see me sooner than you think."

"Wait. Really?" Chloe perked up, sitting up straighter.

"We'll see," she said, her tone nonchalant, though Chloe could practically hear the smirk in her voice. "You should get some rest, Chlo."

"Okay," she said, smiling and hardly able to argue. "Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of your night."

"Yeah, I've just been having a complete blast over here," Beca said, voice dripping with her trademark sarcasm. "Just text me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay," she said, smiling to herself. "Thank you again, Bec."

"Anything for you. Night, Chlo."

Chloe flopped down against her pillows, still clutching the one she was holding to her chest. She couldn't believe how her night had gone from horrible to worse to okay after just one conversation with Beca.

She couldn't deny the way she felt as that familiar restlessness washed over her all over again. She'd felt this way for years, and yet it only seemed to be getting worse. She wanted more than anything just to be honest with herself, and with Beca, but she was scared. Scared of getting rejected again, after all this time…

It was one of the things, the only thing, that she was too afraid to say.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Hi all! I am so glad to be back so soon, in exactly a week since my last update which I think may be a personal record. Also thank you so much for your reviews and if you're still reading, followed or faved. I appreciate it so much :D

A couple things about this chapter - *spoiler* there's going to be a playlist referenced, which I have made and shared on Apple Music because I have no life and I love playlists. Since I can't post a link, you can find it by looking up "Chloe's mixtape" via the search feature in Apple Music. The results will come up all the way at the bottom under the heading 'shared playlists'. Also, may have used Chloe as a decoy for my own personal Ariana Grande obsession. In my defense, the songs I chose to mention were the ones I thought would make the biggest impression.

Let me know what you think! Feedback is always much appreciated. Happy reading! :)

* * *

 **December 26, 2020**

8:42 a.m. PST

Portland, OR

* * *

A knock on her bedroom door roughly jolted Chloe from her slumber, causing her to wake in a state of confusion and disorientation.

"Huh?" she lifted her head from her pillow, eyes half-open, voice hoarse from sleep. Her door opened a crack and she saw a blurry version of her mom's head poke through.

"Chlo? You awake?"

"Now I am," Chloe grumbled, letting her face fall back into her pillow, making her next response muffled. "What time is it?"

"Do you mind if I come in for a sec?" she asked, opening the door another crack.

"I guess not," came her next mumbled response. She leaned her head on its side, watching her mother let herself into her room through a single opened eye. She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, looking hesitant. It wasn't often one saw Cheryl Beale looking unsure of herself, and Chloe was mildly curious as to what she had to say.

"I just wanted to…apologize for last night. I wasn't thinking enough about how awful you must have felt after everyone ganged up on you like that. I was being selfish and I'm sorry."

Chloe let this process for a few long moments, letting out a breath through her nose. Slowly, she drew herself up to a sitting position and crossed her legs, holding her pillow against her chest. She looked at her mother with a blank expression on her face.

"Okay."

Cheryl let out a sigh herself, turning towards Chloe.

"I didn't mean what I said," she said, averting her eyes. "And I don't agree with anything they were saying, either. Just because you took a bit longer to finish school, it doesn't mean I'm not proud of you. You know that, don't you?"

Chloe looked down at her lap, knotting her fingers together. It felt far too early to be having this conversation and be forced to remember the incidences of the previous night. Her deep sleep had been a blissful escape, having almost dozed off with her lamp on while watching _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ in her feeble attempt to salvage what little happiness was left of the holiday.

"I don't know. I was never really sure," Chloe admitted, tentatively looking up at her mother. "It's not hard to feel like a failure when I have such big shoes to fill."

"Oh, Chloe," Cheryl said, reaching out to place a hand to her cheek. "Please, don't ever feel like you have to live up to anyone's standards—mine included. As long as you're doing whatever makes you happy, that's all that really matters."

"Well if you say so, Mom," Chloe said with a half-smile, still feeling unsure.

"Can you forgive me?"

Chloe hesitated for a moment, pretending to think it over just for the sake of dragging it out.

"Yeah, I guess so."

Cheryl chuckled and Chloe couldn't help but smile a little as she leaned in for a hug. She let her eyes fall closed as her chin rested upon her mom's shoulder, squeezing her just slightly.

Her mother tried, she really did, but the truth was that Chloe had always felt some sort of disconnect between them. She felt like she should feel closer to her—after all, she was the person she was supposed to be closest to—but they had never had the kind of relationship where she felt like she could share everything with her. Little slip ups like the previous night only increased those feelings for her, and while she was fine to forgive her at that moment, a cloud of doubt would always linger in her mind when it came to giving her full trust.

The sound of the front door shutting downstairs seemed to jolt her mother away, leaving Chloe in a state of further confusion.

"That reminds me," she said, a knowing smile now playing up on her lips, "We have a surprise for you downstairs that I think you're going to like."

"Oh?" Chloe asked, tilting her head to one side as she arched a brow in suspicion.

"Come, come," her mom waved for her to get up from the bed, leading her with her hand. Chloe stumbled ungracefully upright, her joints still stiff from sleep, wondering what exactly was worth the huge rush.

She yawned, stretching her arms as her mom ushered her somewhat impatiently from her room. Still confused, she finished rubbing the sleep from her eyes, blinking slowly by the edge of the stairs. By the front door she saw her dad, his jacket and hat covered in a light dusting of snow, and beside him—

"BECA!"

It was a miracle in itself that she didn't trip as she sprinted down the stairs, squealing like a child on Christmas morning as she ran straight into her arms.

She could tell that Beca been expecting some sort of similar reaction because all she did was chuckle against her ear as she wrapped her arms around her waist, hugging her back. Chloe didn't want to let go anytime soon, still absorbed by the shock of the moment as she nestled her face into her shoulder, the canvas of her jacket still cold and smelling of airports and snow.

"Hi, nerd."

Chloe beamed against her, arms thrown around her shoulders. She knew it had been a long time since she'd been holding onto her when she felt Beca's hand on the back of her head patting her, but she didn't want to pull away.

She did moments later, just so she could see Beca's face. Her smile only widened and her heart only raced faster at the sight of her, doing topsy-turvy funny things as she took in that dazzling smile of pearly white and gazed into her darkened blue eyes that held so much depth.

"I just can't believe you're here," she said in what came out as an almost breathless whisper, her heart pounding harder still at the sight of Beca smiling back at her.

But the moment was short lived as Beca gave a little clearing of her throat, her eyes darting off to the side where her parents were still standing. Chloe snapped out of it momentarily, having been consumed in her own little world where only she and Beca existed. She glanced over at her parents, who were staring at them slightly dumbfounded, and plastered a huge smile on her face—though this time, it came without effort.

"I can't believe you guys got me Beca for Christmas," she said, at last stepping away and pulling the brunette behind her.

"It was all her idea, honey," her dad said with a small grin, gesturing towards Beca. Chloe glanced back at her with yet another loving expression, and by the way she looked back at her with her trademark awkward smile, she could tell she wasn't quite sure of how to handle all the attention that was suddenly on her.

"Beca, I'm going to bring your bags up to the guest room for you," Chloe's dad said after a moment, wheeling her suitcase over towards the stairs.

"Oh, Dad, you can just put them in my room. For now," she tacked on with a smile upon the looks of confusion from her parents. "We're just going to hang out for a bit, so…I want Becs to be comfortable."

"Well, okay then," he shrugged as he picked up Beca's suitcase and began carrying it up the stairs.

"Keep the door open, will you?" Cheryl said, sparing Chloe a suspicious glance as she rounded the corner towards the kitchen. "It's great to see you again, Beca!"

"Mom!" Chloe exclaimed, her eyes widening in horror.

"What? Don't think you can pull the wool over my eyes, Chloe Beale!" she called from the other room. "This is a liberal household!"

"Mom, oh my god," Chloe face-palmed in a hushed whisper, more to herself than anyone, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. When she glanced up through her fingers, Beca looked just as bewildered, but more adorable than anything else with her cheeks tinged pink.

"Have fun, you two," her dad added in as he came down the stairs, tossing them some finger guns as he went to join her mother. Chloe groaned, her face back in her hand.

"Well that was…something," Beca said, glancing after them with a perplexed look on her face. Looking up at her, Chloe couldn't help but giggle in spite of herself.

"C'mon," she said, taking her by her hand and dragging her up the stairs to her bedroom. "Just ignore them."

"So this is my room," Chloe announced as she led them inside, fixing up her tousled comforter and flopping down on the corner of her bed.

"It's kind of like a time capsule," Beca said, chuckling at posters of Katy Perry's _Teenage Dream_ and Lady Gaga's _The Fame Monster_.

"I swear, I've barely changed anything since my senior year of high school," Chloe said, grinning slightly as she watched Beca take in the spacious white-and-blue room. It was bizarre, to say the least, seeing her standing in her childhood home. Beca caught her staring, and arched a curious brow in her direction.

"What's that look for?"

"What do you mean, 'what's that look for'?" Chloe grinned, pushing herself up onto her elbows. "You just showed up here completely out of nowhere and I'm still trying to process it."

The corners of Beca's mouth turned up into a small smile. She walked over to her bed, gesturing for Chloe to shove over.

"I was supposed to fly in tomorrow," she said as she sat down beside her, "You know, give your parents a bit of a break from the whole holiday thing. But after we talked last night, I called your dad later on asked him if they'd mind if I booked an earlier flight. He said he'd be happy to pick me up, and so here I am."

Chloe softened, feeling her insides turning to mush as she took in what Beca had just told her.

"You talked to my parents to plan this whole thing?"

"Well I had to get their permission somehow, didn't I?"

Chloe felt her eyes well up, this time out of happiness as she threw her arms around Beca, at a loss for words.

"I can't believe you did this for me," she murmured into her shoulder, her emotions overwhelming her. "I can't believe you're actually here."

Beca hugged her back, almost without hesitation, and wrapped her arms around her more securely. This was new, but Chloe welcomed it without question.

"I'm here, Chlo," Beca told her, brushing a hand through her hair. "Aca-believe it."

It was silent for a split second before Chloe bursting out laughing.

"You did _not_ just say…" she trailed off, looking up at Beca in astonishment as she held back more giggles. "Somebody pinch me. Ow!"

"I told you. Aca- _believe_ it," Beca just grinned as Chloe laughed hysterically into her shoulder, rubbing her arm where she had pinched her.

"But, seriously," Beca continued as Chloe's giggles dissolved, "I was supposed to be here just for New Year's, but after what happened, I couldn't let your Christmas end like that. Even though I'm a day late."

Chloe pulled away to look back up at her, staring into her endless eyes. She felt like Beca ought to pinch her one more time for good measure—she couldn't believe how she'd gotten so lucky.

"You're staying for New Year's?"

"You bet," Beca told her with a smile. "I took a big chunk of winter vacation."

Chloe let out something of a little squeal and threw her arms one more time around Beca, who once again didn't protest. She felt giddy just holding her, nearly unable to contain her excitement.

"I still just can't believe that you're here."

Beca leaned back with a chuckle.

"Do I need to pinch you again?"

Chloe grinned and let her gaze rake over her features all over again, taking her all in and saving each little detail for later. Although once upon a time they had seen each other every day in person, it was somewhat surreal now to think that the person she texted and talked to every day on the phone was suddenly sitting right in front of her.

"I think I'm just going to need to stare at you for a while longer," Chloe said, a small smile upon her lips as she tucked a strand of hair behind Beca's ear.

Oddly enough once again, Beca still didn't protest.

"Take all the time you need," she said, returning her smile.

Chloe hardly had the mental capacity to consider how unlike Beca this was once she found herself entrapped by her gaze, those deep blues effectively mesmerizing her. Even without a stitch of makeup she was still perfect, her skin flawless ivory, cheeks still a bit rosy from the cold and her almost pin-straight brown hair tucked behind her ears, not to mention her adorable half-smile. She found herself more entranced the longer she sat there, her mind and eyes wandering as Beca's stare cut into her, reaching places she hadn't expected it to.

Chloe cleared her throat and sat up straighter, tearing her gaze away and snapping them both back into reality. She smiled at Beca as if nothing had happened.

"Let me just go get dressed, and then we can see about having some breakfast. Are you hungry?"

Chloe made them pancakes, eggs and coffee for breakfast, chatting Beca's ear off the whole time. Then she gave her a tour of her house and they spent the rest of the day just lounging around, relaxing and enjoying each other's company. They watched TV with her parents for a while, and the whole time Chloe found herself trying her best not to cuddle Beca too much on the couch. It was hard when all she wanted was to be close to her, after being so far away for what felt like such a long time. Giving personal space had never been her forte.

Later on, after they'd eaten dinner, they sat on the couch in Chloe's living room, both wearing PJs, the Christmas tree aglow and the fireplace on. It may not have been Christmas, but the ambiance was just right as Chloe poured them glasses of red wine, handing one to Beca.

"I feel so adult-like," Beca smirked as she took a sip.

"It's weird, right?" Chloe agreed as she crossed her legs on the couch. While they had technically been adults for their whole friendship, Chloe associated Beca with college, and college was associated with many, many examples of juvenile behaviour.

"I realized earlier that we're actually, like…alone. It's just the two of us here without any other Bellas."

Chloe smirked. She had come to realize it as well.

"How do you feel about that?"

"Well, it's…quiet," Beca said, making them both laugh, "But it's nice. I mean, of course we love the other girls. But we'll be able to spend some quality time together."

Chloe smiled, fiddling with the stem of her wine glass.

"Yeah, I mean I know I _said_ at the retreat that we were going to discover everything about each other, but…that didn't really end up happening."

Beca snorted.

"Yeah, what _did_ you mean by that, anyway?"

"Oh, uh, it's not that important," Chloe said quickly, her cheeks reddening, though she would blame it on the wine as she busied herself with taking a sip. "So, how about that present?"

Beca reached to the floor beside her and Chloe set her wine glass on the table, bouncing forward excitedly.

"Here," she said, thrusting a square box wrapped in glittery dark blue paper and silver ribbon into her hands. Chloe let out a little squeal, excitedly undoing the ribbon.

She felt Beca watching her carefully as she opened the lid and found a bunch of light blue tissue paper. As she moved it aside, she pulled out a similarly coloured gift bag and let out a shriek when she saw the lettering.

"Oh my gosh! Beca!" she gasped, opening the bag. Sure enough, inside there was more tissue and an even smaller box, this time in Tiffany blue with white ribbon. She screamed again, making Beca's eyebrows rise with a slight grin.

"Jeez, Chlo, you haven't even opened it yet," she said, coolly as ever.

Chloe's eyes were as wide as saucers, too stunned for words as she carefully undid the white ribbon and opened the box. Inside there was a black velvet case. Almost dizzy with anticipation, she opened it, holding her breath. Right away it left her with a soft gasp. Inside was a necklace—a silver chain and pendant, holding a round blue gemstone.

"Oh, Beca," she whispered, feeling emotion thickening in her throat.

"It's aquamarine," Beca told her, a small smile on her lips, "I thought it would match your eyes."

Chloe looked up at her, her eyes wide and her bottom lip jutting out as she set the necklace and the box aside and threw her arms around Beca.

"I love it," she murmured, nestling her face in the crook of her neck as Beca set her hands on her waist. "It's beautiful and I love it. Thank you, Becs."

"You know there's still one more thing in there," Beca said as Chloe pulled away, an amused smirk on her face.

"You—what? Seriously?!" Chloe gasped again, sitting back and grabbing the gift bag. Sure enough, inside was a plain white envelope, left unsealed.

"You're too much, you know," she said, shaking her head at her. She pulled out two ticket stubs and read them aloud, "'The 26th Annual New Year's Eve Black-Tie Gala at the Sentinel Hotel'? Beca!"

"What?" Beca grinned as Chloe just gaped at her.

"We're going to a _black-tie_ gala?!"

"If you'll be my date, then yes," Beca said, already laughing as Chloe tackled her once again.

"Of course I'll be your date!" she exclaimed, arms around her again as she turned to look at her. "Although I'm not sure if I have anything nice enough to wear."

"Well, you have your new necklace," Beca said, "We'll just have to find you a dress."

Chloe looked at her, incredulous as she let out another squeal and squeezed Beca close.

"What on earth have I done to deserve being this spoiled?" she asked, sitting back with her arms still around her.

"You didn't have to do anything," Beca said with a smile, "But you worked really hard this semester, so I thought I would get you something nice."

Chloe beamed, her eyes misty.

"You didn't even have to get me anything," she told her, staring into her eyes. "Just having you here is the best present I could have ever hoped to get."

Beca just smiled at her in return, gently rubbing her thigh to show that she cared.

Choked up all over again, Chloe turned and picked up her own box, which was rectangular and wrapped in shiny red paper and a gold bow.

"Well, luckily I got your present already," she said, sniffling a bit as she handed it to her. "I was going to mail it. It's not exactly a Tiffany necklace, but…hopefully you'll like it."

"I'm sure I will," Beca said, arching a brow as she lifted off the box lid. Chloe watched as she moved around the tissue paper, taking out the first item. She turned over the box in her hands, reading what it was.

"A pocket DJ mixer?"

"Yeah," Chloe said, pointing at the package to the picture of the little black box with golden knobs. "You can plug your phone into it and mix on the go. You know, like, whenever inspiration hits."

"That's actually super cool, Chlo," Beca said, smiling to Chloe's relief. "I will definitely use this, thank you."

"And there's actually one other thing," Chloe said, tapping the edge of the box with a grin. Shooting her a smirk, Beca rifled through the rest of the tissue paper and produced a much smaller, rectangular second item. She peered at the packaging, looking confused yet intrigued.

"What is this?"

"Open it," Chloe urged her, bouncing up and down again with an excited grin.

Beca opened the folded-over card stock on the front. It was a tiny cardboard box, no bigger than a credit card, printed to look like a tape on the front. She watched Beca's face as she put the pieces together.

"Oh my god," she grinned, looking up, "You made me a mixtape?"

"Yeah," Chloe grinned back, nodding. On the inside she had written in looping, colourful script, 'Merry Christmas Beca! Love, Chloe', and then in smaller letters, 'p.s. It isn't just Christmas music, so you have to listen to it'. In the place of an actual tape was a USB stick.

"What songs are on it?" Beca asked curiously, noting the absence of a tracklist.

"You'll have to listen to find out," Chloe said with a triumphant smile.

"Well, then I'll be looking forward to it," Beca countered, returning it. "Thanks for the cool presents, nerd."

"You're welcome," Chloe beamed, reaching out for one more hug. To her sheer happiness, Beca wrapped her in her arms and hugged her back.

* * *

A couple hours later found them still on the couch, though this time the lights were dimmed and they were curled up under a blanket watching a movie, having long ago finished their wine. Of course Beca still hated movies and probably always would, but she decided to tolerate one when Chloe begged her to watch _The Holiday_ which was playing on TV. It was nothing special, just like any other Christmas-themed chick flick that existed, though she supposed it was kind of cute, if not just to make Chloe happy.

As the credits rolled, Beca realized that said redhead had fallen asleep on her shoulder. As she peered down at her, Beca almost didn't want to move her—she looked so peaceful, snuggled up beside her in her slumber.

"Chlo," she said gently, moving her arm that was around her waist. Chloe stirred, slowly cracking her eyes open as she sat up.

"Huh?" she rubbed at her face, yawning. "What happened?"

"You fell asleep," Beca told her, unable to help but grin at her slightly tousled hair and sleep-riddled features.

"Oh," Chloe said a bit sheepishly, and Beca could have sworn she saw her blush. "Sorry."

"It's okay," she said, putting a hand on the small of her back. Under the blanket and beneath the soft lights of the Christmas tree, they were cozy. Beca felt warm, her skin naturally flushed. For a fleeting moment, all she wanted was to pull Chloe back to her, sink into the couch together and fall asleep there.

But the moment was quickly over as Chloe stood up and stretched, bending down to collect their wine glasses.

"I'm gonna go put these in the kitchen," she said, grabbing the bottle in her other hand and strolling off.

With a sigh, Beca got up herself and folded the blanket over the side of the couch. She put their presents back in their respective boxes, handing Chloe's back to her when she came back and they padded up the stairs together.

Once in her room, Chloe flopped down on the edge of her bed. Beca felt eyes on her as she got out her laptop and headphones from her backpack, slipping the mixtape into her pocket.

"Well I was going to um, go head into the guest room," she said as she stood up, pointing a thumb in the direction of the hall. She was only met by a blank gaze from Chloe, bright blue eyes boring into hers.

"You could stay in here, if you'd like," she offered casually, shrugging her shoulders forward.

Beca arched an eyebrow, feeling herself hesitating. She had been expecting this, and at the same time, she hadn't been.

"Do you want me to?"

Chloe hardly waited half a second before nodding yes. Beca just smiled as she headed over to the bed, and Chloe got under the covers with a big grin.

"As long as you don't mind me working for a bit," Beca said, gesturing to her laptop.

Chloe shook her head.

"I don't mind," she said, looking up at her from her pillow as Beca climbed in beside her. "You've been far away for so long. I don't want you to be any farther than you have to be."

Beca smiled down at her as she settled in and set her laptop on her lap. She supposed she had a point.

Chloe watched her for a bit as she went through her email, though Beca could tell she was getting sleepy again, her eyes starting to droop closed. Beca was surprised she wasn't more tired herself after the long day she'd had, though her own curiosity was the main thing keeping her wide awake at that moment.

Once Chloe had dozed off and Beca was sure she was fast asleep, she got out the mixtape and popped the USB into a port. Plugging her headphones in, she lifted them to her ears and scanned the screen as the tracklist popped up. Unsurprisingly it was mostly pop, with a bit of R&B mixed in here and there. She pressed play on the first track, 'Good as Hell'.

Next was 'Titanium'— _Of course_ , Beca thought to herself with an eye roll and smirk as the familiar guitar riffs filled her ears. Laden between bubbly Top 40 songs and a disproportionate amount of Ariana Grande, one of Chloe's latest obsessions, were 'Cake by the Ocean' and 'Cheap Thrills', bringing back fond memories from the USO tour.

As she continued down the list, certain songs seemed to stand out to her, but for what reason Beca couldn't be sure. There was a fairly even mix between generic pop anthems, slower R&B, and more personal songs with intimate lyrics. Just when she was about to start questioning things, the vibe of the playlist would change. Beca knew Chloe, and she knew that nothing she did was ever unintentional. But at the same time, she didn't want to be the one jumping to conclusions when she had no reason to.

But it only got more and more questionable as it went on, in increments. First there was Summer Walker crooning on 'CPR':

" _Baby where would I be without your love beside me? Baby where would I be? … I hate feeling alone, hate feeling alone. Need you here at home, you're the only one who knows_ …"

Then there was the sexy remix of 'Into You' featuring Mac Miller, which spoke for itself, and so did several songs after it. Beca's eyes widened at the lyrics of Ariana's 'make up' and she found herself blushing, even though she and Chloe had never done any sort of 'making up', so to speak.

'Moonlight' was the next song that gave her pause, the lyrics of the dreamy ballad eerily reminding her of just hours earlier when they had watched a movie in each other's arms. 'Boyfriend', which came after it, didn't do much more to calm her nerves.

" _I know we be so complicated_

 _But we be so smitten, it's crazy_

 _I can't have what I want, and neither can you_

 _You ain't my boyfriend_

 _And I ain't your girlfriend_

 _But you don't want me to see nobody else_

 _And I don't want you to see nobody_ "

Beca's stomach twisted as she was brought back to a moment in an Atlanta hotel room where she and Chloe had asked each other if they'd been seeing anybody, remembering all too well the slight twinge of relief when Chloe said no. By the time she got to the sultry 'Good for You' by Selena Gomez, Beca's head was swimming and all she could manage to do was chalk it up to being another Top 40 hit.

'Toxic' ironically relieved her of some of her stress, remembering how they had all almost died on the back of Fat Amy's mastermind father's yacht somewhere off the French coast—but it soon returned once she heard more and more affectionate lyrics. She tried to think rationally, that maybe she was overreacting, or overthinking it all. But the fact of the matter was that Chloe had put these songs together specially for her. What else was she supposed to make out of it?

The first and only country song on the list, 'Dancin' Away With My Heart' by Lady Antebellum, only compounded the suspicions she already felt.

" _I brushed your curls back so I could see your eyes_

 _And the way you moved me_

 _It was like you were reading my mind_

 _I can still feel you lean in to kiss me_

 _I can't help but wonder, if you ever miss me_

 _I haven't seen you in ages_

 _Sometimes I find myself wondering where you are_

 _For me you'll always be eighteen, and beautiful_

 _And dancin' away with my heart_

 _You headed off to college at the end of that summer_

 _And we lost touch_

 _I guess I didn't realize even at the moment I lost so much_ "

For the first time, Beca felt herself getting choked up as the lyrics hit her in a powerful way. Although the chain of events was opposite for them, she couldn't help but think about the slow dance they'd shared at Cynthia Rose's wedding, where she'd thought about how much she'd missed Chloe and wondered if she felt the same way. Now she found herself wondering if Chloe had put this song on the mixtape because it was how she really felt.

While she'd held her tears at bay before, Mariah Carey's powerful ballad 'My All' made them fall, trickling slowly down her cheeks. She drew her knees up to her chest as she glanced at Chloe's sleeping form. This felt like a dream, one that was somewhere between wonderful and scary—but the truth was, Beca was downright terrified. Of her feelings, she always had been.

Finally, a song called 'Too Close' seemed to ring true for Beca:

" _You know what I want, I know what you don't_

 _I should be the one you love on_

 _Boy, you got my mind playing truth or dare_

 _Daring me to kiss you right here_

 _But we've been friends so long_

 _And it seems so wrong_

 _And everyone can see you're perfect for me_

 _But I just can't let it show_

 _I've been thinking about you_

 _Boy, it's killing me and I got to let you know_

 _Baby, tell me, do you feel it like I do?_

 _'Cause we both know what could go down if we get too close_ "

It summed up just about exactly how she felt at that moment. In some ways, a lot of ways, they just made sense. But at the same time, they'd been friends for so long that it felt weird to think about. Beca had already had her moment of almost facing it, and it had ended terribly. Even still, she couldn't stop herself from wondering about Chloe, practically all the time, wanting to read her mind and going back and forth between ignoring her feelings and dealing with them because she had no idea how Chloe really felt. As of lately, the lines felt more and more blurry because they kept getting closer…and Beca knew, and was somewhat scared of, what could happen if they were left alone.

There was only one Christmas song on the whole tape, and it was the very last: 'Wit It This Christmas'.

" _Come and kiss me, baby_

 _We don't need no mistletoe_

 _We don't need no fireplace_

 _Boy, I'll keep you nice and warm_

 _Are you down for some of these milk and cookies?_

 _Down for loving, you'll be my drummer boy_

 _And I'm the only drum that you're gonna play_

' _Tis the season for some love giving_

 _So I think you should give your love to me_

 _Baby, let me know_

 _Are you wit it, are you wit it_

 _Are you wit it this Christmas?_ "

Beca blinked, her mouth having suddenly gone dry. It had taken her a moment, but she realized that Chloe had made this playlist before she'd even known that Beca would be there. It caused the wheels in her head to turn in a way that hardly made things any less confusing. Was Chloe propositioning her with this song, this whole mixtape? It was her Christmas present, after all…And if the lyrics were any sort of hint, she was pretty sure she knew the answer.

She glanced at the time—it was close to 1 a.m.

"Shit," Beca muttered under her breath, slamming her laptop closed and putting it on the nightstand. She took the USB stick and put it back in the tape box, hiding it beneath her headphones.

She turned over next to Chloe, pulling up the blankets and settling herself against the pillows. Her queen bed may have been comfy, but sleep would be the absolute last thing on her mind that night.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** Hi guys! I swear that was like the longest two weeks ever. This chapter took me a while cuz I kind of lost some inspiration and I also had to do a shit ton of research. I now know more about Portland than I ever wanted to.

A couple things about this chapter - I want to give a shoutout to my girlfriend, Maddy. If anyone remembers from the beginning, we came up with this story together and she's written in some of the chapters. I've written the last three but it would have taken me so much longer if I didn't have her to bounce ideas and questions off of and demand so much detailed feedback from. Plus, she's given a lot of the great ideas in this fic so, y'all should appreciate her cuz I know I do! 💕

This was kind of a bitch to write as stated earlier and I thought it was going to be super boring but I'm actually really happy with how it turned out. Also, it's the longest chapter yet with 7,600 words! As always THANK YOU so much for your continued support. Reading your comments always makes my day. I hope you guys enjoy this and feel free to let me know what you think. ❤️

* * *

 **December 27, 2020**

10:11 a.m. PST

Portland, OR

* * *

"Wakey, wakey…"

"Hmm?" Beca hummed as she came to, slowly cracking an eye open. All she could see were two magnificent blue eyes peering down at her, until she opened the other and saw the rest of Chloe's face come into view. "Oh, hey."

"Sorry," Chloe said, sitting back on her heels as Beca propped herself up on her elbows, "I didn't want to wake you but I didn't want you to sleep too long. Did you go to bed late?"

"Yeah, a little bit," Beca said, feeling sheepish as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

"You work too hard, Becs," Chloe said, giving her an almost chastising look, her hands on her hips. "You're supposed to be on vacation!"

"Don't worry, it wasn't really anything that serious," Beca said with a slight smirk, finding it both amusing and adorable how much Chloe seemed to care. As she took her in, she felt the strangest twinge of both admiration and jealousy. How was it possible for someone to look so effortlessly good right after waking up? Chloe somehow managed to look like she got nine hours of sleep every day, her skin always rejuvenated and her eyes always shining bright. Today she looked cozy in her plaid button-up pajamas, her red hair tied back into a bun, a few loose curls tucked neatly behind her ears.

As for herself, Beca was surprised she'd been able to sleep fairly well once she'd passed out, with the thoughts of the day no longer plaguing her. Now those thoughts came rushing back to her, and suddenly she remembered why she had been so worried about getting sleep that night.

She felt her stomach churn as she stared off into space. The burden of what she now knew already felt like too much.

"Beca? Earth to Becs. Hellooo…"

"Huh? Oh, sorry," Beca said, snapping up towards her and feeling her cheeks colour. "I zoned out."

"I can see that," Chloe said with a smirk. "I was saying we should get dressed. Mom made breakfast today."

* * *

Beca lay flopped down against the bed while Chloe showered, hazy thoughts buzzing all around her mind. She couldn't bear to tell Chloe that she'd listened to the tape already, at least not until she figured out what to do with this information. Even though she didn't actually have any _real_ information to begin with.

She pinched the bridge of her nose, mentally cursing herself for how little sense she was making. Beca had always been a rational person, and dealing with emotions was anything but. She didn't know where to start. Could Chloe actually have feelings for her? Could that explain why she was the way she was with her—touchy, affectionate, staring into her eyes like nothing else mattered? Or was that just Chloe being Chloe? And, more importantly and much more daunting, _if_ the case was that she did have feelings for her, what would Beca do about that? How would she feel about it?

The thought made all her brain processes freeze and she gulped, blinking blankly at the ceiling as she fiddled aimlessly with a strand of her hair, something she didn't do unless she was deep in thought or very distracted by something. She groaned in frustration, throwing her hands down on the comforter before bringing them back up to rub circles against her temples and forehead, pushing her hair back.

She wanted more than anything to just let things be. Stay friends with Chloe like she always had been, implications or not. It had become easier to just be her friend again, after two years of time and space had separated them, even though it always seemed to feel like something was in the air between them. She didn't know why this hypothetical situation made her want to run. After all, she was lucky that Chloe Beale even gave her the time of day. But the truth was, she was scared. As easy as it was to fall in love, it was twice as easy to get your heart broken.

When she thought about it, she knew Chloe would never do anything to intentionally hurt her. But Beca cared about her so much that she was afraid of things changing between them, of the chance of losing her, or worse, ruining it for herself. Sometimes it was easier just to keep yourself at an arm's length away than to play with fire and get burned.

More than anything, Beca just wanted to see Chloe happy, regardless of who she was with. If another person were to come along, sure, it might hurt her a little. But she just wanted the best for her.

And besides, they already did make each other happy. Why ruin a perfectly good thing?

Just then Chloe emerged from the bathroom, nearly making Beca jump, a small cloud of steam escaping behind her. She strolled over to the dresser wearing a tiny white towel that scarcely covered everything it needed to and pulled off the one that was holding her hair, shaking her damp locks out over her shoulders.

"Your turn, Becs," she grinned at her as she started patting her ends dry. Beca swallowed hard, trying not to stare as her eyes darted to the sight of her bare thighs.

Maybe she was hopeless after all.

* * *

Beca walked out of the bathroom half an hour later, showered, dressed and hair blow-dried, the whole time she'd spent trying not to focus on the mental image of Chloe in her towel that was now imprinted in her mind. It kept leading back to another, highly inappropriate thought, a more distant memory but just as vivid nonetheless, of Chloe in a shower stall wearing much less than that. Beca wanted to scold herself for thinking about it, and even more so for blushing.

"Hey, Becs?" Chloe called as Beca was putting away her pajamas, "Can you help me put this on?"

Beca went over to where Chloe stood at her vanity. She held out the velvet box, open to reveal the necklace with an eager smile. Beca just grinned and picked up the silver chain as Chloe turned and lifted her hair. She slid it around her neck and fastened the clasp, stepping back to see how it looked in the mirror. Chloe smiled to herself, running a finger along the chain as they both admired the light blue gem.

"It does match your eyes," Beca said after a moment, making Chloe's expression brighten as she met her gaze through the mirror. She turned to face her, and Beca realized how close they were standing when she found herself staring back into those gorgeous hues of blue.

She felt her stomach lurch as Chloe took a step closer and wrapped her arms around her neck. She didn't know what was happening, but it was becoming more difficult for her to focus with the way Chloe was starting to run her fingers up and down the back of her neck, studying her with an indecipherable expression on her face. Beca stared back, wondering what was on her mind. She wasn't one to be afraid of a little eye contact, but the way Chloe seemed to be sizing her up was making her more and more nervous.

"I'm really glad you're here," she said after a moment, looking at her with that familiar sparkle in her eyes. She had that same gentle, muted expression on her face that Beca recognized from whenever she was absorbed in thought about something, or just daydreaming, which was often the case.

"So am I," Beca said carefully, her gaze raking over her face. Chloe took another step closer, setting her body on even higher alert. She tried not to react, but when she tried to swallow, her mouth had gone dry. Chloe was staring at her with a peacefulness that implied she would be content to just look at her forever. It was as if there were some sort of answers written across her face, though Beca didn't know what she could possibly find so enlightening. But with the way Chloe was smiling at that moment, she really didn't mind.

Chloe inched closer still, and with the way her gaze flitted to her lips, Beca was prepared to brace herself for something unexpected. But instead Chloe leaned to her left side, making her breath catch in her throat as she pressed her lips to her cheek. Beca's hands tensed around her waist as Chloe's fingers grazed her jaw line, fitting themselves at the nape of her neck. She lingered there, just long enough to make Beca's stomach do somersaults. By the time she pulled away, her face felt like it had turned sixty shades of scarlet.

"Thank you again for the necklace. I'm never taking it off," she said with a serene smile before brushing past her to go sit on the edge of her bed. "So, what should we do today?"

Beca bit her lip, her eyes fluttering shut for a moment as she let out a quick exhale through her nose, attempting to calm herself before turning back around to face her.

"Uh," she stammered, still feeling flushed as she tucked her hair behind her ear and took her phone from her back pocket, "Well, I wrote down a couple of things to do in Portland that I thought could be interesting."

She sat next to Chloe and pulled up the notes app on her phone, revealing a bullet-point list neatly organized into categories, complete with hyperlinks.

"There's actually kind of a lot. There's the more touristy stuff," she said, scrolling through that category, "Hipster-y stuff, places to eat, live music, underground Portland stuff, places out of town, sooo many distilleries and breweries, the food cart scene, and like, a billion different parks, to name a few. But, you're the local here, so I don't really know what's good."

Beca looked up to see Chloe looking back at her with a small smile on her lips.

"Oh, Becs," she said, glancing admirably between her and the list, "Your Virgo is showing."

"My what?" Beca wrinkled her nose.

"Nothing," she grinned, shaking her head as she got up from the bed and took her hand. "C'mon, we can decide later. Let's go eat."

* * *

The girls trudged downstairs and to the kitchen table where Chloe's parents were sitting. Her mother was reading the paper while her dad did the weekly crossword—their Sunday morning ritual, according to Chloe.

"Good morning, ladies," Cheryl looked up with a smile as they approached, pushing her reading glasses back into her hair. "Chlo, I left your food in the oven to keep warm. There's also some fresh orange juice in the fridge if you guys want."

They served themselves plates of French toast, fruit salad and sausages, both grabbing juice and mugs of coffee and joined her parents at the table.

"Thanks so much for breakfast, Mom," Chloe grinned, cutting into her syrup-doused French toast.

"Yeah, thank you, Mrs. Beale," Beca chimed in, trying her best to sound appreciative, "This is really good."

"Oh, you're so welcome. I figured, it's our last brunch before we go back to work tomorrow morning, so might as well make it nice," Cheryl said, folding her paper and taking a glance at them, her eyes coming to linger on her daughter. "That's a nice necklace, Chloe."

"Thanks," Chloe said, smiling as she ran her finger along the chain, flaunting it. "Beca got it for me. It's from Tiffany's."

"Oh?" Cheryl said, her eyebrows rising, a tone of curiosity in her voice as she looked between the two of them. "That's very nice. I didn't know you had that kind of money, Beca."

"Mom!" Chloe scolded, her eyes wide.

"No, I mean, it's okay—I don't really," Beca stammered, feeling her cheeks heating up again. "It's just that I work so much and I don't really do much else, so…I've been able to save up quite a bit."

"Well, good for you," Cheryl nodded, looking impressed. "It's nice that you would spend some of it on Chloe."

" _Mom_ ," Chloe glared, more serious this time, gripping her knife and fork in each hand.

"What? I said it's nice," she said, shrugging.

Chloe scoffed and rolled her eyes, stabbing harder than necessary at a piece of cantaloupe. Beca ducked her eyes down, deciding to concentrate on her plate in light of the marked tension across the table. Chloe had never talked much about her family back at Barden, and now she was starting to understand why.

"So, what are you two planning on doing today?" Cheryl asked after a few moments, seeming to be unaffected by Chloe's hostility.

"We're probably going to go downtown," Chloe replied without looking up, picking at her fruit salad. "There's a bunch of stuff that Beca wants to check out."

"Well have fun, and be safe," Cheryl said, getting up and pressing a kiss to Chloe's head on her way into the kitchen. "And don't stay out too late."

"Yes, Mom," Chloe rolled her eyes.

Beca continued to eat in silence, sparing a glance up at Chloe, unable to help but smile a bit. To her relief, she smiled back.

* * *

Ten minutes later, they were walking out to Chloe's car in the driveway. Pretty much all traces of snow from the past few days had melted, and the weather was back to its usual mild winter temperature. The sky was overcast but not gloomy, still bright enough that they wouldn't be deterred from exploring the city that day.

"I'm sorry about my mom," Chloe grumbled as they got into the car, seeming distressed as she sank into her seat with an air of frustration. "I swear it's like, her end goal to make everyone as uncomfortable as possible."

"Isn't that like every parent, though?" Beca asked, raising a brow.

"Well, yeah, but I figured she'd just try to embarrass _me_. I didn't realize she'd put you on the spot like that," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "I'm sorry, Becs. I know how you hate it when people do that."

"Hey, it's okay," Beca said, assuring her. "It's not your fault, you don't have to apologize. Parents are the worst sometimes."

Chloe sighed again, putting her face in her hands with her elbows against the steering wheel. Beca watched in mild confusion, having never seen this side of her that was so much like…herself.

"I could use a Xanax right now," she muttered under her breath, sitting back in her seat as Beca choked out a surprised laugh. "So where are we going?"

"I don't know," Beca shrugged. "I thought you had somewhere in mind since we came out to your car."

"Oh, no, I just really needed to get out of the house," Chloe said with a weary smile. "So, where to?"

"Uh. Well," Beca hesitated before reaching into her bag, "I have a map and some travel guides—"

"Oh, Becs," she whispered as Beca unfolded the map.

"—and I marked down a bunch of the places I thought we might be interested in."

"My love," Chloe said, putting a hand on her knee, "That's what we have GPS for."

Beca looked up to see that she was now gazing at her with a look of pitying endearment. She glanced at her hand, wrinkled her nose in slight confusion, then looked back to her.

"But this saves so much time," she insisted, pointing to the different markings on the map. "I colour-coded them by category, so we can see where everything is in relation to each other without having to look things up individually and waste precious data. Plus, we can make a route of places before using the GPS to give us directions."

Chloe cocked her head to one side as she squinted at the map, looking more intrigued the longer she stared at it.

"How much time did you spend on this?" she asked, looking up at Beca in wonderment.

"It was nothing, honestly," she shrugged. "I like to be prepared."

"I can see that," Chloe mumbled, eyes raking over the markers.

"So, Portland native," Beca looked her up and down, "What should we do?"

"Uh," Chloe scrunched up her nose, looking between her and the map, "Honestly, I don't know. I mean, I grew up here, but I've spent most of my adult life in Atlanta. I can tell you what we're famous for: roses, which is pointless because it's December; strip clubs, hipsters, and beer. Oh, and we have a really sketchy history. Like, mobsters and stuff."

"Right," Beca said, drawing out the word and thinking idly about how Portland was already one of the most eclectic places she'd ever been to, "I kind of read about that on _Thrillist_."

"Of course you did," Chloe said with a snort. "Well, Washington Park is a huge tourist thing but it's kind of a full-day event. We could just go downtown and walk around but I don't really know a lot of cool attractions these days. My favourite place used to be the science museum."

Beca grinned at the idea of an excited little Chloe being fascinated by science experiments and exhibits, big blue eyes sparkling behind wide panes of glass.

"Okay, then how about this," Beca said, flattening out the map, "We do one of the walking tours downtown, work up an appetite, then grab food and a beer somewhere. Then after that we can figure out something else to do, maybe catch a show or something."

"Okay, yeah," Chloe nodded, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, "That actually sounds pretty good."

Beca looked up and smiled, happy to hear her newfound enthusiasm. Chloe looked back at her, her eyes sparkling, and Beca felt another twinge of relief. After having seen her upset more often than not as of lately, she felt it every time Chloe looked genuinely happy, which was the way it should be. She looked gorgeous today, almost more so than usual, with her bright hair and eyes in even greater contrast than normal against Portland's grey winter backdrop.

Chloe handed her the aux, a necessary and all-too familiar staple of her Bug, and Beca shuffled their playlist as they pulled out of the driveway. She watched Chloe smile as the first song came on. Beca didn't have to guess to know that she already knew it was theirs.

"Have I mentioned that I'm really glad you're here?" she asked as they rounded a corner off of her street and onto a main road.

"Maybe once or twice," Beca bit back a smirk, raising a brow in her direction.

"Well, I am," Chloe said, flashing a grin over her shoulder before looking back out onto the road, "In case you forgot."

They turned another corner and then merged onto the freeway. Beca laughed as Chloe started singing along to her remix of 'I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)' she had made in freshman year, Scottish accent and all, bopping her head as she tapped her fingers along the steering wheel.

Things felt so normal, yet so different at the same time. If Beca were to close her eyes, she could easily believe that they were speeding away from Barden to take a study break in downtown Atlanta, just for a change of scenery. But Barden was thousands of miles away and they'd graduated five years ago. Beca could see the view of downtown Portland coming up in the distance, past the thick of trees surrounding its perimeter.

She was still getting used to it being just her and Chloe. Of course they had hung out on their own before, but it was weird to never have anyone interrupting them or barging in or offering to tag along. Even then, it felt strange that they weren't going to meet up with the Bellas somewhere downtown. Beca couldn't complain, though—she was happy just to be doing something that wasn't working, and she was glad she was getting to spend the day with Chloe.

With a comfortable silence fallen between them, Beca couldn't help but think back to the moment they had shared in her bedroom earlier. Chloe may have already been notorious for violating personal space, but something about this had felt…different. Whether it was Beca's own hammering heart, the fact that she could still feel the ghost of Chloe's lips on her cheek, or something else entirely, she couldn't be sure.

She glanced over at Chloe, who was still tapping out beats on the steering wheel, this time to 'You Rock My World' as she sang the lyrics softly to herself. They had always been close, but ever since the wedding, something had changed. Their friendship had been so in-the-moment at Barden. It was easy to take someone for granted that you saw every day, hung out with whenever you wanted, and didn't have to put work into having a relationship with. Moving away and then losing each other had been a huge reality check—one that Beca couldn't have prepared herself for.

Now they both seemed to appreciate each other so much more. Chloe seldom let a day go by where she didn't make Beca feel sure that she mattered, and Beca showed that she cared by calling or at least texting her every day to see how she was doing. It was things they had never had to do before that strengthened their bond with each other. They'd never needed to make sure the other one felt loved, but now it was almost second nature to them.

But even despite this, they didn't have moments like the one that morning. While Chloe often _was_ flirty and tended to throw her arms around Beca and push other physical boundaries, something about her had been different. Where she would have been squealing and excited before, she'd instead been calm and collected. She had taken her time looking her over, enough that it had given Beca pause. She'd been slow and deliberate with every movement; intimate and almost tender.

Beca didn't want to read too much into it, but there had been a moment where she could have sworn Chloe was about to lean in and kiss her. All flushed cheeks and flirtations aside, that was something Beca in no way would have been equipped to handle.

She swallowed, feeling her complexion redden just at the thought. It wasn't that a kiss would be unwelcome, necessarily…But it was more the question of what would come after that worried her the most.

She looked up at the sound of a quick little gasp from Chloe, who jumped to crank up the volume on the stereo. It only took a moment for Beca to recognize the opening music to 'It's All Coming Back to Me Now', rolling her eyes and stifling a chuckle at how Chloe was mimicking every single sound from the instrumental.

" _There were nights when the wind was so cold_ …"

She sang the first verse, loud and from her chest. She wasn't aiming to impress, but she still sounded amazing. She became louder and more passionate through the bridge, practically throwing her whole body into each note, flailing hand movements and all. Beca remembered the first time she had been a passenger in Chloe's car and recalled having feared somewhat for her life with the way she sang with such fervour while driving. After a few trips arriving unscathed and a great deal of reassurance that she had 'been doing it since high school', she had come to dismiss it as just another Chloe quirk.

She quieted down for the chorus, making Beca roll her eyes again at her melodramatic facial expressions as she sang the lyrics with conviction in her beautiful, lilting falsetto. She grabbed Beca's hand as it ramped back up, jolting her in time with each beat. She used her hand in the place of a microphone as she belted out the second bridge, making a laugh bubble up from Beca's chest. It was only then that she realized she'd already been smiling.

" _Baby, baby…If I kiss you like this, and if you whisper like that, it was lost long ago but it's all coming back to me_ ," she sang, sparing glances at Beca for the next part, " _If you want me like this, and if you need me like that, it was dead long ago but it's all coming back to me_ …"

Chloe focused back at the road and Beca smiled, allowing her hand to stay wrapped in hers as she lowered it against the console. She gave a gentle squeeze, watching with fondness as Chloe continued to sing her heart out. She felt so much and loved so deeply, putting that fierce heart in practically everything she did. It was one of the things Beca loved most about her.

Things may have been different, but they weren't bad. They weren't bad at all.

* * *

"Chlo, come on, help me out here."

"I can see just as much as you can, Bec."

The two of them were wandering down a side street in the middle of downtown, trying to find Chloe's car. The short winter days made eight o'clock feel like the dead of night as Beca clicked the key fob over and over, moving it around in different directions as if her car was going to appear out of thin air. Of course Beca had taken note of the block on which they were parked, but everything seemed to look different at nighttime in a city that was already unfamiliar to her, and Chloe was being little help at all.

After the walking tour they'd headed up to the northeast side of the river to check out a cluster of popular food trucks and what turned out to be a very German beer hall, which gave Chloe what seemed like war flashbacks to Worlds—'You just _really_ have a thing for Germans, don't you?' Then after maybe one too many pints and Chloe purposefully trying to butcher every word on the menu, they explored the neighbourhood around them, ducking into shops and cafes until Chloe dragged her back downtown to check out Powell's City of Books, citing it as her 'other favourite place as a kid'. They spent several hours exploring the impossibly large store, which was the size of an entire street block, perusing its hundreds of shelves.

Beca had tried to 'sober' Chloe up with hot chocolate and dessert at the next door cafe, yet to no avail. She had seen Chloe drunk, in various degrees, many times, and knew that she was more than likely just using alcohol as an excuse to act like a maniac, but to her dismay the extra sugar didn't help her case whatsoever. Beca's buzz had worn off fairly quickly, which was part of the reason why she was in the position she was now, dragging a supposedly inebriated Chloe behind her.

"A-ha! There it is," Beca said with a sigh of relief as she finally saw the car's lights flash in a spot diagonal to where they were standing. They made their way over and Beca unlocked it, helping Chloe into the passenger side. Regardless of her true blood alcohol level, Beca wasn't about to put her behind the wheel of a car. She put the keys in the ignition and turned to Chloe, who was buckling in her seatbelt.

"So you're _sure_ you're not going to sue me in case I crash your car?"

"Don't crash my car and we won't have that problem, Bec," Chloe said, grinning from her seat as Beca rolled her eyes and turned the car on. Regardless of whether she was actually drunk or not, her eyes were bleary though still sparkling, and she was sporting that coy expression on her face that Beca secretly found adorable.

"Right, got it," Beca said with an air of sarcasm as she fastened her own seatbelt. "Are there any weird Portland driving laws I should know about before we embark on this journey?"

"I don't think so," Chloe shrugged. "Watch out for the one-way streets, though."

"Fuck, right. I better turn on the GPS right now, then."

Beca set up her phone in the stand attached to the dashboard and pulled up directions to Chloe's house. But right as she was about to pull out, she heard a small voice speak up beside her.

"Can you put the playlist on?"

Beca looked up to see wide blue eyes staring back up at her, lips jutted out in the most subtle little pout. She couldn't help but laugh.

"Sorry, Chlo. How could I forget," she said, a grin on her lips as she plugged in the aux and hit shuffle. Chloe seemed to relax in the instant the first song came on, letting out a little happy sigh as her eyes fluttered shut. Beca smiled before turning her attention to getting them out of their tight parking space. She had never met someone who loved music as much as Chloe did—aside from, well, herself.

Thanks to the GPS, Beca was able to navigate the streets with ease, and soon enough they were cruising along the interstate with Aerosmith's 'I Don't Want to Miss a Thing' playing in the background.

" _I could stay awake, just to hear you breathing_ … _Watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you're far away and dreaming…"_

Beca felt the muscles in her back constrict as she sat up straighter, her hands gripping the steering wheel a little tighter. She had added all kinds of songs to this playlist, over three hundred to be exact, all either ones she already knew they both loved or ones she thought Chloe would like, too. So she knew, very well, that any song that came up with any sort of romantic implication would be purely coincidence.

She thought back to the mixtape and felt herself gulp. Whereas before she would've listened to this song and paid it no mind, thinking nothing more of it other than it being one of the greatest songs of all time, which it was—now everything had changed. Now hearing such an intimate song in the presence of Chloe somehow made the still air between them feel stifling, and Beca couldn't be sure if she was the only one who could feel it.

Chloe didn't seem to mind, as Beca heard her start singing the chorus, her voice soft.

 _"Don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep 'cause I'd miss you, babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing."  
_  
Beca rolled her lips together, taking a quick glance at Chloe, who was staring out the windshield with a glazed over look in her eyes. She didn't know what it was, maybe her deep love for Aerosmith or maybe that it felt impossible to not want to sing along to this song, but something in her compelled her to join in.

 _"'Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do, I'd still miss you, babe, and I don't want to miss a thing."  
_  
Beca looked back at Chloe to see the happiest smile on her face, her eyes shining, and she couldn't help but smile back, her gaze going soft at the sight of her.

 _"Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating…"  
_  
They'd both gone quiet for this part, and Beca nearly jumped when she felt Chloe's hand nudging hers off the steering wheel, looping it into hers. Beca's heart was pounding now, and not just because she was driving with one hand as Chloe lowered her arm against the console and laced her fingers through hers. She took in a short breath, giving Chloe's hand a little squeeze and brushing her thumb against hers.

 _"And then I kiss your eyes, and thank God we're together…And I just wanna stay with you, in this moment forever…"  
_  
She heard Chloe repeat the chorus and then the bridge, her voice sounding almost quieter than before. Beca hummed along with her, softly singing some of the words. Then halfway through the last chorus, Chloe interrupted herself with a yawn.

"Don't fall asleep, nerd," Beca grinned, tugging on her hand. "We're almost home."

She looked back to see Chloe peeking her eyes open at her, head draped on a lazy angle against her headrest. In spite of her obvious fatigue, she looked happy, a small smile creeping up on her lips as she met Beca's eyes.

 _"I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall asleep 'cause I'd miss you, babe, and I don't wanna miss a thing…"  
_  
She glanced back once more to see that Chloe was looking at her while she was singing the words, and Beca tried with all her might to ignore the fluttery feeling she got in her stomach when she saw the look in her eyes. Her heart pounding again, she grasped Chloe's hand a little firmer, brushing her thumb against her again. It was all she could do, never mind say, when she found herself irrationally worrying about her hand getting all sweaty and grossing her out.

But Chloe didn't seem to mind a single thing, looking calm as ever as she watched Beca drive through hooded eyes, brushing her own thumb against hers. It resulted in the strangest sensation of making Beca feel like she could breathe and couldn't breathe at the same time. But then again, Chloe tended to have that effect on her.

Chloe Beale somehow had a way of making her the biggest dunce ever, making her smile and laugh all the time even when she didn't want to, even when it was the literal opposite of what she wanted to do. Around Chloe she tended to do things she never would have before. Like hold her best friend's hand or sing her a love song or make her heart skip a beat whenever she looked at her. Those were things Beca Mitchell just didn't do, and yet somehow, some way, Chloe brought them out in her when no one else ever could. Just by being her. Because whenever Chloe smiled, you just couldn't help but smile yourself.

And the worst part? Beca didn't even hate it.

Within a few minutes they were pulling into Chloe's driveway, and Beca felt oddly shaken up as she geared the car into park. Maybe it was the fact that every time she looked at Chloe she felt her heart beat faster and her palms get sweaty, and it didn't help that they were about to be free from the confines of her car.

They went inside and up to her room, and Chloe dashed into the bathroom. She returned just minutes later already wearing pajamas and looking ready for bed.

"Are we going to bed already?" Beca asked, arching a brow.

"Not if you don't want to," Chloe said cheerily, bouncing by her and onto the bed, crossing her legs. "Go get comfy, I'll be here."

Beca shot her a questioning glance before gathering her own pajamas and going to change. With Chloe you either knew exactly what she was thinking or had no idea whatsoever. There was no in between.

She returned a few minutes later wearing her own flannels and joined Chloe on the bed, sitting cross-legged opposite her.

"Okay. Now what," she asked, feeling like she was nine years old again at a slumber party.

"Now, Becs," Chloe said slowly, making Beca raise a suspicious brow as she took her hands in hers, "We have to rest, because tomorrow we're getting up early to go hike the Columbia River Gorge."

Beca's jaw went slack, her eyebrows shooting up as she tilted her head to one side, as if it would help her hear the words better.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"We're going hiking. Tomorrow. At the Columbia River Gorge," Chloe repeated, a hopeful look in her eyes.

Beca gave a dry little laugh.

"It's funny, 'cause I'm hearing your words but they're not making any sense to me."

Chloe made a noise of protest, swinging Beca's hands in hers.

"But _Becs_ ," she whined, pouting at her, "You can't come to Portland and not visit the gorge. It's a must."

"Hey, I never said we couldn't visit. We can totally drive by…"

"We're not going to do anything crazy. I know exactly where to go, we'll just do a few easy trails and that's it. Tourists do this all the time, Bec."

"I'm sure it's easy for the average person, Chlo, which I am not. My body wasn't made for hiking."

"I know, I know," Chloe said with a sigh and dramatic roll of her eyes. "Your twiggy little legs 'just can't handle it' or whatever."

Beca's mouth fell open with a gasp.

"My _what_?!"

Chloe pressed her lips together with an air of righteousness, clearly trying to suppress a laugh.

"You heard me. Your ol' pasty ass can't stand being anywhere near the sun."

Beca's mouth flopped open again with her next gasp, and Chloe could hardly contain the giggle that was threatening to escape her.

"Well you better watch out, Beale. 'Cause my 'ol' pasty ass' is about to kick yours."

Chloe let out a squeal as Beca attempted to tackle her, rolling over into a fetal position so she couldn't get to her. She tried to fight her off, laughing the whole time while Beca tried to turn her over and peel her limbs apart. She kicked her knees up but eventually Beca got ahold of her wrists and pinned them down on either side of her head. Still, Chloe thrashed, but amidst many protests, Beca found a way to swing her legs over hers and sat across her hips.

It shut her up in almost an instant, and she let out a little yelp as she looked up at Beca with wide eyes. Beca bit her lip back, looking back down at her as she caught her breath, still chuckling to herself in spite of it all. They were both panting, both a little winded from the impromptu struggle. She didn't know what she'd been going for when she'd decided to tackle Chloe, but somehow she hadn't expected them to have ended up in such a position.

"Not so bad for my twiggy little legs, huh?" Beca couldn't help but ask, a vengeful smirk edging across her lips.

"Yeah, not bad. Not bad at all," Chloe said, a little breathless, a slight shade of pink colouring her features as her eyes raked across her face. "I like this side of you, Bec. Can we do this more often?"

Beca bit back her grin, feeling herself tense as her stomach did somersaults and a shiver tore down her spine. She didn't know whether it was the look in her eyes that she couldn't place or the way Chloe was biting her lip that made something sink deep to the pit of Beca's stomach and settle between her thighs.

"That depends. If you're going to start getting mouthy all the time, then maybe we might have to."

Chloe let out what sounded unmistakably like a soft moan, and Beca felt her knees turn to jello.

"I'll do anything to get you on top of me like this again."

Beca felt her mouth turn dry in an instant, swallowing hard as her tongue snaked out to wet her lips. She hadn't been expecting this. As much as she wanted to succumb to the threat of panting breaths that were trying to take her over and just collapse against the bed in defeat, something in her felt the need to gain the upper hand.

"I feel like you're enjoying this too much."

"Maybe I am," Chloe fired back, blue eyes challenging her, "What's it to you?"

"Maybe I'll just stop then," Beca said, moving to pull away from her.

"No!" Chloe cried out before she even had a chance to move anywhere, hips squirming beneath her in protest. "No, don't go."

There was an edge of a whine to her voice as she tried to jerk Beca closer, knees coming up to bump her forward. Beca couldn't believe she was admitting it at all, even to herself, but she couldn't even pretend to ignore the smile that tugged at her lips. She was enjoying this, almost _too_ much.

"Well we can't stay like this all night, Chloe."

"Why not?" she protested, a small grin on her lips, still trying to get Beca to move closer to her. "Come here, maybe I can convince you."

Beca smirked and decided to indulge her, just for a moment as she leaned up over her, their faces less than inches apart.

"Because, Chloe," she told her sweetly, "We have to rest if we're going to hike the Columbia River Gorge tomorrow."

She watched Chloe's mouth fall open with a soft gasp before at last rolling off her, landing on the mattress beside her. She couldn't be bothered to wipe the smug smile off her face, feeling uncharacteristically pleased with herself, as she usually did not when it came to the world of flirting.

"That's not fair," she heard Chloe's quiet voice say beside her, and out of the corner of her eye Beca saw her rubbing her wrists. "You can't just tease me like that and leave me hanging."

"Sure I can," Beca said, shrugging. "It's not my fault that you're clearly touch-starved."

"Yeah, well, you're not helping," she said, and Beca grinned, hearing the pout in her voice. "It's been so long since anyone touched me, anywhere."

"I'm sorry, Chlo. I'm not going to be the one. At least, not under these circumstances."

She practically heard Chloe spring up from the bed to look at her, propping herself up on her elbow.

"And under what circumstances would you consider it?"

Beca let out a snort.

"Jesus, I don't know. At least take me to dinner and a movie first," she joked, shooting her a wink.

"That can be arranged," Chloe hummed, waggling her eyebrows and crawling her fingers up her arm. Beca flinched away from her, rolling her eyes, a grin still on her lips.

"You're insatiable."

Chloe made a noise of agreement, lying back down against the bed.

"It's your fault."

Beca choked on a laugh, opening her mouth, then closing it. She wasn't going to indulge her in an argument on who started what because then they would _definitely_ be up all night.

"Will you at least hold me?"

Beca hesitated, her expression going slack. Another thing she hadn't been expecting.

"Uh, yeah. Sure. I guess."

She heard Chloe murmur a 'yay' and she turned over on her side, Beca following suit. Chloe reached over to turn off her bedside lamp and Beca felt her heart rate ramp up as darkness surrounded them. She cleared her throat, seeing Chloe's silhouette in the dim light coming in from the window, knowing she was just inches away and terrified to get close to her. But she wanted to. God, she wanted to.

She swallowed her pride with a gulp and scooted closer to her, reaching out to pull her body gently against hers. She tucked Chloe's hair over her shoulder and told her to lean back, her back coming to lie flush with Beca's chest.

Her heart beat even faster as she wrapped her arms around her waist, her head fitting just right in the crook of Chloe's neck. She shimmied the tiniest bit closer so that their legs brushed and came to tangle together. She heard Chloe give a happy little sigh, felt it in the rise and fall of her shoulders against her. She was so close that it felt like her heart was beating right up against her back, which only made her more nervous.

"This feels good," Chloe said after a few moments. Beca felt the hum of her words through her chest.

"Yeah."

She didn't know what else to say. She didn't trust herself to speak, not wanting to risk ruining the moment with senseless stammering and sputtering.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Beca said, careful to keep her tone even. Luckily, she sounded much more calm than she felt. "Are _you_ okay?"

She felt Chloe nod.

"Never better, Becs."

Somehow those words had something of a calming effect on Beca, feeling the tension in her chest relax just the slightest. Despite all her nerves and reservations, at least she was doing something that made Chloe happy. After all, that was what mattered the most to her.

She turned in her arms, and Beca could swear she saw the glimmer of her eyes looking back at her through the darkness.

"Good night."

And then, so quick she couldn't have seen it coming, Chloe ducked in and pecked a soft kiss on her cheek. It left Beca's skin on fire, searing the rest of her face and spreading down her neck. Before she could even process what had happened, Chloe had turned back over.

It left her heart pounding ten times harder than before.

She had been dangerously close to her lips.

Beca swallowed thickly, letting her eyes flit closed as she tried to calm herself. She just held Chloe closer, tightening her arms around her and feeling every curve of her body fit somewhere against hers.

"Night, Chlo."

As terrified as she was, as hard as her heart was beating at that moment, and as much as she probably wouldn't get any sleep that night, Beca didn't regret any of it for a second. Holding Chloe in her arms made every nerve in her body feel like a live wire. But she didn't mind.

It felt…right.

* * *

 **A/N 2.0:** I hate leaving end of chapter notes, but I feel the need to disclose that 'twiggy little legs' and 'ol' pasty ass' were some of Maddy's greater contributions. She didn't think I was actually going to put them in the chapter. You're welcome.

And, y'all should know... I may or may not be changing the rating for the next chapter... Stay tuned ;)


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Hi all, I am so sorry for the long wait! It's been a hectic month what with the holidays and everything and this chapter was a huge challenge for me to write. So I really hope you guys enjoy it, and the unintentional 10k words -10k for 10 chapters am I right?

Also giving another shoutout to my girlfriend Maddy who had to deal with my insanity while writing this chapter, and I also made her write one of the scenes near the ending so props to her on that.

If you like this please let me know what you think! Comments + kudos are always much, much appreciated ❤️

Happy reading!

* * *

Beca's arms around her felt good.

Really, _really_ good.

So good that she wanted them wrapped tighter around her. Good enough that she was starting to think of her hands, starting to become hyperaware of how they were folded neatly across her stomach. Starting to think of them sliding down her torso, at the hem of her shirt, against her skin.

Come to think of it, she was thinking of a lot of different places they could be.

Almost every part of her was pressed against Beca in some way. But somehow it wasn't enough to just have her arms around her and her back pressed up against her chest.

She wanted more.

It was a little frightening, the way her train of thought was moving at that moment, the way it was keeping her up, persisting with an unrelenting stubbornness and preventing her from getting a lick of sleep. It was more frightening that Beca was her friend, and these thoughts had come out of nowhere—well, almost nowhere. Chloe knew you weren't supposed to think about friends in this way, and she didn't want to about Beca. But then again, she had always been different. _They_ had always been different. And she knew friends weren't supposed to make you feel hot.

But that wasn't stopping her from feeling the way she did now.

Chloe had kind of always had a crush on Beca, but in the cute, adoring way. Almost schoolgirl-like, if it weren't for her very open flirting and teasing that she was interested sexually and the fact that she definitely _wouldn't_ turn her down were they ever to get the opportunity to 'experiment'. It still stood true to this day, except for the teensy little fact that the want she'd felt for Beca had been the kind you only feel on surface levels, in fairly innocent or simply curious quantities. Tonight, however, had seemed to blow all of that out of the water and into huge, scary proportions.

Just the thought of her hands wandering or gripping her a little harder was making the breath catch in her throat.

Everything changed in the moment she found herself straddled beneath Beca's legs, her hips sitting across hers, wrists being pressed into the mattress. She hadn't thought Beca to be capable of taking control like that, shutting her up with a single action, rendering her speechless. It was enough to make her heart beat harder and her skin grow warmer when she thought of the teasing that had come afterwards. She hadn't thought Beca to be capable of that, either—at least not when it came to innuendos, specifically innuendos involving _them_. Two years ago, Beca would have rolled her eyes and rolled off of her the second she caught on to any sort of nuance. What Chloe was dying to know, was why the change? And why _now_?

It was too simple, too easy to think about the possibility that Beca could really want her like that. Because after a certain amount of rejection, playful as she may have been, eventually Chloe had taken the hint that Beca was not interested in her as anything more than a friend. And that had never been an issue for her. After all, their friendship was far more important to her than any little crush.

Now, Chloe couldn't wrap her head around the idea that maybe something had changed. It wouldn't be that outlandish to think so, considering everything else that had changed between them in two years, but it was scary to think about. Scary, because of the way Chloe felt when she thought about the mere possibility that Beca could want her, _really_ want her, after all these years.

Nervous, hopeful, flattered. Humbled. Beautiful…

Vulnerable.

Too good to be true.

Chloe frowned and shifted in her arms, at once feeling like the opposite of some those things and insecure and like she was jumping to conclusions. After all, it was easy, too easy to arrive there and get her hopes up, just like she had time and time again. But it was okay, because she still had Beca. Had her in ways that no one else ever could, or would.

So she hoped.

What they had was special enough that they didn't need to ruin it with sex, though Chloe wasn't entirely convinced that 'ruin' was the right word to describe it. She was still lucky enough to have Beca's arms wrapped around her when she could've been anyone else in the world, and just like that she was back to wishing that she would hold her tighter.

She stirred again, pressing herself closer into the weight against her back, their faces side by side as Chloe nuzzled herself further into the crook of her neck. Beca had stayed awake for quite a while too, having noticed by the way she kept fidgeting with her fingers and feeling the varying rhythms of her heart beating against her back. She'd noticed when she'd fallen asleep too, by the way her fingers had eventually stilled against her stomach and how her heart had fallen into a steady, even beat, her head coming to rest heavily against hers.

As if she could read her mind, Beca stiffened beside her and drew in a deep breath, stretching into a yawn. She settled and adjusted her position ever so slightly.

"You okay, Chlo?" came her voice from beside her, thick and hoarse from sleep. Both the sound and the question made Chloe's heart pound faster as she nodded.

"Yeah," she murmured, and before she could think about it, turned in her arms so that they were facing each other and hardly inches apart. "Just hold me."

Chloe tucked herself into her chest before she had a chance to respond, her head resting in the nook just below Beca's jaw. She felt her hesitate and tense against her, but only for a moment as she seemed to relax, to her relief.

"Okay," she mumbled back, already sounding half-asleep as she wrapped her arms around her. Chloe's stomach filled with butterflies and she couldn't help but smile as Beca let out a soft breath, tugging her arms securely around her waist. She nuzzled her face against her, unable to stop beaming as a shiver of excitement tingled from her head straight down to her toes.

Chloe let her eyes flutter shut as she listened to the sounding beat of Beca's heart, even and resonant just like it had been before. She could tell she was already drifting back into sleep, but as for Chloe, now she had a whole new set of things to keep her awake.

One being the fact that her sudden, unbridled desire didn't seem to be going away anytime soon. In fact, it only seemed to be getting worse. Now that she was face to face with Beca and her body was more acutely pressed against hers, her mind was running wild at a rate she found difficult to keep under wraps. She found herself very much aware of the expanse of Beca's neck before her, lying almost directly beneath her lips. It was taking every ounce of her self-control not to press them there, in one fell swoop shattering a million rules and boundaries. Beca was asleep, and she wouldn't dare. But she couldn't stop herself from thinking about if she wasn't asleep, and if she _would_ dare. Just thinking about her possible reaction sent another thread of desire unraveling within her, spreading and pooling between her thighs as she imagined the kind of sounds she might make.

And then her heart was pounding, her palms were sweaty and she was almost grasping handfuls of Beca's t-shirt in her fists. Her thoughts and reactions were so unhinged that she almost pulled away from her, almost afraid of what might happen if she didn't put space between them.

But some touching was better than no touching at all, Chloe figured to herself, no matter how crazy it was driving her to be stuck in the middle. She closed her eyes again and sighed, trying to focus on her own breaths. What she needed to do was focus on sleep, with the hope that she would forget all of this by the morning.

* * *

By the time the sun peeked over the horizon that day, Chloe had done anything but forget.

Her 'sleep' or lack thereof had been riddled by sex dreams and fantasies, doing nothing but adding to the deep-seated ache she felt through her body which had carried over to the next day. As she came to, still wrapped in Beca's arms, she felt a restlessness that was almost painful.

Beca was right.

She _was_ touch-starved, and it wasn't helping anything.

She could scarcely even remember the last time she'd been touched by someone other than herself. The last she could think of was Chicago, which had been over two years ago after the USO tour, and had ended up being less than stellar, anyway. It turned out that she had seriously overshot the chemistry she'd once thought they had.

The point was, it had been a very long time since she'd had a sexual encounter that wasn't self-inflicted. And she was fine with that, ninety-nine percent of the time. But Beca just so happened to be the person to unleash that something animal within her that only came out once in a while, bringing on her most intense cravings for the touch she'd been missing out on for so very long. When this happened it was almost impossible for her to think about anything else until she got some form relief. Now, thanks to Beca, she was desperate.

Desperate enough that she was up and strolling towards her bathroom before she even had a chance to think about it.

It took a matter of seconds for her to rid herself of her pajamas, now lying in a small pile at her feet as she reached up to turn the shower on.

The next thing she knew, she was beneath the water and she felt like she could breathe again as it washed over her, the temperature not making a difference because it seemed to sizzle as it hit her skin.

That was what it felt like, at least.

She let it wash over her, finally registering that the water was indeed freezing, sending a rough shiver down her spine and raising goosebumps across her skin. She rubbed at her face, smoothing her hair down and behind her shoulders. It still didn't make a difference to the way she felt.

She still wanted Beca.

Chloe bit her lip and turned away from the water, leaning her head back against the wall of the shower. She wanted to get off, _needed_ to. But every time she closed her eyes, all she could think of was Beca.

She let out a groan, licking her lips. It was all she could take to not touch herself already. The only thing stopping her was that she didn't want to think about her while she did it, because Beca was her friend, and she didn't see her in that way, and Chloe wasn't sure she would be able to look her in the eye again afterwards.

But she was quickly getting to a point where she didn't even care.

The more she thought about it, the more she realized she wasn't just touch-starved. When she tried to think about someone else—celebrity crushes, former hookups, even exes—she realized she didn't _want_ to think about anyone else touching her. It was Beca's touch that had set her on fire, that made her want this bad, that made her even get to this point in the first place. It was impossible to ignore that fact when just the thought of the previous night was making her weary all over again and even more desperate to be touched. Chloe was at a point where she couldn't hide the way Beca was making her feel at that moment, no matter how she might feel later. Because the more she thought about Beca touching her, the more she felt anything other than shameful about it.

Her breaths shaky, she reached up to tease an already erect nipple and let out a soft whimper, her body tensing at the contact. The simple touch seemed to unleash something even more carnal within her, and she moaned louder as she continued to circle it and reached up to tease the other, pulling on it gently. She was so sensitive and all she could think about was how Beca had done this to her, how needy she had made her, and how good it would feel if she was the one touching her.

The thought prompted another whimper and she couldn't help but slip a hand between her thighs, pushing her breasts together so she could touch both of them as she rubbed a finger against her clit. She moaned at how soaking wet she was and gasped as she pressed two fingers inside her, grinding her hips into a rhythm. Her knees were already shaking and it was too easy to pretend it was Beca, standing against her with Chloe's leg around her hip, her mouth making a mark on her neck while her fingers played with her nipple. Chloe cried out louder, her skin feeling flushed despite the cold water as she worked her fingers faster, feeling herself getting tighter, her breaths becoming shorter.

She panted and started to whimper at a higher volume, leaning her head back against the tile as she squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't care if Beca heard her. She almost _wanted_ her to hear her, to hear how desperate she had made her. She wanted her to know that it was her fault she was making those sounds, that she'd had to get up and go take a shower just to relieve herself.

She almost wanted to moan her name, just so that there was no question in her mind that it was her she was thinking about.

* * *

Beca awoke to the sound of water running in the background. It felt calming, almost peaceful as she came to. Her head face down into a pillow, the second thing she noticed as she peeked her eyes open was the absence of Chloe. Her memory of the night before was still foggy, but she remembered how she had lay awake for a long time before falling asleep holding Chloe in her arms. Even more foggy was her memory of waking up in the middle of the night for them to switch cuddling positions.

It wasn't that weird to think about now, but maybe it would have been weirder had she woken up with Chloe still in her arms. She'd put two and two together that the running water was her in the shower, but still wondered why she had gotten up so early. Then she remembered that they were hiking the Columbia River Gorge that day and almost let out an audible groan. _Ugh,_ she thought instead, slamming her face back into the pillow in an effort to squeeze in a few more minutes of sleep.

Minutes passed and Beca wasn't succeeding in getting anywhere closer to sleep. She had only started to drift a bit when she thought she heard a sound—not a very loud one but it seemed to be amplified by the echo of the shower. She passed it off as nothing, after all she had known Chloe long enough to know that she let out a lot of random squeals and outbursts, including for things like dropping a shampoo bottle or something of the sort.

But then she heard it again, this time more distinct, and she had to wonder if Chloe had maybe dropped said bottle on her toe or something.

Then she heard it a third time, and this time her eyes flew wide open as her head shot up from the pillow. This time it was loud enough that she heard it, unmistakably—a high-pitched moan.

Beca gulped, her mouth suddenly dry as she sat up, pin-straight. It had been clear as day, even echoed by the shower, but she still couldn't believe what she was hearing. And before she had a chance to question herself again, she heard it once more, louder still.

This one had a bit of a different effect on her, her mouth clamping shut as she grasped for the covers. It had been longer and more drawn out, ending in a low hum, and it had definitely been Chloe's voice. As if there had been any doubt in her mind, she would recognize it anywhere, even when distorted by sounds she had never heard escape from her mouth.

At least not until now.

Chloe moaned again, this time accompanied by a gasp and a desperate groan. At this point Beca's knuckles were turning white with how hard she was clutching the comforter in her fists, her jaw gritted. She still couldn't believe what she was hearing, even though by then it was more than obvious what was happening. She could barely even think the words without her turning completely red.

Chloe was touching herself.

In the shower.

And she could hear everything.

Beca only turned even more pink when she heard her again, sounding more breathless but seeming to do little to control her volume. She continued to moan and started panting, and with how loud she was getting, it didn't sound like she was trying to keep quiet at all.

Before she could even try to wonder about why this was happening, Beca's mind instantly flashed back to the night before. She _had_ heard that moan once before, though much quieter and isolated on its own. The other difference was that Chloe had been teasing her that time. With the way she sounded now, this time was no joke.

Then she remembered Chloe lying beneath her and how she'd joked about persuading her into having sex with her and how Beca had teased her about being touch-starved. She remembered the way Chloe had looked at her, how her eyes got big and her cheeks flushed as if something had come over her, and all at once Beca found herself wondering if Chloe getting herself off had anything to do with that.

The thought made her mouth dry up all over again and suddenly it was hard to breathe. Beca was still gripping at the blankets as if her life depended on it and she felt a strange sensation come over her, one so strong that it was hard to ignore. That she _couldn't_ really ignore, even if she wanted to.

She flopped back against the pillows with a small groan, rubbing her hands against her face. Chloe didn't seem to be stopping anytime soon and the sound of her filled her ears, making her feel lightheaded and almost dizzy with the way her head was spinning. Her moans were only coming faster and more breathless, sounding more and more needy each time.

It was hard to believe that she was just there on the other side of the door, doing this to herself, not even a room away. The thought made Beca feel like she could melt completely into the bed. Even more jarring was the fact that she could easily get up and go see for herself—walk into the bathroom and pull that curtain back…

She gulped again, her eyes widening at the thought as she brought her hands to her forehead. She didn't know what had gotten into her, but part of her was curious. Part of her wanted to go in there and ask Chloe if she needed some help. But she didn't have the mental capacity to unpack that at the moment, and all she could think about was how the thought of Chloe touching herself was making her weak in the knees and how she wouldn't be able to get up if she tried.

The sounds she was making were reaching a new level of desperation, and Beca could hardly breathe. She sounded like she was close to the edge and she couldn't help but picture her, with her skin all flushed and damp against the wall of the shower, biting her lip down as she panted. She couldn't deny that it was hot, the way she sounded, the way she pictured her, the idea of her losing complete control. Chloe was always so confident—Beca had never witnessed a side of her this vulnerable, despite the fact that she'd seen her cry many times. There was something different about this; something more raw, more exposed. Not just vulnerability, but giving up control of your body and mind. That was on another playing field entirely.

Beca couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if Chloe were to give her that control. What it would be like if she was the one inside of her. She wondered if she would be just as gone and desperate as she sounded now.

Beca didn't want to think about where this had come from or why, but it was easy, way too easy to picture her and Chloe in that shower instead. To picture Chloe pressed up against that wall with Beca's chest flush to hers, a hand between her legs. She would watch her, kiss her as she started to come undone, could almost feel her nails digging into her back. Could practically hear Chloe whimpering for her, telling her she was about to come.

Blinking back to reality, she _could_ hear Chloe whimpering, just not the part involving her. Beca felt hot all over, her skin feeling like it was burning and she was almost one hundred percent sure that there was a mess in her pants.

Then Chloe got louder, her sounds almost shrill and Beca bit her lip down hard. She could tell she was close and Beca found herself just wishing she could see her, see the moment she unravelled and completely lost herself, wanting to feel her come.

And then she came and Beca felt like her head might explode just listening to it, the sounds painting images of fireworks in her brain as she just lay there, mouth lying agape as Chloe gasped to catch her breath.

She lay there for a moment, even as the room turned silent. Unable to move, she realized something.

She was the most turned on she had been in a long, long time.

But it was nothing, right? How could she help it? It wasn't as if she'd had a choice in listening to it. It was as if someone were to place porn right in front of you. You wouldn't be able to help feeling some type of way, even if it was slightly weird and unexpected…Right?

She continued to lie there with her jaw slack, her mouth feeling drier than the Sahara as she contemplated the chain of events that had unfolded within the last twenty-four hours. The more she tried to make sense of things or wrap her head around them, the less she understood. And it was barely 8 a.m.

But she didn't have time to contemplate things anyway, once she realized that the shower had been off for several minutes now and that Chloe would have to emerge from the bathroom at some point. She heard rustling from behind the door and started to panic, at once wondering if she should pretend to be asleep or that she hadn't heard a thing. Neither seemed possible, she thought to herself as she fumbled for her phone and tried to arrange herself into what she thought might look like a casual position.

She was just in time as Chloe walked out of the bathroom just seconds later, and Beca had to try her damnedest not to let her eyes jump to her right away. Instead she laid back, with one arm propping her head up against her elbow and pretended to scroll on her phone, though it was taking every ounce of her concentration not to look up at Chloe.

"Oh hey, Becs."

"Hey," Beca looked up, offering a smile and trying to seem normal. The only problem was, acting 'normal' didn't come so easily when you had to think about it.

"You're up early," Chloe commented, hardly glancing at her as she started rummaging through one of her dresser drawers. It didn't go unnoticed by Beca, who also took in that she was wearing that tiny white towel again and had to try not to stare, _again_.

"I heard the water running," she explained, trying not to have a dumb look on her face, but of course she had no way of knowing. "How was your shower?"

She watched Chloe hesitate in the middle of what she was doing and fumble with the shirt she was holding, almost dropping it. She watched as her face turned beet red and she couldn't quite meet Beca's eyes, turning back to her dresser.

"It was fine," she replied as she re-folded the shirt in her hands, and Beca could almost hear the wavering in her voice. "Why?"

Beca shrugged.

"Just wondering."

Chloe said nothing as she opened another drawer and appeared to start looking for a pair of pants. Beca really couldn't stop staring at her now, noticing how she was quiet, subdued, not meeting her eyes, and just generally acting not very much like Chloe. The answer was pretty obvious as to why she might have been a little embarrassed or even shy, but this was _Chloe_. None of those words were even in her vocabulary. Chloe Beale was not shy in any sense of the word, and the few times Beca had seen her embarrassed were mostly a cappella-related, namely with their share of disasters such as Muffgate and the convention performance as a few examples. But even in those scenarios, she had never been the type to deal with her shame in silence, and Beca knew better than anyone that when it came to things like this, things involving sex, she had never been shy. So why now?

"Why won't you look me in the eye?"

Beca blurted out the question but didn't regret asking it—after all, she wanted to know. Chloe hesitated again and slowly looked up at her, at last meeting her eyes, though Beca could tell it pained her a bit to do so.

"Who said I can't look you in the eye?"

"You weren't before."

"Well I am now."

"Then why are you blushing?"

Beca had noticed the pink hue of her cheeks, which only grew darker after she pointed it out. Chloe rolled her eyes and averted her gaze, taking a pair of yoga pants and adding them to the small pile on top of her dresser.

"I'm not. I just got out of the shower."

"Then why are you being all shy?" Beca picked at her with a grin, kind of enjoying doing the teasing for once. "Are you keeping a secret from me? Secrets don't make friends, Chlo."

"Maybe it's because I'm just standing here trying to pick out my clothes while you get to ogle me in a towel," Chloe said with a pointed look, arching a brow in Beca's direction.

Beca just smirked, finally seeing some of that familiar fire back in her eyes.

"Chloe, since when have you _ever_ been shy, especially about being naked?"

Beca watched as Chloe blushed again, feeling a newfound sense of satisfaction at the sight.

"Well unless you want to see me naked again, you better close your eyes, 'cause I'm about to get dressed."

Beca couldn't help but smirk as she laid back down and covered her eyes with her hands.

"And no peeking."

"Yes, ma'am."

She heard Chloe chuckle a little before the whoosh of her towel hitting the floor, and it was in that moment that Beca fully took in the fact that she had really been completely naked beneath it.

She tried not to gulp too audibly as she heard the glide of fabric across skin, connecting with a snap, then what sounded like her pulling something over her head and shimmying it down, secured into place with another snap.

"Okay, all my parts are covered."

By the time Beca opened her eyes Chloe was pulling on a pair of yoga pants, and her eyes nearly bugged out of her head at the sight of her in just her sports bra. Chloe tugged them up her hips and let the elastic snap into place at her waist before shooting her a winning smile. She must have caught the look on Beca's face because she glanced down to look at her own chest, then back at her.

"I know, it's not my sexiest number, but we _are_ going hiking. Right, Becs?"

Beca was speechless for a moment as she cleared her throat and licked her lips, forcing her gaze away from her breasts to meet Chloe's eyes.

"Right, yeah," she said with a pinched smile.

By the time she began to contemplate Chloe's statement, the fact that it was probably the sexiest sports bra she had ever seen, with an especially low cut to show the most cleavage and realized that she had done all of this on purpose, it was too late.

She was already blushing.

As if she had watched it all come together in her brain, Chloe shot her a huge, elated grin before pulling her t-shirt over her head, leaving Beca feeling like a sitting duck.

Just like that, Chloe had gained back the upper hand again.

* * *

By the time they were in the car and speeding down the interstate, things had seemed to return to normal—well, as normal as they could be after that morning. After her little exchange with Beca, Chloe was back to her more confident self, even if now whenever she looked at her she felt a bit of a warm feeling come over her. It was part of why she'd suggested that Beca drive. After all, she wouldn't be able to sneak as many looks at her if she were the one driving.

She couldn't stop herself from sneaking glances between checking the maps, sometimes longer than intended. But she couldn't help it. She always liked to look at Beca, but now it was like she was fascinated by all sorts of little details about her all over again. Like the curve of her jaw and how it was set whenever she was concentrating on something, how she chewed her lip while she was deep in thought. The way her throat moved whenever she swallowed or cleared her throat; the way her eyes smiled before her mouth caught up to her. Then all the little flecks of grey and dark blue in her irises, and how they could see right through you if you looked hard enough. How she sat, calm and collected as she gazed out at the road, hands gripping the steering wheel with a poised confidence.

She didn't know why she couldn't tear her gaze away, but all of the sudden Beca was compelling to her in ways she hadn't been before. She was sure it had something to do with the way she had pictured them earlier…But she hadn't expected the feeling to last.

She couldn't help but notice that there was something different about her that she couldn't quite put her finger on; something to do with the way she held herself. Back in their Barden days Beca had always put up a front, acting tough on the outside to protect herself from the insecurities she felt on the inside. She still had that same stubborn attitude, but there was an ease and confidence about her that was new, and real. Chloe could tell that whatever she'd gone through in LA had strengthened her—she wasn't faking it anymore.

Something about it was making her linger. She had always been attracted to Beca, but this felt different than the way she had adored and doted after her for all those years. She was successful, she was confident, she'd made a decent living off of her career. She'd stopped pushing her away when it came to the emotional stuff; stopped running from tears, from pain. She had become someone Chloe could rely on, someone she could go to if she needed a friend and she didn't have to worry about scaring her off anymore. She knew what she was doing, knew who she was now and it showed, serving as yet another reminder that they definitely weren't in college anymore.

And Chloe happened to find that really, really attractive.

* * *

There couldn't have been a more perfect break from her thoughts than hiking.

They spent the good part of the day exploring trails along the gorge, finding waterfalls and checking out lookout points before heading back to the car to drive to the next one. Beca didn't complain as much as Chloe had expected her to, once she realized that the majority of the trails really weren't very strenuous at all. They would take breaks between each hike, finding places to sit and take in the scenery before making the trek back. What made Chloe even happier was that Beca seemed to actually be enjoying herself, loving the way she stared out at the river from the steep grassy hill they were sitting atop of.

"It really is beautiful out here," she said, sitting with her legs crossed and her arms resting atop her knees.

"See? Now you're getting it," Chloe grinned as she scooted up behind her, resting her chin atop her shoulder. She thought back to when they had set off on their first trail and Beca had whined to her asking why they couldn't listen to music. Chloe responded by saying it would defeat the purpose of being in nature, which was met by another grunt from the DJ. She was glad to see she had warmed up to it since then.

"It's just so calm and peaceful out here," she went on, still gazing out across the great expanse of land and river beyond them. "I kind of wish I could do something like this after a shitty day at work. You know to like, decompress. Find my zen, wherever it is."

"Well there are a ton of places to hike in California," Chloe pointed out, "But there's nothing quite like the Gorge."

Beca turned to look at her and smiled, making her heart skip a beat at the sight.

"I'm really glad you brought me out here."

Chloe smiled, eyes raking over her with a happy twinkle in them, her stomach fluttering at how close their faces were and how she could see every little detail of Beca's expression.

"I'm really glad you came with me, Becs. You don't know how much it means to me that you're here, that you went out of your way just to see me."

Beca looked over her face and tucked a strand of hair behind Chloe's ear, giving her a small smile.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be."

Chloe beamed, so wide that she could feel her eyes crinkling at their corners. She was overcome with so much love that she didn't have to think before nuzzling her nose against Beca's cheek and leaving a kiss there. It felt so easy, so natural, so _right_ that she wasn't even worried about overstepping or freaking Beca out.

She found herself taken by surprise when she felt Beca move to wrap her arms around her, tucking her head against her chest and hugging her close. Feeling her heartbeat as they gazed out at the breathtaking view before them, Chloe had to agree.

There was no place she'd rather be, either.

* * *

The sun was just starting to fade beyond the horizon by the time they headed back to Portland. They'd stopped for dinner in the nearby waterside town of Hood River and gone through all the pictures Beca had taken on her camera that day. Chloe gushed over how pretty her scenery shots had turned out, and of course they'd taken a bunch of selfies, some cute, some not so cute, and some with Chloe kissing her on the cheek while Beca made a face. Then they'd come across all the candids Beca had taken of Chloe and she'd been even more ecstatic, fawning over how many she'd taken.

In all honesty, Beca hadn't been able to forget much about the events of that morning. They'd stuck in her mind and lingered there for the rest of the day, popping up at the most inconvenient times and leaving her to wonder about what was going on in Chloe's head. The mere possibility that she'd had anything to do with her shower or the way she acted afterwards kept swimming around in circles in her head, over and over, and not even nature could save her.

So it wasn't exactly her fault that Chloe had been on her mind all day, not to mention right in front of her. How could she not take a few pictures, when her own natural beauty had blended so well with the beauty around them? She loved the way Chloe always seemed to absorb her surroundings, feeling and understanding everything so deeply as if they were apart of her. She'd seemed so peaceful, so at ease. She'd wanted to capture some of those moments—the quiet, beautiful moments of Chloe just being herself.

Shortly after they got in the door of Chloe's bedroom that evening, she took Beca's hands in hers, her eyes growing big with a look she knew all too well.

"Becs," she cooed, fluttering her eyelashes at her, "I wanted to ask you…"

"What is it, Chlo?" she cut to the chase, arching a brow at her.

"Well," Chloe hummed, smiling now as she swung her hands in hers, "There's this event going on downtown tonight. It's a movie in the park…"

"Oh god," Beca groaned, rolling her eyes. "What movie is it?"

"I don't know yet," Chloe said, eyes still wide as she pressed her lips together expectantly. "They don't announce it. People don't really go for the movie, it's more about the experience. I go every year."

"So…" Beca trailed off, piecing it together, "We just spent all day out in the cold, and now you want to spend two more hours outside watching a movie?"

Chloe giggled.

"Don't worry, Becs. They have fire pits, and we'll bring blankets," she stepped closer, trailing her fingers up her arm. "I'll keep you nice and warm."

She winked and Beca immediately felt heat rush to her cheeks, suddenly feeling warm all over. She swallowed, trying to think of something intelligent to say, but her mind had gone blank.

"Uh, w-well—"

"It's okay if you don't want to. We've already done a lot today, so I'm sure you're tired. I just thought I'd ask."

Beca looked over her features and knew that she was being genuine. She wasn't pouting or begging, just giving her the option, and something about that made her appreciate Chloe and her thoughtfulness that much more.

"No, it's okay," she said after a moment, offering a small smile. "We can go."

"Really?" Chloe's gasped, her expression brightening in a way that told her she really hadn't been expecting her to say yes. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Beca grinned, her gaze softening at the look of pure joy on Chloe's face. "Now go get ready before I change my mind."

She rolled her eyes as she tackled her with a squeal and a thank you, but couldn't help but smile at how her enthusiasm was always so bright. She didn't know what kind of person she was starting to become, but she couldn't think of a better way to end their day than spending it under the stars watching a movie with her best friend.

* * *

They arrived at the park about an hour later, where a giant screen and projector were set up and a series of fire pits varying in size scattered throughout the grass. They set up their blankets and Chloe laid out her smorgasbord of snacks, including a mix of popcorn, pretzels and M&Ms, a variety of gummies, hot chocolate in a thermos, and even stuff to make s'mores.

"Jeez Chlo, are you going to set up a snack booth?" Beca teased.

"Shut up," Chloe grinned, elbowing her in her side as she settled into one of the reclining stadium seats they had brought to keep themselves propped up. "Hey look, it's starting."

The opening credits rolled, the first scene depicting the arrivals gate at an airport accompanied by the voice of a narrator.

"Oh, god. This is going to be sappy, isn't it," Beca said, making a face.

"Shh," Chloe hushed her, putting a hand on her arm. Beca could see the massive grin on her face by the light of the fire and was pretty sure she already knew the answer to her question. Eventually the title _Love Actually_ faded onto the screen and Beca let out a groan at the same time Chloe squealed in delight.

"Really? The most cliche Christmas movie of all time—"

"It's a crowd pleaser, Becs," Chloe looked up at her, saying so matter-of-factly. "And it just so happens to be one of my favourite movies."

"Of course it is," Beca said, sighing quietly. She was pretty sure she had already known this about Chloe, but had always somehow avoided watching it with her by one way or another. Though in all honesty, the only thing she was dreading about it now was the length. She would do anything to make Chloe smile, even if that meant making the trek downtown to watch a two and a half hour sappy rom com in the park.

She didn't even mind it when Chloe started cuddling up against her, close enough that Beca decided to wrap her arm around her shoulders. Chloe slid her arm across her stomach and curled into her, her head coming to rest in the crook of her neck. A few years ago, maybe even a few months ago, she would have found this newfound closeness with Chloe to be weird. But it didn't feel weird to her. Not at all.

Sitting there holding Chloe as the movie played on, Beca's mind started to wander off into thought. With everything that had been happening, it was the first time all day that she'd been able to really stop and think. She hadn't really known what to expect from visiting Chloe, but in all honesty she hadn't imagined she'd have as much fun as she was having, especially with so many new experiences. Beca normally wasn't one for trying new things—she liked having a plan and not straying too far out of her comfort zone. But for some reason with Chloe, she was comfortable with a little spontaneity. Where Beca liked structure and plans, Chloe was more free-spirited and liked to 'go with the flow'. When they were together, they met somewhere in the middle. She liked Chloe's flexibility and curiosity, how they explored together and ended up trying new things.

She couldn't help but think about how with anyone else, this wouldn't be the case. She remembered the few times she'd gone on road trips with Jesse and how she'd often been irritable and cranky whenever plans went awry or whenever they ended up being out for longer than she wanted to be. With Chloe, not everything always went according to plan but they still managed to have fun. Come to think of it, they had done quite a few things during her visit that she normally wouldn't have. For example, going hiking. She was pretty sure she wouldn't have had fun doing that with anyone else, either. And she _definitely_ would not have been up to going to watch a two hour chick flick out in a park of all places, especially after hiking, if it hadn't been for Chloe.

The more she thought about it, the more she found herself thinking back to Jesse. More specifically, how she wouldn't have done a lot of those things, even for him. How it was like pulling teeth sometimes whenever he wanted to watch a movie with her but with Chloe, she seldom said no. And how she never would have been able to tolerate spending so much time with him—they would have fun together, but after a day together or spending the night she was always grateful for her alone time. But with Chloe they had spent basically every waking moment together since she'd arrived, even sleeping in the same bed, and Beca had hardly thought twice about it.

The more she thought about it, the more she was realizing. Jesse had been her longest relationship, her most steady boyfriend out of the few she'd had. Yet somehow she enjoyed spending time with her best friend so much more. And as much as Beca wanted to rationalize that, to say it wasn't that weird or abnormal for someone to enjoy their friends more, with everything else that had happened over the past few days, she knew it was more than that. While it was true that she'd never had many 'friends who were girls' throughout her life, none of them had been like Chloe. More specifically, she had never had a relationship with any of the other Bellas like the one she had with Chloe. None of them even came close.

They were different. They always had been.

From the moment she barged in on her shower, to the day she had gotten on a plane to Los Angeles, to now when they were watching a movie together underneath the stars, Chloe Beale had rocked her world—even when she hadn't liked it sometimes. She had never been the same; never _would_ be the same. Beca couldn't imagine her life without her. She didn't want to.

That was why it was so damn hard to accept the way she _really_ felt, the way she had shoved down to the deepest depths of her cold tiny heart so it had little chance of coming back up for air. The way she had felt when she'd seen Chloe kiss Chicago. How her blood had run cold and how her stomach twisted into a thousand tiny knots and she just felt sick in every possible way.

She didn't want to feel that way again. So it was easier to just…move on. Move away. Forget that anything had ever happened and any way she had ever felt and whatever she had sort of kind of maybe been planning to tell Chloe that night which had all gone out the window. It was easier to ignore how those feelings were starting up all over again.

It _had_ been easier, until now.

Until now when every moment between them was unfolding into something more and how the truth was staring her back in the face every chance it got. Until now when she actually _couldn't_ deny it anymore—couldn't deny the way Chloe looked at her, smiled at her, the way her face sometimes just lit up when she was around, how she'd get that sparkle in her eye that Beca loved so much. Couldn't deny that she loved making her happy, loved being the reason for the smile on her face. That she wanted to be close to her when she pushed everyone else away. That she used to push Chloe away too, until she'd really lost her and couldn't bear to let it happen again.

It was a lot to take in, she thought as she looked back at Chloe, who was still fully engrossed in the movie, blissfully unaware of all the worries flying about Beca's head. She didn't know what to do, what she _could_ do, but all she knew was that things couldn't stay the same between them forever. She didn't know how, when or what, but she knew she had to do something. Something had to give.

* * *

By the time the movie was almost over Beca found herself engrossed too, to her surprise, and had even become invested in some of the storylines. Her cold heart had especially sympathized with the character who was in love with his best friend's wife, almost tearing up at the scene where he'd confessed his feelings to her through giant flashcards.

"Awe, she learned English for him," Beca whined during another heartwarming scene, mindlessly tossing bits of popcorn and M&Ms into her mouth as her eyes stayed glued to the screen. She heard Chloe giggle beside her and felt her squeeze her arm, nuzzling her head even further up her shoulder.

Within a few minutes it was over, and Beca had half been expecting lights to come up as if they were in a theatre. Instead people around them just started gathering their belongings and slowly making their way out of the park.

She sat up after a moment and Chloe gave her some room, having still been attached to her shoulder and they both stretched their arms.

"So?" Chloe asked, looking at her with hopeful eyes. "Did you like it?"

Beca couldn't help but smile as she looked at her, unable stop herself from thinking about how cute and cozy she looked wrapped in her blanket in the light of the fire.

"It wasn't horrible," she said, reluctant as she started to gather up their snacks. "It was like, _okay_ , I guess."

Chloe let out a squeal and Beca rolled her eyes, turning to arch a brow in her direction.

"You _so_ liked it."

"Yeah, whatever."

Chloe laughed again as she started helping put away their stuff. Beca rolled her eyes once more, still smiling all the while. In all honesty, the movie hadn't been half bad. But Beca would have felt more or less indifferent whether she liked it or not. The reason she'd enjoyed it as much as she did was because she was there with Chloe. It was getting to look over and see her smiling, laughing and cuddled up against her that made it all worthwhile for her.

It was yet another thing she realized as she finished packing up the rest of their items into a bag. She wasn't enjoying trying these new things because she necessarily liked doing them. She was having fun because she was doing them with Chloe.

She thought back to what she had said earlier that day, about there being no place she'd rather be. Sure, the hiking had been fun and the scenery was beautiful, but it wasn't about that. It was about how Chloe always had a way of making her feel safe and calm and comfortable and like she understood. Like she didn't have to worry. It didn't seem to matter where they were. Chloe felt like home.

By the time that thought solidified in her head she had gone completely still and found herself staring at Chloe, not having registered it. She watched, dazed, as she folded one of their blankets and placed it beside her, glancing up and noticing Beca's eyes on her.

"Hello, Earth to Becs," she teased, a smile playing up on her lips, "What's that look for?"

"Uh, n-nothing," Beca stammered, finally snapping out of it. "I just wanted to see if you were ready to go."

* * *

There seemed to be a newfound marked tension between them as they walked through the now deserted park. Taking their time with their intertwined hands swinging between them, this somehow felt different from anything Beca had felt between them before, different even from the kind of tension she had felt that morning. She'd hardly thought twice when Chloe first reached for her hand, even though it had made her cheeks flush a deep crimson for a moment, earning a smile from the redhead. It was starting to feel a little more familiar—Chloe's palm against hers, their fingers laced through each other's, her thumb brushing against her skin, even though she felt about as nervous as if she was back in middle school again and this was her very first date.

That wasn't what this was, but it sure had a way of feeling like it.

"I really had fun tonight, Bec."

"You did?" Beca looked up, feeling hopeful.

"Yeah," Chloe smiled back at her, making her heart do funny things. "It really means a lot that you were willing to do this with me. I know I've been making you do all sorts of things you don't like lately."

"You aren't making me," Beca said, returning her smile. "I don't mind. As long as it makes you happy."

Chloe beamed and Beca's heart skipped a beat at the sight as she stepped closer to her, their shoulders brushing now as they walked.

"You've changed, you know," Chloe said, looking at her, thoughtful. "You're different."

"Different?" Beca asked, hardly able to contain her surprise. "How?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "You just are."

"You can't just tell me I've changed and then not give me more than that," Beca said, arching a brow at her. Chloe just giggled and looked on, still swinging their hands between them.

"Well for one thing, Beca Mitchell of two years ago wouldn't have ever unironically said, 'as long as it makes you happy.'"

Beca threw her head back and laughed, making Chloe laugh along with her.

"Yeah, I guess that's pretty fucking sappy, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Chloe said with a chuckle, bumping her with her shoulder. "It's cute, though."

Beca scoffed.

"First sweet, now cute? Chloe, I think we need to talk."

Chloe giggled again and it was hard for Beca to not want to smile at the sound.

"Well you have been sweet, cute _and_ sappy lately…"

"Yeah," Beca said, wrinkling her nose with the realization. "What's up with that, anyway?"

"I don't know, you tell me," Chloe chuckled, linking her arm through hers.

Beca resisted the urge to gulp—as if she didn't know the answer to her own question. She looked up and glanced around, suddenly realizing she didn't recognize the area of the park they were in from the way they came.

"Uh, Chloe? Where are we going?"

"Just come with me," Chloe said as she picked up her pace, tugging her arm. Beca resisted the urge to ask questions, already having trouble keeping up with the redhead's limitless energy. It wasn't until they were at the base of a hill that Chloe let go of her arm.

The hill was well over three times Beca's height, and just the sight of it made her legs ache. After a long day of hiking, the thought of climbing it was enough to make her feel like they might buckle and snap beneath her. Maybe Chloe had been right about her being 'twiggy' after all…

"We aren't going to climb this, are we?" Beca almost groaned.

"We sure are," Chloe chirped, already beginning her ascent up the mound.

Beca rolled her eyes, rubbing the bridge of her nose between two fingers. She was exhausted. She was practically shaking just from standing. It had to be close to midnight and she could feel sleep starting to tug at her eyelids. But as much as she just wanted to collapse there and whine to go home, she began following Chloe up the hill without hardly thinking twice.

 _The things I do for this girl,_ Beca thought to herself.

Chloe reached the top with Beca not far behind. The redhead took a deep breath of the night air and plopped down on the grass that was starting to become wet with dew. She looked up at Beca and patted the space next to her, a huge smile on her face. Beca rolled her eyes, stifling her own smile as she came to sit beside her. Before she could even make herself comfortable, Chloe was leaning her head on her shoulder.

The sudden contact made Beca jump slightly, her heart skipping a beat in her chest. She tried to calm despite the sudden rush of adrenaline and allowed herself to be present in the moment, leaning over to slide her arm around Chloe's waist. She didn't know why she had jumped as if it had been unexpected. As if having their arms around each other wasn't quickly becoming their new normal.

"I've been coming to this park since I was a kid, and this was always my favourite spot," Chloe said. "I love how you can see the whole park from up here. I used to pretend I was on Mount Olympus with the Greek gods."

Beca snorted. "Mount Olympus?"

"Hey, don't laugh," Chloe grinned, shoving Beca with her shoulder. "What can I say? I've always been very theatrical."

"I can see you haven't changed much," Beca quipped as Chloe settled her head back on her shoulder.

"You know you love it," Chloe replied, and Beca could feel her eyes looking up at her. She let out a hum in response, sighing at how true that statement was.

After a few moments of looking up at the stars, Beca began to get lost in her own thoughts. She knew she had to tell Chloe how she felt. Even if nothing came from it, she didn't want to keep something like this to herself. But most of all, she knew it wasn't right to keep it from Chloe. She knew they were close enough that eventually Chloe would start to know something was up, if she didn't already, and Beca wanted to be the one to tell her what exactly that 'something' was before Chloe started asking questions.

Just not now, though. Not when there was still so much time left of her trip. She didn't want to risk ruining the rest of it—the rest of what little time she had with Chloe.

The sound of Chloe's whisper pulled Beca away from her thoughts.

"Becs?"

"Hmm?"

"There's no one else I would rather be here with than with you."

Beca felt her stomach fill with so many butterflies, she could have sworn she would fly away. They swelled up and into her chest and as she looked at Chloe, she found herself mesmerized by how beautiful she looked in the moonlight.

"Me either, Chlo."

A beat of silence fell between them and Chloe gazed back at her, a smile on her lips as she tucked a strand of Beca's hair behind her ear. She felt a tightness growing in her chest and realized she probably wouldn't be able to speak, even if she wanted to. Chloe had her captivated.

"Hey, Becs?"

"Mhm," Beca hummed, still off in dream land.

"What's that over there?"

Chloe pointed in the direction opposite them and as Beca turned around to look, the next thing she knew she was being pushed over the edge of the hill.

"Shit," she muttered as she picked up speed, rolling rapidly down the side of it. She heard Chloe's giggle in the distance and squeezed her eyes shut as she tumbled down.

After what felt like an eternity she hit the grass at the bottom, landing on her back with a decent amount of force. Chloe landed beside her a few seconds later, her shoulder bumping hers as she laughed like it was the most fun she'd ever had. Beca tried to move but couldn't, her limbs feeling like they weighed a thousand pounds as she laid sprawled out like a starfish, waiting for the world to stop spinning around her.

"Chloe," she breathed, "What the hell?"

Chloe just giggled beside her, still catching her breath as she moved closer to her, sliding an arm across her waist.

"That was fun, right?"

"Loads," Beca mumbled, sitting up slowly and putting a hand to her head. Chloe followed suit, propping her arm up behind her. She looked at Beca and her smile widened as she let out another giggle.

"You got a little…" she looked up at her hair and Beca felt her pick out a dried up leaf, cracking them both up.

"Thanks," Beca smirked, her gaze coming to rest on Chloe. Even in the dark of night her eyes shone bright blue. Even with her now messy red hair riddled with grass and leaves, she was still the most beautiful person she had ever seen.

Chloe tucked another strand of hair behind Beca's ear and all of the sudden she was back in dream land. She hardly breathed, staring wordlessly as she continued to play with her hair, brushing it back from her forehead. Chloe looked like an angel in the moonlight and Beca couldn't stop herself from staring, eyes wandering across her features.

It was in that moment that she realized Chloe was staring at her, too.

Beca swallowed, her gaze softening. The next thing she knew Chloe was leaning in, and it was hard to breathe again as her lips brushed hers, so gentle that it felt like a whisper. It felt as if all the air in her body had escaped her but before she could assess what she was doing, she had a hand on the back of Chloe's head and was guiding her back to her, easing her into another kiss.

This time it felt like she _really_ couldn't breathe. This time her lips were fully pressed against hers without doubt or hesitation, her stomach swimming with butterflies, and it felt intentional. Was intentional. Every part of her had wanted to kiss Chloe in that moment. She was just having trouble convincing her brain that it was actually happening.

Her fingers tightened in her hair and she moved her hand to her cheek, brushing her thumb against her skin as she kissed her once more, softer this time. Her lips just brushed hers, but it was enough to count.

They separated slowly and Beca was still finding it hard to breathe, especially when faced with the fact that she would have to look Chloe in the eye and realize what she had done. She kept her hand on her cheek as she pulled away and found Chloe looking up at her with wide eyes. Lips slightly ajar, her cheeks had turned the softest shade of pink.

Beca licked her lips and swallowed, tearing her gaze away. That had really happened. She had really just _kissed_ Chloe, and the time wasn't right but that didn't matter now. It was done, and she had to accept that.

"Um," she breathed, running a hand through her hair, "I guess we should go get our stuff."

But that didn't mean she was ready to talk about it.


End file.
